To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

"Typical MN. Anyone standing near a bottle of wine when responsible for young children would be a selfish alcoholic, but snorting powder is ok?
And as long as they are not wearing Per Una by M&S all is fine!!!!(NOT)."
"if you were talking about a poor family being off their faces while in charge of their small dc I imagine the replies to this post would be different."

If you were talking about a poor family being obese and daring to eat a sausage roll in front of their children, the replies would be very different.

SS wouldn't give a shit, because it's the educated professionals doing drugs, but it is shit parenting.

I agree that your DP still uses and it is so normal to him, that he didn't warn you.

I have used drugs recreationally, including in Weatherspoons (to show my bar is set low) but I wouldn't mix with scum who snort around their children. Don't tell me the next day they are back to normal, because they aren't. I have the same attitude to getting hammered (not tipsy). Because you can bounce back the next day from a drink. It's shit for the kids to be around the taking and aftermath.

It's double standards by the middle class who probably look down on druggie homeless people and won't give them a pound because they'll spend it on drink/drugs meanwhile it's a bit of fun for them snorting stuff and they wouldn't consider themselves 'druggies'

Awful behaviour on their part.

@Dailydup, as well as the health thing they are also funding terrorism. Those that are behind importing drugs, rarely don't also traffic women and children.

I’m sure there will be plenty of Mumsnetters who do it!

It makes no difference who else is doing unless you’re one of those sad sacks who doesn’t have a mind of their own.

Urgh how pathetic. I think that's really awful, and I'm a parent who would be happy to drink alcohol around my children (and I do, not to excess though).

I am in London and I do know some people who probably take drugs at parties - but I tend not to socialise with them, and if I do I would never take my kids along. I don't want them anywhere near that.

I personally wouldn't report it though.

It's double standards by the middle class who probably look down on druggie homeless people and won't give them a pound because they'll spend it on drink/drugs meanwhile it's a bit of fun for them snorting stuff and they wouldn't consider themselves 'druggies

This

It's disgustingly irresponsible behaviour. I don't think being drunk around kids is ok either - a drink or two is different.

I'd say DH and I are quite middle class - most of our circle are university educated and all are homeowners. We're in our early 30s; our friends are accountants / teachers / NHS execs and none of them do, or ever have done to my knowledge, coke. Is it a London thing, or maybe a banker thing? (Genuine question)

The middle class regular users are the ones contributing to the exploitation and abuse of vulnerable children via county lines drug trafficking, but they are so incredibly selfish and ignorant as to where their next party supply is coming they’ll happily pay their dealer without a care in the world. Meanwhile someone else’s child is being beaten, sexually assaulted, and manipulated into doing the dirty work.

Any recreational drug user who thinks it’s all fun and games should be made to watch ‘Britain's Child Drug Runners’, a Channel 4 Dispatches documentary. Hopefully, it opens their eyes to what they’re fuelling with their drug money.

I voted YANBU but I also agree with comments about drinking whilst looking after children... Each to their own but I'd rather make sure I'm in the right mind and judgement if I have children to care for, alcohol and drugs can impair that.

Taking illegal drugs is very different to drinking alcohol in my opinion

Firstly, its illegal and alcohol isnt
Secondly they are putting a mind altering substance into their bodies that has has no oversight in its production, it could be cut with rat poison or much more concentrated than ‘normal’ and the impact of that could be devastating
Thirdly buying the drugs is supporting a manufacturing, distribution and sales network that is exploitative / enslaving of people who have very few options and then funding crime and terrorist activities

Doing all this while in charge of multiple dc is irresponsible at best and could be outright dangerous.

I wonder how many of the adults at the party claim to not buy clothes made in far east factories that use child labour or try and eat local to minimise their impact on the environment. They should think about how the shipping of their drugs from Asia and Africa works with the eat local philosophy and how the kids working in the drugs factories and growing the crops are treated by the cartels.

