To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

Jude Law's children....

I'm amazed by how many parents get away with it. it's not the night so much, it's the DC getting up early than the wasted adults and wandering round the wreckage tasting things that they know grown-ups like that gets me.

Mind you, I was put off drinking for 20 years after slugging a G&T aged 4.

I’m astonished at this. Taking coke during a family oriented party? I live in a different world! Saying that, I’ve got mates who work in high pressure jobs in London, stock market type roles. I’ve never known them use drugs, we do drink a lot of wine when together but drugs just seems crazy.

It's all a bit sad and dangerous isnt it? They want enjoy themselves without taking drugs? What if one of the kids ever got their hands on it? What then? He/she would go to hospital and logged with social services (possibly removed from parents) is it really worth it?

All those dead and lives ruined in knife crime because of drug gangs...please report, even anonymously. Youngsters are not being used to deal alcohol, so not the same at all.A healthy dose of collective outrage is long overdue.

YANBU

I am very relaxed about drugs as I used to take them quite a lot pre-children.

However I would never have them in my house where my child is or take them when I was responsible for him or any other child. Imagine if he found them and took them? How could you live with yourself.

It IS different to drinking because if I have a glass of wine I know exactly how strong it is as it's printed on the label and I know its wine and not brake fluid. I have no such assurances with cocaine or MDMA. It could be anything, I could accidentally overdose or have an unexpected reaction.

Plus if something happened to DS I could live with turning up to A&E tipsy and (assuming I wasn't rolling drunk) don't think SS would be required but imagine turning up off your head and gurning. You'd rightly be under a hell of a lot of scrutiny.

Someone once told me that I'd be shocked by the amount of middle class people who use cocaine. I kind of doubted it at the time but it seems like they weren't wrong!

Yeah, I think it's irresponsible to do cocaine with kids in the house. Cant believe I actually had to type that!

I personally think it's probably better than being drunk and responsible for kids. Cocaine (besides it being illegal of course) makes you MORE alert, while drunks can pass out, become oblivious etc.

Ideally people would be able to have a good time with their friends and kids while sober, but it's not always the case. The biggest fear I'd have would be a child getting their hands on it and it ending in a tragedy.

That incident alone wouldn't prompt me to involve social services though. In my observation, social services do not benefit families unless there is abuse of some sort, not just some bad decision making. And it's usually the kids that suffer when the get involved. Sadly, that's reality, and until it's fixed, absent a child being hurt, I would never call ss.

It's no way the same as alcohol, which is a predictable strength and legal to take.

It has different effects on everyone, every time, and could easily result in arrhythmia or worse. Social services would take a very dim view of this. I wouldn't normalise this for my children, and would give this group a very wide berth in future.

Well they do say it's the middle class drug habits that fuel the need for "county line" kids being pulled into dealing. Let's face it, those drug dealers are going to follow the money like most entrepreneurs. Hope when your MC friends kids are offered drugs at the school gate in a couple of years time their parents won't be too shocked.

Anyone who takes cocaine is an immoral cunt who is supporting the death and torture of thousands (including children). The demands from the likes of your DP’s friends are making life for many in Mexico and Latin America an absolute living hell.

So YANBU OP and for those saying it’s no big deal - shame on you.

I wouldn't be responsible for my children with any impairment but I'm not naive enough to think that cocaine isn't rife amongst our social circle. It actually seems more common amongst the middle aged.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=M3mf5P6UvcE

When you dont know what is in a product, dont put it in your body.

Chlorinated chicken gets more outrage than buying powder or pills of a random in the street that has been made who knows how, by who knows who... crazy

Also, the trade in illegal drugs has so many sadnesses and tragedies in it, many for young people here and around the world, that I wouldn't be able to turn a blind eye I'm afraid.

@HaileySherman as per my further posts, they were doing drugs in addition to (the large amount) of alcohol being consumed.

It's so sad they have all that money and still feel they need drugs to have a good time. It won't end well.

Why is it that doing drugs whilst caring for children whilst on benefits on a council estate is completely different to doing the same thing as an educated middle class worker? Like in one instance it's fine and is "the done thing" and in the other it's all that is wrong with society.

That's gross

Excellent post MGC31

You sound a bit narrow minded and boring.

I think Bo Peep is calling.

This really is not good parenting, I would say the same amount people drinking too much when in charge of children.

Yes it is breaking the law and obviously that is wrong. If it were an adult party it really wouldn't bother me, I have never taken drugs , I have drank and smoked cigarettes , but that's my lot. I did have friends who would use cocaine on nights out, it mostly stopped once they had kids and settled down

I think to take anything that alters your perspective, mood or anything like that is irresponsible parenting.

Tbh if anything cocaine makes you more aware and actually feel less drunk, I have done it in this environment before with other parents and aslong as the kids are looked after please don't call SS this happens often

Not something we do in our circle, but I know many people that do.

We have however got pissed and often smoked dope at house parties when all the kids were in bed. So equally irresponsible in some peoples' eyes.

I wouldn't get too frothy about it myself.

Sounds absolutely shocking to me, but substitute coke for alcohol and I see it all the time.

I have had to have a serious chat with my partner about her behaviour when she takes our daughter for a sleepover at her friends and her daughters, as I don't personally consider stopping up until 3.00 a.m. getting hammered on wine when you are the sole parent in charge , then letting a 10 year old look after two 6 year old's in the morning until you can finally get up, responsible parenting.

@avocadoze hit the nail on the head.

Coke is NOT the same as alcohol.
Cocaine is an absolute scourge on society with gang culture in London and county lines elsewhere, and death and poverty and drug cartels in South America.
Gordon Ramsey’s “On Cocaine” was a really excellent documentary detailing the whole supply chain of cocaine.

Lastly - cocaine turns people into utter twats. They’re shit company.
Poor kids.

I live in the sticks no-where near London (SW) and have one group of friends who do this a lot. None of them are bankers or anything remotely similar. More farm types and creatives. They do it around their young teenage children. Personally I think being blind drunk is just as bad, no different, but the ethical issues surrounding coke are very cloudy. I don't ever partake myself and do judge them esp as they're generally in their late 40's/50's and should know better. I took a lot of drugs in my 20's but have definitely parked that in a long gone box.

I think being off your face with children are around is really dodgy and not something I agree with at all regards of which drug you are choosing to take ( including alcohol)
However I must agree with previous posters that the coke is no worse than the alcohol.
The law does not accurately represent the dangers of illicit drugs (including alcohol) and politicians are renowned for ignoring scientific findings of addictive substance to pander to the 'all drugs are bad we must ban them and punish users' part of the electorate. This is a paper by a leader in the field of drug research on this particular topic but he has many more papers on the topic.

www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/news/20101101/alcohol-more-harmful-than-crack-or-heroin