Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have you ever had negative comments for dressing well going to work?

424 replies

Shedidnt · 02/01/2020 13:28

I suppose they were not negative in my case but I don't have much confidence really, so I think women (in both cases) wouldn't know that.

I dress well going to work. Pencil skirts or dresses. On two occasions how I dress has been commented on (and not complimentary).

First one was a girl who said 'you look like you're dressed up to go out - I wouldn't get dressed up to come into this place'. I felt like an eejit for trying too hard.

Second one were two female colleagues talking among themselves and one saying 'oh well, she's always overdressed'.

I like to dress well as it gives me confidence. But I feel women particularly hated me for it. The women I befriended never commented apart from maybe to say, that's a nice top - where did you get it (usually primark), but it has left me feeling self conscious about what I wear in case I look like a try-hard or something?

Please tell me some of you dress up to go to work?

Another factor might be an ex (who used to beat me up) told me I was dressing up for the men at work and in fact some of the beatings I took were to make my face bruised so that I couldn't go to work.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Astrabees · 03/01/2020 11:00

Shedidn't. I am very concerned that having posted in what is a very reasonable way, with a conundrum that others have experienced, me included you have been subject to some pretty horrible abuse on this thread. There is nothing at all unusual in finding that your self esteem and general well being feels enhanced by being well dressed.
I don't think it is unreasonable to think that any negative comments may be fuelled by jealousy. There are many of us who would like to be able to wear a pencil skirt but have problems with our weight, I'd feel a bit envious if that happened in my office though I wouldn't make negative comments. this is the way MN is these days, anyone who posts asking for a bit of discussion on something that confuses them is surrounded by pirranhas piranha

Astrabees · 03/01/2020 11:00

oops, just Piranhas.

TheStuffedPenguin · 03/01/2020 11:06

What I want to project is that I'm 100% professional with a wild side that I tame between the hours of 9 and 5

Yet you rarely go out ? What do you do then? Run about at home dressed wildly ? Grin

Maybe you should post on Style and Beauty - they love posting photos everyday of what they are wearing .

tiredtiredtired23 · 03/01/2020 11:10

Shedidn't. I am very concerned that having posted in what is a very reasonable way, with a conundrum that others have experienced, me included you have been subject to some pretty horrible abuse on this thread

So the op hasn't been rude or obtuse regarding questions?

Emeraldshamrock · 03/01/2020 11:27

I am very concerned that having posted in what is a very reasonable way, with a conundrum that others have experienced
Yes I've experienced it. Yes I sympathised. Subsequent posts from the OP have been obtuse rude and confusing from the meek OP in her first post.
I don't think it is unreasonable to think that any negative comments may be fuelled by jealousy. There are many of us who would like to be able to wear a pencil skirt but have problems with our weight
Wrong again. I've a slender size 8 fit body. I know many beautiful women though true beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not rude and snipy.
MN is these days, anyone who posts asking for a bit of discussion on something that confuses them is surrounded by pirranhas piranha
Don't you mean a nest of vipers.

BloodyDisgrace · 03/01/2020 11:27

I am really sorry to hear that you were abused int he past. I hope it will never happened to you again and that you'll see the signs of an abusive controlling arsehole and will avoid such men. And find a good one who'll treasure you.

I think you work with very stupid people. The kind who's always on their phones, never reads a book, and values above all "fitting in". Generic, conformist mass. For them there are such terms as "appropriate" clothes. I've seen that: beaten flats on feet which are too wide, frayed hems of cheap trousers, unironed shirts - but hey, they wear what they consider appropriate work clothes.

I used to work where most men and women wore jeans and jumpers/tops. I wore tailored, but not tight, well fitted clothes: dresses, blouses, wool shirts and high heels (but comfortable ones), gold jewellery, pearls and used perfume. Nobody was unkind or too familiar to me, but then my workplace was in a culture sector which attracts generally nice, intelligent and sensitive people. I was complimented by men and women in a genuine way.

Only my first husband said that the fact that I make an effort while majority doesn't might create some problems for me, that people might feel envious and assume I am wealthier than they are. And I said: "I don't judge anyone by how they dress, because generally kind intelligent people don't do that. And those who do, don't matter to me anyway".

