To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

I think people are missing the point that if one of the dc found the drugs and ate them it could be fatal. At least alcohol is regulated - who knows what's in the coke?

Ive no problem with people taking recreational drugs, and have done so many times myself, but would never do so with dc present.

It's not just the middle class Darbani.

I live on a council estate with about half the houses are owned & I too have been shocked at a BBQ, everyone kept disappearing, until I was the only one left outside with the kids. I made a joke to the host as I thought the other guests didn't want me there, due to everyone going off. My ex friend explained (I've now distanced myself from) & offered me some.

I know a whole range of people that do coke frequently, before work to keep them going, a lot of my friends who work in beauty & hair do it to keep thin & work full time & manage their kids, with little thought of any long term consequences.

One made me laugh as she commented about her weed smoking neighbours (outside) who she obviously saw as beneath her, like she'd never done drugs in her life.

A lot are doing it to keep up with modern life & maintaining their figures & have it all lives.

YADNBU. Do what you like when you have no dependants. But illegal drugs and childcare don't mix.

Fuck me.

So wasting plastic is morally wrong. Eating too much meat is morally wrong. Not recyling is morally wrong. Not eating fairtrade chocolate is morally wrong. Not thinking about where your coffee comes from is morally wrong. Not wearing fur is morally wrong. Eating palm oil is morally wrong.

But buying cocaine, the production of which...

• destroys rainforests
• involves the murder of around 25,000 every yar
• uses hidden explosive devices to protect growing fields, often impacting the innocent who stray too far
• is literally destroying Colombia

Apparently, many here are fine with those morals???

@Harriett123 - I respect Professor Nutt but that article doesn't explain what he considered 'harm' for the purposes of testing.

A parent who takes crack is more likely to be a liability to their child than a parent who has an evening glass of wine. Statistics like thos ein the article are disingenuous.

I have done it in this environment before with other parents

What a pitiful individual you are.

@Nutgirl put it all so much more eloquently than I.

Somehow, as a society, we've ended up getting in a moral outrage when someone throws a mcdonald's wrapper on the floor but turning a blind eye to a habit that is responsible for so much violence and pain and loss of life and potential - and that's just on the supply side.

Do people who drink and take drugs when they are responsible for children never think of the "What ifs"? Were these people driving home? What if there was an emergency? Would they be able to drive/look after their child?

"I wouldn’t do it, but is it any different to being drunk with the kids in the house?"

It's an illegal class A drug.

Also who's to say that being drunk with kids in the house is ok? With alcohol there is (or should be) at least one adult who is either sober or not had much, which I think makes it ok (obviously depends on the situation). What the op is reacting is very different to this.

Yanbu op, I'd be appalled too!

Hi OP

It is really common. That doesnt mean it's ok and if its outside what you're comfortable with then that's fine and you were right to leave. But it does mean that a lot of people think its acceptable to be a parent and take coke, they will say they are careful to keep it out of reach of children and the high wears off quickly and when you point out the risks of heart attacks etc they will reply they know loads of people who have been doing it for decades and none of their friends has ever had a bad effect from it.

I do think you need to have a chat with your partner about where you go from here. Is it likely that all his social circle took it but he just stopped and never would start again? What are you expecting him to say if he gets an invite to another party from him? Are you happy with him going without you? I think that's more important than whether we all think its rubbish parenting or not because if you do and he doesnt, that could make it tricky if you want to ever parent together

www.facebook.com/252079804817907/posts/3750784004947452/

The dispatches programme is still available on All4.

WATCH: Britain's Child Drug Runners - now on All 4 www.channel4.com/programmes/britains-child-drug-runners

I live in a different world!

Me too. I'm no stranger to recreational drugs. I'm a fully paid up member of the rave generation, partook of ecstacy and amphetimines in my youth, was around people taking acid, mushrooms, jellies, have known many a heroin addict. I still enjoy the occasional joint, just as I enjoy the occasional drink, including at times when children are in the same house (though they're always kept out of the smoking room whether tobacco or weed in my experience).

One thing I have never, ever seen much less tried is cocaine. I do not move in middle class/'professional' circles though.

