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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party popper gate!

187 replies

menopause59 · 02/01/2020 10:49

I have had New year at my house for about 6 years, nothing massive just family and friends a few drinks and a bit of food.
We don't have a massive house 3 bed semi kitchen big so always end up in there.
Family member turns up two bags of party poppers they know i hate them as they make loads of mess and new years day clean up with a hangover is bad enough.
Anyway come 11.50 party poppers are handed out and i shout 'please let them off outside' but i'm totally ignored and people let about 4 off. I'm so bloody annoyed, and tell them all.
I say something along the lines of 'how disrespectful, i invite you into our home, no-one comes around help i only ask one thing and you can't do that' i think it was a bit more but i can't remember.

I was told i was being dramatic and spoiled I the atmosphere, and it all went a bit awkward.

Anyway as predicted no one came to help yesterday i was up at 7 cleaning and i'm absolutely shattered, but no one rung to check all ok as they usually do.

i actually feel guilty for spoiling the night, but think i was in my right to say something.

So was i being unreasonable to say something, or is it that my family really don't give a shit about me

OP posts:
Nomorepies · 03/01/2020 19:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

SunshineCake · 03/01/2020 19:10

Really sad to see so many people thinking YABU. No manners there either.

Commonwasher · 03/01/2020 19:10

I kind of get why you blew your top... you always end up hosting and it does take time, money and effort, before during and after the event itself. If you don’t actively want to do it — but everyone assumes ‘round to OP’s for new year eh?’ — then you end up feeling put upon and strung out.

I guess it’s not a few streamers that’s the problem, but that you’d specifically asked them not to bring them and they gleefully ignored you and made a thing of doing it anyway.

I hosted too, it was bloody hard work, but fun, and I like seeing people. One of the guest’s kids pulled a shelf off the wall! If it were not for the fact I was having a good evening myself, I might have snapped too!

Snowy111 · 03/01/2020 19:14

Missing the point a bit but do grown adults really think party poppers are fun? Confused

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/01/2020 19:24

Snowy111

Missing the point a bit but do grown adults really think party poppers are fun? confused

Yes, actually, if there are lots of you, after a few drinks, counting down to new year and all let them off at the same time - yes, they have a fair element of fun.
You ought to join op at her party next year - nobody else will be there so it’ll be nice and peaceful for you both.🤣

Knittingsavesme · 03/01/2020 19:28

I’m with you OP. I hate party poppers and you were lucky you managed to limit it to four. Well sidelined! You’ve done your bit. Now let someone else take NYE on in future. Sounds like they’ve started to take your generosity for granted.

Hopoindown31 · 03/01/2020 19:32

You sound fun.

Angrywife · 03/01/2020 19:36

The point isn't about the party poppers. It's about the OP being ignored and disrespected in her own house.
You can think someone's rules are as petty as you like but it's their house so you abide by their rules. If you don't want to, you leave. End of.

Knittingsavesme · 03/01/2020 19:40

@Angrywife I agree

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 03/01/2020 19:42

The point isn't about the party poppers. It's about the OP being ignored and disrespected in her own house.You can think someone's rules are as petty as you like but it's their house so you abide by their rules. If you don't want to, you leave. End of

Exactly, I think the OP is getting an unnecessary hard time here - why's everyone piling on to say she's being uptight about party poppers and mess when her guests KNEW she didn't like them or want them but decided to ignore her and bring them anyway?
That'd piss me off too.

cornish009 · 03/01/2020 19:50

Sometimes I read a post and feel I must really live in another world.

In my 55 years I have never once told guests off at a party, I have never been told off as a guest in anyone else's party and I have never witnessed anyone telling anyone else off.

I have never offered to help anyone clean up their house the next day after a party (let alone at 7am). I have never had anyone offer to help at a party I have had. I have never heard anyone else to offer to clean up at anyone else's house the next day.

I have never got up at 7am to clean up at a party.