Shedidnt · 03/01/2020 11:29

Lweji - I have answered your question. Read back.

Kindly don't flatter yourself by thinking that I would take any unsolicited misguided 'advice' from you. We all know that's it's thinly veiled insults.

OP posts:
BloodyDisgrace · 03/01/2020 11:30

wool skirts.
I think iI'm, as usual, too late for this party: OP has annoyed someone and the debate has switched to a different topic.

astralweaks · 03/01/2020 11:31

It’s so easy to spot them these days.

astralweaks · 03/01/2020 11:31

That is the “type” of thread.

Shedidnt · 03/01/2020 11:31

you'll see the signs of an abusive controlling arsehole and will avoid such men

I can see the signs of abusive women here and shall be avoiding them and their politely phrased attacks.

There were no signs either. But thanks for the victim blaming. Well done.

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 03/01/2020 11:33

@Shedidnt I think you should reread posts. Lweji was very supportive to you. I noticed you get snippy more than once with her.
I would have bite much earlier.
You are rude I thought the advice was spot on.

astralweaks · 03/01/2020 11:34

As for mustard coloured tights, they are pretty fashionable atm. As is the colour itself.

Shedidnt · 03/01/2020 11:36

Actually navy is in this season...

OP posts:
tiredtiredtired23 · 03/01/2020 11:36

There are many of us who would like to be able to wear a pencil skirt but have problems with our weight

😒 I'm a 10-12 & 5ft 10 so not sure if that is an acceptable weight to wear a pencil skirt? I don't own one & none of my peers wear them at work.

Shedidnt · 03/01/2020 11:38

Do you always only do what your peers do?

OP posts:
Ishotmrburns · 03/01/2020 11:38

I very rarely dress up for anything, but I would never negatively judge someone else for doing so. In fact, I often mildly envy those women who always look so put together. Good for them. Don't let those silly comments deter you from bring who you are OP.

tiredtiredtired23 · 03/01/2020 11:40

Do you always only do what your peers do?

Why is that relevant?
It was more a comment that many 20/30 something yr olds don't really wear pencil skirts at work because they are not particularly fashionable as opposed to their weight holding them back. I expect it went over your head though...

Chipsahoy · 03/01/2020 11:40

I agree with a pp, own it and wear what you like.
Also have abusive past, clothes were armour for a while after that.a pretense to the world of who I was.
Now I find it so very important to look just like me and me is skirts and tights and dresses and boots. I'm often called glam, sometimes with a sneer.. As I'm a sahm mum, but fuck 'em, life is too short and can very horrible and dark, so if I wanna look nice and wear sparkles and glitter and stars and look glam, then I will.
Embrace who you are, when people comment, it's usually about them, not you.

Emeraldshamrock · 03/01/2020 11:41

@BloodyDisgrace
people might feel envious and assume I am wealthier than they are. And I said: "I don't judge anyone by how they dress, because generally kind intelligent people don't do that

And previous to your I dont judge on the same post. 🤣

I think you work with very stupid people. The kind who's always on their phones, never reads a book, and values above all "fitting in". Generic, conformist mass. For them there are such terms as "appropriate" clothes. I've seen that: beaten flats on feet which are too wide, frayed hems of cheap trousers, unironed shirts - but hey, they wear what they consider appropriate work clothes
Hilariously ironic. 🤣🤫

tiredtiredtired23 · 03/01/2020 11:42

@Emeraldshamrock 😆

tiredtiredtired23 · 03/01/2020 11:43

They won't get it though & will accuse you of being mean & rude to them. Do as I say not as I do.

Shedidnt · 03/01/2020 11:43

Do you always only do what your peers do?

Why is that relevant?

Because this.........

I'm a 10-12 & 5ft 10 so not sure if that is an acceptable weight to wear a pencil skirt? I don't own one & none of my peers wear them at work.

OP posts:
tiredtiredtired23 · 03/01/2020 11:44

You left this key part off though?

There are many of us who would like to be able to wear a pencil skirt but have problems with our weight

Which is what I replied too

Shedidnt · 03/01/2020 11:46

What have your peers to do with your weight?

OP posts: