To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

Absolutely disgraceful behaviour, especially around kids. That is what you call a bunch of losers.

If you don't have a partner who shares the same values as you on these things then I'd personally run a mile.

I’m encouraged bythe number of people here who recognise what a curse the drug industry is, internationally, and who despise it.

Really not normal behaviour at what is essentially a family party as DC invited. I wouldn't join in even if DC not present, but wouldn't be as shocked.

If you would be horrified by people drinking alcohol then YANBU. If you are fine with people drinking alcohol around kids then YABU as if anything alcohol is worse

I'd be uncomfortable with this too.
Am not particularly anti-drugs but there's a time and a place...

It's pretty common amongst the middle classes in my part of London.
I don't partake but it guest bother me, it's negative effect on parenting ability would be less than a glass of wine. Nothing to get your drawers in a twist over Imo.

Absolutely not OK. I am shocked at how many posters think this is akin to a couple of glasses of wine. Those parents are not "doting" parents. People that use cocaine on a regular basis have a drug problem. Just because you only do it on the weekend, doesn't mean you're not an addict. Most of the people I used to socialize with that did it recreationally never stopped doing it on a regular basis. Absolutely disgusting to do it around your children.

" I doubt if the lawyers in my office could pull the late nights if they were on drugs."

Sorry but this made me laugh. How do you think some people in high pressured jobs manage to pull the late nights?

Mountains of coke.

Typical MN. Anyone standing near a bottle of wine when responsible for young children would be a selfish alcoholic, but snorting powder is ok?

^^

Another person here who spent ten years in London in a well paid business job and who never once came across coke.

I find the number of people calling the OP judgey or uptight to be absolutely absurd.

The OP witnessed a crime being committed with children in the house and were deeply uncomfortable about it. One that carries a seven year prison sentence. That is hardly an over reaction.

Regardless of reaction times etc. How on earth can it be anything but irresponsible to knowingly do something on a whim that risks prison when you have children?

I've seen it among all classes. Used to partake - never around children! What are they thinking? -then grew up.

Sniff is the great leveller however. Whatever your background it turns you into the most boring (Yes really! to that PP), arrogant twat talking absolute shite over whoever's attempting to talk to you, all with a beady eye on the bathroom in case your mate is finishing it off without you- highly likely as it makes you so greedy for more every 30 mins...

If the ethical reasons won't move you in your quest for hedonistic glam just take a moment to consider its likely route to your twitching nostrils - up some poor mule's sweaty arsehole before being cut toF with drain cleaner or similar ...mmm lush.

@strongmummy you are aware of safe guarding? Where at any stage are these parents protecting these children?

I have seen people drunk and I have seen people off their face on coke. It is horrific and traumatising! How would that look to a child? I think bringing in support for children is important. I think these children need protected. I believe SS can do that.
I think if the children are removed then that's the parents stupidity.

I don't understand why people need both drugs and alcohol WHILE children are present. The "adults" understand the consequences of taking both and still put a child a risk.
This is only one party she has caught them. How many other times have they done this? So, NO I don't think it's an over reaction because it's never a one off.

I would rather be the boring one than the drug taking criminal, and everyone of you that partakes is exactly that, a drug taking criminal. How many of the scummy druggies drive the next day with their children in the car ?

YANBU. I don't know anyone who does this and I'd be furious if it was happening when children are there. I don't like people getting drunk in the company of children either. It is very irresponsible parenting.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2009/jun/29/drugs-cocaine-environment-fair-trade

Its common in my part of London too. We all think the 40yo coke takers are a bit sad, vacuous and trying to cling to their youth. Wtf has being in London got to do with it, you get drug head parents all over the country, suggesting it’s a London thing just makes you sound even more pretentious.

I think similar about all those saying nothing to get your knickers in a twist over. When you have kids you try your best to be a good and honest person, why would you think this is anything other than scummy and sleazy. What else are you doing in front of your kids if you think this is normal. Grow up.

Your partner probably does it or they wouldn't offer it to you

Why are so many people saying it’s ok because it’s no worse than being drunk around kids? It’s not ok to be drunk around kids OR do drugs around kids! How can these people possibly think they’re capable of looking after children in that state?

Agree of course it's not just London. I'm from London and have lived in other UK cities. It's common everywhere.

Lots of focus on London & Class. We're not like those awful chavvy users darling .

I'm a middle class professional in London and this is not normal at all. I'm in my 40s and I haven't seen anyone take coke since I was in my mid 20s, and even then it was rare.

It's totally unacceptable to be taking drugs at a party with children.

My dad is an alcoholic. I hated seeing him drunk and I'd never want my child to see me intoxicated in any way. I think it's quite upsetting and confusing for children.

I know. Like drugs only happen in London And when your kid falls down the stairs and mummy is too busy locked up in the toilet giggling with her juvenile mates and snorting a line, do you think she’ll care that they are middleclass?

To anyone defending it, get off the charlie and raise your kids.

And while we are here - Paula Yates. Another example of why drugs, in front of your kids is not a good thing to be doing with your life.

I guess all the cocaine defenders in this thread won’t have an issue when their kids are teenagers if they want to snort cocaine? If people here are saying it’s better than alcohol will they happily be snorting it infront of their 10yos at dinner? If not then why not? Because you’d have a glass of wine in front of them?

@bluebella4 I adopted both my children so am more aware than most about safeguarding. My father is also an alcoholic and so know first hand the fear.

However, the risk of a child being removed from their parent for occasional drug use (however stupid and irresponsible) would be far more traumatic for the child and they absolutely would NOT thank you for it.

In the OP’s situation I would distance myself from these people. I’d probably also make my views clear to the host about drug use around children. Calling social services? No

I find it interesting how given socio economic factors some people slip into addiction and addiction related neglect a lot easier than others

Coke doesn’t sit with me ethically mainly because the trail to get it here is so bloody , literally dripping with blood

A pill made in a lab , or some home grown weed troubles me less ethically (but don’t take pills )

I also don’t understand the 40-50 gang who still get Wasted . How do they sleep and function the next day ??

I prefer a mild spliff to alcohol on some occasions , and am not completely anti drugs . But I think getting wasted on coke
Around kids is a step too far

And don’t call SS . They have bigger fish to fry and this would waste their precious and scarce time and achieve fuck all