I have however asked the children not to let off party poppers outside when it is difficult/impossible to clear up. I have always let them release them inside when it takes about 5 seconds to clear one up.

Sofacat · 03/01/2020 20:17

Party popper info alert !

The dye comes out of the streamers from party poppers if they get wet and doesn’t wash out .

Chattercino · 03/01/2020 20:18

Do you actually expect your guests to come back the next day to help you to sweep up their party poppers? Is this a joke?

Localocal · 03/01/2020 20:39

Mostly I think YABU. When you host a party, especially on NYE, there will be a mess to clear up after, and your guests can't really be expected to do it (though obviously if they are very nice they probably will offer!) Party poppers are not a big deal to clean up and do make a festive moment, so I think you have over reacted to them and should not have made your guests uncomfortable by trapping them between you and the popper provider and making them feel shitty for having fun in a pretty normal way.

Having said that, the popper provider who brought them knowing you don't like them set off in your house was being unkind and my feelings would be hurt too if someone in my family deliberately did something they knew would piss me off. That person has been inconsiderate and possibly passive aggressive and I would want to call them out too. But privately afterwards, so as not to bring everyone else into it.

screamer1 · 03/01/2020 20:41

Party pooper more like

Jack80 · 03/01/2020 21:12

Maybe not host the party next year, I get that they are a pain as I don't like the circle thing being left everywhere but I wouldn't be bothered about having them in my house but then again I don't do parties. It's your house your rules..

Giraffey1 · 03/01/2020 21:55

4 party poppers? Takes a minute to clear up if that. I’d understand if it was 40!

masterchef98 · 03/01/2020 22:27

I think maybe the friends and family want to get together, your house is the best space and you are increasingly reluctant to host (hosting is much harder than going to a party!!) So next year dont offer, hopefully someone else will, if not make your own plans.

Lovely13 · 03/01/2020 22:29

At least it wasn’t vomit.

IceCreamFace · 03/01/2020 22:32

I agree that party poppers are not a big deal to clean but I think people are being unkind to OP. It's very rude to bring them when OP said no and probably makes her feel taken advantage of.

MarvellousMayhem · 03/01/2020 22:35

I too think you’ve Being given a hard time OP.
No dishwasher? That would add hours to a clean up.
Someone actually telling you that they laughed buying them as they knew it would piss you off?! Totally enraging.
I wouldn’t expect people to offer to clean up after a party though.

AzraiL · 03/01/2020 23:42

They may have BU for letting a few poppers off despite your protests, but seriously, you come off as way more U.

YABU for banning party poppers... at a party. And for expecting people to take it outside where it's actually harder to clean up. And for throwing a strop and making it awkward. And for resenting that no one helps you clean up after. You should probably not host anything anymore. And that's if you can even get people willing to attend anything after that display.

I had a friend who invited a whole friendship group and partners over. They became quite stressed and was short/threw a bit of a strop in the first hour. People left early, talked about how unwelcome she made them feel for a good couple of years afterwards.

She hosted NYE this year, and she scrambled around inviting acquaintances as others didn't go. So years later she still hasn't fully recovered socially.

sidesplittinglol · 03/01/2020 23:44

OP you expect people to come clean up your house the day after a NYE party you hosted. Outrageous. I hope you stick by your own expectations and go clean up other peoples houses after they've hosted you.

How unreasonable of you to have a go at your guests minutes before midnight. You ruined the atmosphere and excitement for everyone.

Very bad hosting.

Ratherberightthanhappy · 03/01/2020 23:59

🎉🎉🎉 🎉😳

Popc0rn · 04/01/2020 00:15

"Loads of grammar mistakes sorry typing In a hurry as cleaning again"

Spoken like a true martyr!

Sorry OP, but I don't see how it took you 4 and a half hours to clean up after a party?! When I have people round the place is pretty spotless to begin with, so all there is to do after is literally load/unload the dishwasher, empty rubbish, do a quick vacuum and wipe down the kitchen/bathrooms, takes me an hour in total tops. You must have had very messy guests!