Yes Im judgey on this, imho its irresponsible, hypocritical and they should take a good hard look at how they are spending their money to enrich people they probably would classify as evil

You are not BU, OP.

Children like Jaiden Moodie are murdered weekly in this country because your 'friend' buys illegal drugs. Every drugs purchase perpetuates the violence and kills more children. I hope you told him that?

Exactly, when SS come knocking at your door, will peer pressure be an adequate excuse for neglect. What if everyone is so off their faces that they miss an emergency with one of the kids. Even a large group that aren’t mashed looking after kids is dangerous because everyone assumes someone else is doing the watching when in reality no one is. If you can’t stop taking drugs to care for your kids, you have no business having them.

As someone who does not drink alcohol or caffeine, take any medicine like pain killers or cocaine I see them all the same. I also do not have a problem with people doing any of them if they want to. Anyone looking after children should of course be capable, taking any drugs from alcohol to caffeine can affect judgement.

The legal issue I do not see as a problem either. It wasn't long ago when been homosexual was illegal, just because a law says we can or can not do something does
Not affect it's morality.

You sound a bit narrow minded and boring.

Lots of people you know will do things but choose not to tell you because you judge them.

I’ve experienced this loads recently.
At the afters of a naming ceremony, a christening, lots of “family friendly” parties like the one you were at.

I’m at a bit of a loss as to what’s going on but everyone, from all different circles seem to be mad for coke these days. Annoying to be around.

From the point of view of impairment of parenting skills I'd put it in the same bracket as drinking.

I think it's shitty parenting as is being drunk in charge of your children. They're both as bad as each other IMO as impaired is impaired no matter the substance.

Sorry but being illegal is the only difference really... If cocaine became legal I doubt it would all of a sudden become ok, it doesn't change the affects. It's still irresponsible to get off your face no matter what the substance.

The whole legal/illegal argument is a bit redundant. We're speaking about childcare and things that can impair it. Alcohol can also do this, legal or not.

The legal issue I do not see as a problem either.

The legal issue is relevant because if this were a poorer household, the dealer would likely know where the family live. Regularly in North London, doors are opened and the owner stabbed as a result of drug debts or “beef”. There are lots of examples in the news which are google-able (because I know someone will come on and call this ridiculous) Children included being stabbed at their own door or carrying drugs, or refusing to hand back drug phones when their gang seniors come out of prison.

Shitty parenting and bet they would judge others for less.

You sound a bit narrow minded and boring.

Yeah you’re just so boring OP! Why are you such a square? Stick some unknown substance up your snout. That will make you cool.

😂😂😂

Absolutely vile behavior. It Is different from just drinking alcohol in the sense that no doubt they are mixing alcohol and drugs, which is a dangerous situation and could lead to psychotic behaviour/ ODing. Never mind the fact you don't know wtf is in the drugs to begin with. And yes, a full house of adults drinking when 'supervising' children is a hideous situation as it is, if there's no one in charge of their facilties and not sober, then I hope if someone was to happen to one of the kids then I would hope that all of the 'adults' present would get done for negligence.

How is this okay? How can people justify this? Is it because it’s other people’s teenage kids getting drawn into county lines? Is it because the problems with gangs affect working class kids, kids on council estates, black kids? People who are happy for other people’s kids lives to be blighted and ended prematurely have no justification. “Just a few lines” is a way of minimising the misery and oppression caused by that awful stuff. There is no justification.

Time to break up with your DP. He’s part of a group that takes cocaine and it’s pointless asking him to cut contact with them because he won’t. At some point he’s likely to start using again and you already know that he thinks it’s ok to take drugs around children. Do you really want this man looking after your future children? What if him or his friends take drugs in front of your DC? Or what if you divorce him and you have no control over him taking your DC to these drug fuelled parties!

One of Jude Laws picked up drugs off the floor at a party and took them... From what I recall she was very lucky!