All those saying 'can't get too worked up, indulge a bit myself, etc' How does it sit well with you that the production, acquisition and distribution of illicit drugs is directly responsible for the death of children involved in drug wars, running in this country - disproportionately children of colour who tend to be poor and more willing to engage in risky behaviour - as well as human trafficking, forced prositution etc. I bet some of you are more conscientious about the harm being done to animals and disposing your plastics safely or wear fair trade clothing and bleat about the environment.

But a bit of coke or meth or whatever. It's just a bit of a high. No problems. After all Arabella and Noah will be safely driven to school in the morning, no fears about them being misidentified as some gang member whilst walking through the shopping centre after school and being targetted.

@SharkasticBitch

Yes 100%. There seems to be so many people here who do “recreational drugs” as “they are no worse than alcohol” and are so utterly devoid of any morals.

This continual condoning of taking cocaine as a bit cool and harmless fun is driving up demand as other immoral fools pick up the habit assuming it’s no big deal and more and more men, women and children get tortured to death in order to for them to get their hit.

Being boiled alive in an oil barrel - standard stuff for the cartels in Mexico. But thank fuck you’ve got your powder to snort up your snout.

The attitude of some in this thread is completely sickening.

I’m a mn-ether who has never done drugs of any sort.

Also, if dh and I were at a party with alcohol, we would also ensure one of us would stay sober if the dc were with us.

Thanks @MGC31
I shall have to sit down with DP and watch!

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/jeanette-allen-inquest-shawclough-primary-13869192.amp&ved=2ahUKEwjGs9z5juXmAhW7QxUIHd0RBREQFjADegQICRAB&usg=AOvVaw2swN0pZRg_1wxvwsDTiYuw&ampcf=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/jeanette-allen-inquest-shawclough-primary-13869192.amp&ved=2ahUKEwjGs9z5juXmAhW7QxUIHd0RBREQFjADegQICRAB&usg=AOvVaw2swN0pZRg_1wxvwsDTiYuw&ampcf=1

This lady was local to me she had been an occasional user for years (no kids) she died on her 40th birthday and her partner found her in the morning still hasn't got over it.

After her friend's birthday apologies

I think being off your face with children are around is really dodgy and not something I agree with at all..
However I must agree with previous posters that the coke is no worse than the alcohol.

What about the people AND children that are hurt or killed in the production and supply chain of illegal drugs? It that ok as long as the professional educated cocaine users don't do it in front of their own children?

This is not only irresponsible parenting, but deeply unethical and antisocial behaviour. OP, your partner’s friends are contemptible. I hope none of them dare pretend they have any concern for the developing world, which is traumatised by drug-gang violence for the amusement of these shits.
Cocaine use is not a victimless crime.
www.theguardian.com/global-development/2018/sep/22/colombia-cocaine-farc

Totally agree with SharkasticBitch. Cocaine is a morally reprehensible drug - I would (and do) judge people I know who use it especially as they are also the ones to try "Veganuary" or only buy organic!
Hypocritical and ethically shit.
However in terms of the effects on adults I really can't see the difference between coke and drinking in terms of how you are functioning - both shit.
I think OP would be completely and utterly wrong to report them but not wrong to distance herself if that's not what she's into.
I personally think UK drugs policy needs a rethink and I have no problem with MDMA or weed or ecstasy - albeit I would not take them anywhere near my kids! - and I hope that one day they are controlled substances.

I’ve never taken drugs and never would. I know that cocaine is regularly used by many people including so called respectable members of society. I think it’s rife in certain circles. They are complete idiots.

It’s like “spot the MN druggie” on this thread!
Yes I’m looking at you tong
Taking coke makes you a druggie, just because you are doing it in a nice house whilst drinking Prosecco doesn’t make you any better than her down the road who spends her dole money on crack.

If they were smackheads on a rough estate everyone would be outraged and screaming at you to inform Social services. Yes it is different to alcohol,( no i dont agree with both parents drinking at the same time or single parents getting legless when the have children in the house) alcohol is legal Cocaine is not. So not only are the druggies but they are criminals too