To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

"Tbh if anything cocaine makes you more aware and actually feel less drunk,"

Which then puts you in line for a heart attack, stroke etc. It also makes the come down a lot worse, during which the kids won't get looked after properly.

I'd judge, too, OP.

More than that, I'd be reluctant to socialise with these people much in the future, and I'd question whether you partner has been completely honest about his own drug use. How confident are you that he's telling you the truth? Even if you believe him implicitly, do you worry that such frequent and casual exposure to a drug-using lifestyle might at some point tempt him back or have other negative consequences?

Since this issue is something you obviously take very seriously, I think this necessitates more discussion between the two of you. His blasé attitude toward it all would be very worrying to me.

What do posters think of legalising cocaine to remove the criminal element of it?

I know so many people who do this, I dabbled in my life pre kids, but don't now.
All I hear is that cocaine isn't addictive, so why can't a large majority of people who take it have a night out without it? Drives me bonkers, 2 drinks in and everyone is just wide eyed talking bollox at you

I wonder how all of them would feel if their nanny was taking coke while looking after little Olivia.

Judgy thread?
Too damn right. I'm judging too.

What do posters think of legalising cocaine to remove the criminal element of it?

Define 'legalise'.

I am generally in favour of legalising drugs but, that means two things depending on the drug in question.

1- leaglise for recreational use, regulate, restrict sales points, age limits, tax, generally treat in a similar way to alcohol. I think this is appropriate for cannabis, ecsatcy, acid.

2- legalise for prescription and under medical supervision for those who have an existing problem. This approach has been used with some success both in trials (here) and more widely (abroad) with heroin and improved users lives, making them less chaotic and ensuring their supply is 'clean' and the quantities controlled.

I don't really know much about cocaine, but my instinct is it belongs in category 2.

To be fair how else would you manage to stay up until midnight?

I agree with you OP. I wouldn’t socialise with people who did that.

Firstly. Don't assume what you dont know about OPS DH... I have tried drugs. I am friends with those who do still take drugs. I can assure you I do not take them now. Even though I have happily gone to parties and evenings in with the same people.

@Dailydup was their behaviour different? It seems you didnt know anyone was on Coke until someone told you. Did you think it was just heavy drinking... ? Was that an acceptable state/environment for the DC to be in... and it's only become wrong once drugs became involved?

What if they were smoking? Is that okay around kids but becomes wrong once its weed?

Many things are illegal. Or have been illegal. Or were not illegal but now are.
Legality does not always equal morality.

Agree with people that it seems pathetic- it is.

Yes, I do judge people who take drugs around kids and I also judge people who get pissed around their kids. Yes, alcohol is legal but being wasted out of your mind around children is awful and just as bad. Whilst drunk your kid could get into danger, and you would have no clue because you're too inebriated to notice or do anything about it. Same with drugs. Both drugs and alcohol impair your senses, your reaction, your perception of danger etc Neither is acceptable.

If you want to do drugs or get wasted then crack on (pardon the pun!) but just do it when you aren't responsible for kids. Its not difficult.

Sometimes I think I must be the only person in the world who has NOT taken any illegal drugs (or been offered any, come to that).
Actually, I am not even sure I would know where to find any if I wanted them!!
I dont think I have been to those sort of gatherings, or if so, I really have not noticed it at all.
(I don't smoke, but do have the occassional glass of alcohol)

This doesn’t happen in my circle of friends (professionals mainly).

I wouldn’t be friends with people who did it, kids or not. And I would watch the boyfriend

I’m pretty straight though as are my friends. Happily so.

All I hear is that cocaine isn't addictive, so why can't a large majority of people who take it have a night out without it? Drives me bonkers, 2 drinks in and everyone is just wide eyed talking bollox at you

2 drinks in. Is that you or them? Can't people have a night out without drinking these days..

SS won’t care. I always wonder about people who will only buy free range and fair trade produce stuffing something up their noses that’s a product of child slave labour and bloodshed.

I actually find heavy drinkers as dull

I actually find heavy drinkers as dull

Yes! agree- people get so boorish and loud about their opinions when drunk and half the time they talk absolute slurred rubbish. Stuff they wouldn't say when sober.

Haven't read the whole thread.

I'm pretty liberal but I really wouldn't like this and definitely wouldn't expose my child to this, even if indirectly.

Our friendship group sounds a similar demographic but non of us are into this. Drinking, yes, we would do this around kids. But class A drugs? No, that's no ok.

Irresponsible and I wouldn't go and there again....I'd actually be questioning a bloke that tho is this is ok? And that hangs around with coke heads. Also it's quite probable that he does still do it.

Also I should add that I've certainly dabbled in all sorts in the past, but I couldn't do this around kids.

Having done coke in the past, I really don't think it's effects are comparable to having a few drinks!

YANBU. I would have felt very uncomfortable and left immediately. How utterly grim, those poor kids.

I am mid 30s, professional and no one in my circle does this, so not as common as some are making out.

I totally agree, OP. I would never socialise with these idiots again and I’d even be considering whether to continue in my relationship if I felt DP also continued to take drugs. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

It gives me the rage that people think “it’s just a cheeky line, loads of people do it, stop being so judgy.” I work with vulnerable children and teenagers, including many victims of the illegal drugs trade. Cocaine decimates families and communities, it literally destroys lives. But hey, as long as my middle class wealthy children aren’t involved that seems ok?! It’s not the same as alcohol at all, it’s illegal for a start. There could be anything in it. You have no idea if it could kill you. You’re not fit to be in charge of children on it (also alcohol IMO) or during come down. I’ve never met anyone on coke who wasn’t a self-absorbed, boring twat anyway.

@TryingToBeBold

Recreational cocaine use is both ethically and morally wrong. It leads to the criminal exploitation and physical/sexual abuse of vulnerable children and adults in the UK and across the world. It’s estimated that in excess of 46000 children in the UK are involved in county lines drug trafficking.

That doesn’t include the countless vulnerable adults also targeted through cuckooing.

YANBU. There’s a difference between class A drugs and alcohol, and there’s a difference between having a drink and being drunk. I think it’s irresponsible.

"If they were smackheads on a rough estate everyone would be outraged and screaming at you to inform Social services"

That isn't the same. Drawing unhelpful comparisons often derails any kind of sensible debate/opinion around drugs.

They are not all the same. Using them once or twice does not make you an 'addict' or 'junkie'. Having a small amount of cocaine won't drastically change your ability to function (unlike acid say or heroin)
Moral outrage does not lead to critical thinking.

"I’ve never met anyone on coke who wasn’t a self-absorbed, boring twat anyway" - totally agree!