To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

@TryingToBeBold

Is it because the nose is visible that it's worse..?

Don't know and couldn't give a shit either. I'm not a coke snorting twat and I don't over drink either.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable - you're being far more of a proper parent than this irresponsible and uncaring bunch!!

I used to work with people who had substance abuse issues, and saw the damage cocaine, alcohol and other types of drug abuse did to people's lives, in particular their family lives.

It doesn't matter how well -off or professional the parents are - there are real safeguarding issues for children if their parents take cocaine regularly as the most common effects are to make the parents aggressive, reckless and narcissistic - and cocaine is highly addictive, as well as illegal.
Your DH needs to be informed about all this -and for the children's sake, social services should be alerted.

The one thing i disagree with is that someone should always be in a position to drive to hospital. Dh doesn't even drive, does that mean he can't be left in charge of the children? There are taxis, ambulances, etc. So i don't think you have to stay under the limit but you do need to be sober enough to deal with an emergency. And cocaine is just a bit grim really. Though i wouldn't be surprised if some people i know do this

Hello, ex drug taker here and I don’t take drugs anymore, even among friends that do. It is possible mind. I even went away on a girls weekend where two of them were taking coke and I didn’t do any. I can’t say I’m never tempted but I don’t want to go down that road again. It is possible for OPs OH to not take drugs, I don’t even understand why people are insinuating that he still does.

Ok perhaps I need to rephrase it thus

on balance of probability if your DP is tight with a group of mates that treat taking coke like taking a shot of tequila (for instance) then he’s more likely than not to be partial to it too.

People who like the same things hang out together but I concede that just because all his friends like Coldplay - say - that’s it’s not a given he does.

It’s just more likely than not he’d be up for a bit of Chris Martin if everyone else is when it’s party time.

It’s a child protection issue.

If they were working class and we’re taking heroin you’d report it wouldn’t you?

This is just as bad.

Normally folk would immediately pipe up and say “report to social services”. Not seen anyone say this, they would if they were poor and scruffy. Maybe you should report them OP.
If these folk are that educated then surely they would understand the horrors of the drug trade?? They obviously don’t give a shit.

If it were their kids getting involved in drug supply, county lines, knife crime etc.they might think about their actions, but they are middle class and above all that, and can afford to pay for their addictions so it never affects them, only the poor buggers at the other end.

’ If they were working class and we’re taking heroin you’d report it wouldn’t you? This is just as bad.’

Heroin is addictive. Also, SS don’t necessarily remove children from addicts and alcoholics. In itself it’s not considered grounds.

Your DP would 100% have been using if you weren’t there OP and no doubt had you shown interest that night he would have happily gone along with it.

Don’t be so naive to think that he shares your outrage or wouldn’t be ok with the same scenario if you had kids with him.

Just a few things for your references .. especially those of you that think drinking heavily around children and taking class A drugs is 'just dandy' and the OP is a bit square..

www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/drinking-alcohol-child-in-front-of-arrested-illegal-seven-year-old-licencing-act-family-a7836656.html%3Famp

www.gov.uk/government/publications/safeguarding-children-affected-by-parental-alcohol-and-drug-use/safeguarding-and-promoting-the-welfare-of-children-affected-by-parental-alcohol-and-drug-use-a-guide-for-local-authorities

I find it quite sad that people can't have a nice family party without getting high. It just seems a bit tawdry and pathetic. I took loads of shit in my 20s but I wouldn't be interested now.

I wouldn’t call SS no; you’ll possibly be tearing families apart. If you can live with that then great, but I couldn’t. I would distance myself however

Thanks @ahenderson270 - interesting.

I wouldn’t call SS no; you’ll possibly be tearing families apart

Highly unlikely that they'll be bothered, never mind tearing families apart!

I'm not going to lie, I've done a line or two in my time. Not since I've had children. I don't mind a few drinks around the Children but I wouldn't do drugs, if you do you've lost any moral high ground with them.

My main problem with drugs is the funding of criminal gangs.

I’m a child of the 80s. There was drinking at every family party, wedding, baptism or funeral and children were always around. Recreational drug use is much more normal and accepted now. It’s not that surprising that (some) parents are using at parties.

@FiddlesticksAkimbo as someone who has adopted kids, they would !!!!

@FiddlesticksAkimbo to confirm, I adopted my children. My children haven’t been removed !!!!

YANBU OP, although it doesn’t surprise me all that much. I’m in a similar demographic and don’t think it’s beyond the realms of possibility that people in my social circle would do this. (Sadly)

Judge away OP, it's pathetic and YANBU. There's a huge difference between alcohol - which is legal and doesn't have a hugely complicated, damaging trade like drugs - and class A drugs. And to be honest I would be judgey if parents who were blind drunk whilst in charge of young children anyway. In that situation one parent should stay relatively sober; it's possible to enjoy a few small drinks spread over an evening, with food, which is what I would do if in charge of children.

No I wouldn't like that either. A lot of my friends dhs do it. I was at a wedding over Xmas and everyone was doing it but not around kids!

It is irresponsible but social services would not be interested as it's not neglect.

Actually a child left without adequate supervision is neglectful according to the NSPCC website, and while these dickheads are busy pleasing themselves who knows what the kids are up to? I’d consider it neglectful if one of them needed assistance and the parents are all locked up in the toilet snorting.

Question thoigh? If cocaine isn’t addictive how are Stevie Nicks and Daniella Westbrook explained?

It isn’t physically addictive in the way opiates and alcohol are - you won’t go through a physical withdrawal. But it is psychologically addictive. People get addicted to the “high”, the feeling of invincibility and rush of power that you can get from it.