To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

My ex used to say he 'used to do it but not anymore'. Still hung around with people that regularly used it.
Then one day I found a letter from his GP referring him to the Drugs Support Group.
He had gone to the GP to say he had a problem with it and uses when he goes out. I never knew and that was 6 years into our relationship!!

I think its pathetic to do coke at a party when DC are there. I also think coke is a shit drug for a parent to do. Lots of people think its harmless but it won't be so harmless when they're having a heart attack at 45 due to their cocaine use.

I'm no stranger to drugs and I've done a lot of them. I have 'friends' who are parents and do coke. I don't see them much anymore as I have no desire for my DC to be around them. In my experience they are the parents who don't do a lot with their DC unless it involves socialising and coke afterwards. Then they moan all week about anxiety and depression and not being able to function - well stop being such a selfish twat then. Urgh!

I also doubt your new dp doesn't partake if he 'used' to do it.

I wouldn't think twice at a parent friend doing drugs at a festival once a year or so, I'm not anti drugs. I am anti shit parenting though.

I know of a party similar just down the road from me. Multiple kids there and all the adults were doing cocaine. It's disgusting really.

Also, he doesn't know you very well does he?

He knows they take drugs regularly at social gatherings and yet he said nothing to warn you.

Typical MN. Anyone standing near a bottle of wine when responsible for young children would be a selfish alcoholic, but snorting powder is ok?

And as long as they are not wearing Per Una by M&S all is fine!!!!(NOT).

I have read exactly the same thread on here probably about 6 - 9 months back.

The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents

Yeah- this is a huge thing! I was brought up thinking drugs were just something criminals did on council estates. My first year living in London (working a highflying professional job) opened my eyes massively.

Solicitors, barristers, Engineers pretty much every one in the Finance sector...hooked on the stuff! Most aged 25-50 with middle class backgrounds and nearing (or exceeding) six figure salaries. Many had families. It was as normal as going for a drink after work.

I’ve never experimented with any recreational drug and never will.

It is different from alcohol.
And also very illegal.
Disgusting behaviour

Its shit and irresponsible and if you were talking about a poor family being off their faces while in charge of their small dc I imagine the replies to this post would be different.

Your DP does it too. He’s on good behaviour now because you were there and he knows your stance on drugs but I guarantee you he does. There’s no way his entire social circle uses coke while he’s there, including offering to his partner, and he doesn’t.

Well I am a "middle class " professional ( won't see 30 again mind you), and no one in my friendship group takes it.
Quite common I know in people in their 20's sadly, but they aren't parents. I don't mind people smoking a bit of weed ,but Cocaine is a no no for me, and doing lines in a house with kids would make me want to not associate with them again.
Its bloody dangerous, and someone I worked with took a heart attack after snorting it because it was a lot purer than they thought. Never ever took it again.

I’m not a drugs user and never have been but I can’t see that cocaine is any worse than having a few drinks at a party. I also find the tone of the OP very judgy - how can she be so sure everyone else at the party was using coke? That seems unlikely to me. I have been at parties where I was aware some people were using but it never occurred to me that DH and I were the only abstainers.

That being said, if you feel strongly about this OP it’s probably best to end it with your partner. If drug use is that prevalent in his social circle you will never feel comfortable with them and your differing attitudes to this will come between you.

And Worlds on Fire is correct. It is common in the "City" in London.

I'd report that to children's services personally.

It's one thing turning a blind eye when it is just adults making lifestyle choices for themselves, but it's another when there are children there. There's potential for a really tragic accident in this situation.

I'm surprised that nobody has brought up the fact that these middle class, well educated professionals think it's fine to take class A drugs without giving a second thought to the misery and exploitation behind the lines they are snorting. No doubt they have an ethical consumer conscious when it comes to the meat they eat, they clothes they buy and caring about the effect of their actions on the environment. Then why don't they apply this thinking to their drug use?
Children and vulnerable people are exploited and abused by ruthless organised crime gangs so that they can snort their coke at leisure. Surely most people have heard of county lines?
And yes I agree with you it is utterly irresponsible and dreadful parenting to do this at a party with children around. So much wrong with this.

Middle class are probably the only ones who can afford to partake, they are the biggest consumers and always have been.
It's been the done thing forever, I'm surprised you aren't aware of this already.
I don't suppose it's any worse than any other drug or alcohol they were consuming.

So it's all about affordability? As long as it's not a skint working class couple it's ok, because the actual sin is that they can't afford to get irresponsibly high whilst the MC people are alright as, well, they consume cause they can afford to and aren't spending their food budget?

The massive double standards.

It's how the middle class/upper middle class stay thin, right? I'm with you OP - I don't think it's ok either and I'm always amazed at how common drug taking around kids is. I'm no saint - I drink and I've taken drugs - but I feel like there are limits. I also hate the double (class) standards - if they were poor social services would be more likely to be involved. If you're rich, apparently it's all good.

Conscience not conscious

@Inherdefence my post sounds “judgy” because I am judging.
As for how I can be so sure that everyone was doing it - when it was offered to me by DH’s friend, she made sure to tell me that everyone else was doing it. After I knew what was going on and before we left, I noticed how many were going off to the bathrooms together, so seems likely.

Of course cocaine is way worse than alcohol! How can people say it's the same?
Who knows if they are actually snorting cocaine and not some random messed up lethal ingredients by some dodgy dealer?
At least with alcohol you know it's legit when you buy it and you don't buy from some dodgy character. Much less risk drinking than taking some unknown substance.
It seems more and more common that it's acceptable to be drunk as well in charge of kids which again isn't right

It used to be the rich man's drug so doesn't suprise me high earners and professionals still use it!
Very irresponsible of them with kiddies around though

Disgusting. Poor kids. They aren’t respectable, they are neglectful.

YANBU that this is shitty parenting

However, this is extremely common amongst middle and upper middle classes. Very.

I’m pretty open minded when it comes to drugs. I partook regularly when I was younger (I was a right ok’ raver) and am happy to dabble occasionally still, from time to time.

However I absolutely draw the line at taking drugs when in charge of the children, and even though they are now teens I still won’t if it means I have to communicate with them while I’m under the influence. Doing drugs around your kids is not cool or clever.

@Nutgirl I agree. I find the whole thing ironic as most of them are vegan or vegetarian and very health conscious