To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

I’ve heard stories of middle class professionals doing coke in the toilets during parent evenings, so no, not surprised. Drug taking and hypocrisy unfortunately go hand in hand in some professional middle class circles.

Your bf and you have different standards, only you can decide if his friends’ are the types you can be assed to socialise with. You can certainly judge people by the company they keep especially when they don’t have an issue with the behaviour.

@strongmummy i have great respect for you! You are clearly aware that this shouldnt be happening and it needs reported.

Im sorry hear your dad was an alcoholic but your experience is different to someone's else's. You can't compare! You can try but no two situations are the same, similar but NOT the same!
Sending right support and educating isn't traumatic. Seeing your mother/father vomiting and acting irrationally is traumatic!
I highly doubt the first response is to remove the child. Children SHOULD not be in an environment were parents can't care for them. There is no two ways about it!

With regards to occasional, I highly doubt it is! They are grown adults with demanding life styles and if they choose this to have "fun" god only knows what they do to relax!
Saying every now then won't do no harm is what causes issues like this to became socially acceptable, blaring the lines of parenting to be one of them. Sorry, no I don't get it! Why risk it? Why put your child in danger? Why teach them it's ok to abuse alcohol and drugs?

@bluebella4 thank you and I do understand what you’re saying. I think we’re both agreeing that taking drugs is awful and taking drugs infront of kids is appalling

Cocaine's cool now, your prime minister admitted to doing it and loads of you voted for him.

True Flower, and the amount of posters not giving a shit about the ethics of its production/how it actually gets up their nose speaks volumes to me about the election results. Me me meeeeeeee....

I doubt there's much risk of a bag going astray- it's expensive stuff.

Forget the party. How keen are you on this BF? Because he sounds like its his scene. If you were imagining a long term settling down relationship with him I'd iron out the drugs are a deal-breaker conversation with him before investing anymore into the relationship.

Yanbu. I know a big group of middle class parents who are all regular cocaine users. They all support greenpeace and buy fair trade etc, then spend the weekends buying coke and turning a complete blind eye to the trail of environmental and social destruction caused by the cocaine trade.
The other thing that marks them out is that they are all self obsessed, narcissistic and frankly boring when taking it. That narcissism seems to deep into their behaviour when not taking it, too. And at the weekend, they have ‘sleepovers’ at each other’s houses with all their kids. The adults stay up all night taking coke and in the morning the kids see to themselves. Dreadful parenting imho.

Judge judge judge. What has it got to do with you? It's new year's eve, lots of people all together, you didn't even notice they were taking anything so they can't have been wasted. Being a parent doesn't mean you have to stop all fun forever, everything isn't black and white.

partofyoupoursoutofme are you a cokehead as well then? Anyone who needs cocaine to ‘have fun’ is pathetic, you might be ‘having fun’ but everyone else around you thinks you are acting like a that you are a twat.

But here have a biscuit anyway..

Reprehensible to do something like that when kids are around.

Pathetic to touch that crap full stop.

@ManonBlackbeak no I don't take anything, don't even drink but still allowed an opinion I think. Seems like a private nye party with like minded friends is an ideal place to let your hair down. People get so angry about other's choices, and love to judge. Everyone takes different risks in life, if you don't understand why others' priorities are different from yours then maybe hold off with the angry judging.

So the exploitation/trafficking/human misery of the Cocaine trade is worth it to have a little fun then? It's not the risk they are taking that leads me to judge, it's the exploitation they are funding. I judge cocaine users who are not parents for exactly the same reason.

Being a parent does mean you have to do some parenting and be responsible for small children. That includes not being so drunk or wasted that you can't take that responsibility eg. If one should become ill and need to be taken to hospital unexpectedly.

@partofyoupoursoutofme So getting fucked of your face while responsible for children is "fun"? 🤔 HOW? WHY?

There is a MASSIVE difference between having your own ideas about how to parent and actual safe guarding children! Why not get a minder? Why not keep the children AWAY?
Would you walk into a drug den with your child? It's about making the RIGHT choices to PROTECT your child!

Funny how most of the posters on here would happily have a drink with their kids upstairs in bed. Thats just as irresponsible.

Not me Kimbaland, I don't drink when I have responsibility for DD. I regard getting drunk while looking after kids as unacceptable too.

Funny how most of the posters on here would happily have a drink with their kids upstairs in bed. Thats just as irresponsible

Having a couple of glasses of wine is NOT the same as doing lines, most useless argument ever.

To be honest I would think it was irresponsible for all the adults with children to be drunk (let alone taking drugs) at the same time.

IMO there should always be one in the group that stays sober just in case something happens that needs someone to drive to A&E or just be the 'responsible adult'.