To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

I should step back from these drug taking friends. Just because they are wealthy doesn't make them better than someone who is a poor person taking drugs. Also I dont think people should be drunk around their children.

I totally agree that is disgusting but I do think that someone who has had a few lines of cocaine would be more alert then someone who's had a lot of booze. I am by no means condoning it. I do not take drugs and do like a drink.

And I would also step back from them as drug taking really is never a good thing.
Why on earth would you want to take drugs at a house party with kids? It's crazy thinking.

You can spot all of the coke snorting twats a mile off on this thread.

Wow. These are not my type of people either OP & I’d have left, as you did too.
Massive shame that this is how these people choose to have a ‘nice’ evening. And poor kids!
Not cool imo.

Not a massive issue for me. Alcohol is far more disabling than a bit of coke. You sound naive and highly strung.

YANBU. I was at a party once and left early due to being unwell. Found out later that one person had nipped out to buy some coke for everyone. I was so glad I wasn't there at the time. Had the police raised the place we would all have potentially been charged.

I would be furious if I had my DC at a party and discovered drugs were being taken. I would consider OP whether you want to move in these circles.

@tonglong

Do you really think snorting cocaine near children is the same as popping a paracetamol? If so, then I’m the worst mother in the world for having tramadol straight after my c-section!

I took a lot of recreational drugs until my DD was born and at that point I gave up completely. I would also judge parents who were doing that at a party their kids were at. Bit irresponsible but also quite sad that they are making those choices.

There was a case reported locally of a woman on a family holiday on a caravan park. After a couple of glasses of wine and and a few lines of coke reveraed over a toddler playing outside their caravan and very nearly killed them.
On a family holiday! Late in the afternoon! Normalising it within your social group is pathetic! These people need to find some energy/confidence/ buzz without that utter shit!

What this issue always brings home to me is how very localised behaviour is across social circles, and how normalised things can be in those circles. And of course anyone who does something arguably dodgy will insist that "everyone does it".

Fwiw I'm a MC London professional with kids, DH ditto, friends ditto ditto. I've never done coke, never been offered coke, never been to a party with kids where there was coke. Nor has DH. I think it's fucking grim and I'd absolutely end a friendship if I found someone was doing coke in front of their/my kids. On top of the blood on users' hands from the supply chain and the fact that cokeheads and drunks tie for thinking they're brilliant and hilarious while actually being boring and irritating, it must be quite frightening for the children.

I agree with CressidaDuck.

I am a middle class professional in London with a City job as is my dh. We socialise with similar. I have not come across drugs in any shape or form in social, work or dcs' independent schools. I doubt if the lawyers in my office could pull the late nights if they were on drugs. And if I found out about it, my job would require me to escalate it.

Some posters on this thread are trying to normalise drug taking. I assume they are abusing it themselves and heaping misery on others in supporting the illegal drug trade and money laundering.

Some people are trying to nomalise

@bluebella4 it’s pretty obvious surely. If SS get involved the kids could be removed. You think the kids would appreciate that or do you think it would scar them for life. I don’t condone drug taking at all especially if kids are present, but you’re overreacting massively. From a being able to be responsible for kids perspective taking coke is no worse than drinking.

I’ve taken coke before, so have my friends. There’s absolutely no way any of us would do it in front of our kids! I wouldn’t want my kids to see me drunk either.

Most of us stopped once we had kids, or only do it once in a blue moon. Yes, I’d agree that it makes you more alert compared to being under the influence of alcohol, but who on earth would want their kids seeing them under the influence of coke? I bumped into one of my old friends recently and his jaw was going, his hands flapping, talking nonsense, sniffing constantly and a tell tale trail of white powder on his upper lip. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

How can taking coke be compared to having a glass of wine? It’s an illegal substance for a reason. I would absolutely cut off friends, or family, if I discovered they were druggies.

@livelovebehappy and you think if alcohol had been discovered now it would be legal? Coke and alcohol are both drugs. One is illegal the other isn’t. One is therefore socially acceptable the other isn’t. That’s the main difference. As I say I don’t condone drug taking at all, but there’s quite a bit of hypocrisy on this thread as to what drug is preferable to be a more responsible parent

I have seen this in London, I do think it is very common here unfortunately.

I hate it, I won't even have more than two drinks with DD around.

I won't and never have done class A's, I really think they are highly immoral, the scale of human global misery they cause is awful.

I think I was regarded as a "party pooper", but I no longer see these parent friends because I wasn't comfortable with having coke in the same house as kids, plus their insane level of drinking at the same time.

Wow call me judgemental I dont care. Cant believe this is being debated so much about the rights and wrongs of taking drugs. Why would anyone want to put such crap in their bodies let alone as a parent! Even more reprehensible with children in the house! It shouldn't be up for debate it's an evil trade and does untold damage to your body even if you think it doesn't. I'm not a saint. I dabbled with the odd e and speed back in the day because of peer pressure and I know someone extremely close to me was given some coke to try to help their anxiety problem but scared them witless so they called their own ambulance. We also live in a drug prone area and have seen families torn apart when their 'wouldn't harm a fly' son has been murdered for money from their drug deals. I've seen children bullied into being runners for those higher up the chain. Anyone who thinks this is just a bit of fun now and again, or thinks they are ok because they think they are better than the druggies on the streets are fooling themselves. So called middle class professionals taking drugs at a party thinking they are so cool are pathetic, I'd go as far to say they are negligent of their children by having them in that environment. Just cant believe the excuses I'm reading on here!

Where i work if we found out that parents were taking drugs while children are in the house it is a clear cut safeguarding referral.

It is well documented now that children whose parents use drugs are at higher risk of adverse outcomes.

YADNBU.

I think that's a really awful way to behave around children. Really awful. And I'm a liberal parent. And yes I would consider contacting authorities.

Oh right, so it’s not addictive except it actually is quite addictive.

Wasn’t Brian Harvey on coke when he managed to run himself over? Not sure I’d want him babysitting my kids tbh.

Richard Pryor, that’s another one that ended well. Do these idiots hunched over their bogs while their kids play really think they are living their best lives?

And what happens when the kids are a bit older and they’re in their teens? Plenty of middle class kids do coke. What happens then? Do they all join in?

Ex Coke user here. I stopped taking it when I had kids, but honestly, that was probably more to do with the expense! Legalities assidr, hand on heart, I'd say it is safer to look after kids on coke than on alcohol. It is a stimulant, it makes you alert, chatty, and improves your concentration. It's a much milder buzz than alcohol which just makes you stupid, clumsy, take risks etc

Personally I don't get drink in front of my kids either though. It's not ideal but I certainly wouldn't be calling social services.

It’s always the way that the lower classes get bashed for it (albeit on a cheaper high than coke) but the middle classes get away with it . I wouldn’t like it either , and know people that do this .

Blimey! I thought you were going to say they all got drunk while being in charge of their children which I think is wrong too. If you're going to get drunk and take drugs at least make sure your children are being cared for elsewhere!