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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party popper gate!

187 replies

menopause59 · 02/01/2020 10:49

I have had New year at my house for about 6 years, nothing massive just family and friends a few drinks and a bit of food.
We don't have a massive house 3 bed semi kitchen big so always end up in there.
Family member turns up two bags of party poppers they know i hate them as they make loads of mess and new years day clean up with a hangover is bad enough.
Anyway come 11.50 party poppers are handed out and i shout 'please let them off outside' but i'm totally ignored and people let about 4 off. I'm so bloody annoyed, and tell them all.
I say something along the lines of 'how disrespectful, i invite you into our home, no-one comes around help i only ask one thing and you can't do that' i think it was a bit more but i can't remember.

I was told i was being dramatic and spoiled I the atmosphere, and it all went a bit awkward.

Anyway as predicted no one came to help yesterday i was up at 7 cleaning and i'm absolutely shattered, but no one rung to check all ok as they usually do.

i actually feel guilty for spoiling the night, but think i was in my right to say something.

So was i being unreasonable to say something, or is it that my family really don't give a shit about me

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 02/01/2020 18:28

It was hardly going to be like NYC, when the ball dropped was it?

There’s sweating the small stuff and there’s this!

Yeahnah2020 · 02/01/2020 18:29

You sound extremely uptight . Yes YABU.

SmuggyMcKnobson · 02/01/2020 18:31

no one popped back to help you tidy up

Party popped back, surely [tcgrin]

JustASmallTownCurl · 02/01/2020 18:51

Oh dear you ruined the moment right at the nice cheery time everyone is laughing and enjoying each other's company.

It's been 12 hours since you started cleaning - have you managed to get the whole four party poppers cleaned up yet?

Can you see OP from the responses on this thread that YABVU on this one? Only sometimes people post on here and then don't actually want to get feedback just for people to agree with them.

Life is so much nicer when you don't sweat the really really really tiny small stuff!

Personally I'd be saying a bit of a sheepish sorry for spoiling the moment. Would they be surprised or do they know you are a bit highly strung about this kind of thing?

In all seriousness please don't get too wound up about this, it's healthy to recognise you've overreacted, take it on board and move on! Thanks

Original poster
menopause59 · 02/01/2020 18:54

Thank you for all your comments some of them have made me lol.
I started the clean at 7 (totally my choice) and I didn’t finish until 11.30, so I guess I must have really high standards or really messy guests.
There was about 30 of us, I did hot food and no dishwasher. the kids trashed one room so that didn’t help.
I think I will make a resolution to be more assertive and tell people what I’m thinking instead of letting it fester and then come out over something so petty.
Last thing I would always offer to help someone tidy up after a party and have been round and helped before and after loads of times I guess it’s just my way.
In my opinion if people aren’t going to help the host out they should respect there rules

OP posts:
Original poster
menopause59 · 02/01/2020 18:55

Loads of grammar mistakes sorry typing In a hurry as cleaning again

OP posts:
RavenLG · 02/01/2020 19:03

I started the clean at 7 (totally my choice) and I didn’t finish until 11.30, so I guess I must have really high standards or really messy guests.
Or you’re shite at cleaning. Or have a flare for the dramatics... which I’ll bet is the most likely answer judging by your posts.

Don’t host anymore parties, I’d never come back if you spoke to me like that for letting a party popper off. It’s your choice to have a party and being all martyr-ish about cleaning, making food and hosting is doing you no favours, yes it’s nice when people offer but I certainly wouldn’t expect people to leave a party and come back the next day to fucking clean. Offering to wash some cups and tidy up when there, yes ok but they’re my friends not paid help.

Original poster
menopause59 · 02/01/2020 19:09

But no-one did sod all on the night or bloody offered to do anything.
I’m not being dramatic it really took me that long to clean up the mess.
No need to be rude and I’m certainly not shite at cleaning

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 02/01/2020 19:17

They have cake to a party YOU invited them to. Why would they offer to do anything apart from top up a drink or pass around a plate?

QueSera · 02/01/2020 19:26

In a hurry as cleaning again
Hmm

I don't think you're taking any of the comments on board OP. That's your choice, but then why ask MN in the first place. Good luck.

Chuffit · 02/01/2020 19:29

I would have been tempted to sneak up on you and pop one right by your earhole OP, just to see your reaction.
But then I'm a twat like that.
It's just a few strings of paper. It clears up in no time.
You ruined the party by stropping.

SilverySurfer · 02/01/2020 19:43

It seems you're not going for the hostess with the mostest award this year and prefer a pity party to a NYE party. I would be finding somewhere else to go next year where I can pop a party popper and there will no expectation of me being up at 7am to clean the house the following morning..

Lavendersquare · 02/01/2020 19:52

I really can't see why you've got a massive downer on party poppers. We had a NYE bash this year for about 30 people and I gave everyone at least 5 each to let off at midnight I wanted to make sure that everyone enjoyed themselves. Yes there was mess and glasses to wash but in all honesty an hour or two of relatively slow cleaning sorted it all out down well after I got up at 10:40. The idea of hosting is to ensure that people feel comfortable, enjoy themselves and want to come again. All my guests have reserved places for NYE 2020 I bet your guests won't be falling over themselves to come back.

PaperbackBlighter · 02/01/2020 19:57

You sound like an utterly miserable martyr.

FeigningHorror · 02/01/2020 22:31

Why on earth are you cleaning again, OP? Did a disgruntled friend sneak back in and surreptitiously let off the rest of the party poppers?

TrickyKid · 02/01/2020 22:34

Cleaning them up outside would be more difficult surely? Party poppers are pretty shit but it's just a bit of paper to pick up.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/01/2020 17:32

Wow! You gave your guests a proper bollocking at 10 to midnight on NYE because they had party poppers at a party! I’m gobsmacked, it’s hardly silly string, it’s a few thin strands of tissue paper.
If you host a party you will have mess the next day - party poppers wouldn’t make hardly any difference at all.
I’m sure you’ll have a party popper free NYE next year as nobody will want to come.
YABU.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/01/2020 17:35

menopause59

But no-one did sod all on the night or bloody offered to do anything

You expected your guests to start cleaning at the party? If you don’t find the party mess worth the fun - then don’t host.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 03/01/2020 18:01

Don’t invite the party popper perpetrator next year. Hate entitled, ill mannered guests BUT a hoover round picks up all the string at least it’s not that silly string stuff that sticks to everything AND please don’t tell people to litter by using those things outsideXmas Hmm

Gilld69 · 03/01/2020 18:15

my SIL set them off in my living room after being told not too, we dont get on, i just ignored it as think he was waiting for me to react, but the rest were in the front garden nightmare to clean up but done now and son in law cant say i spoiled the night but they should of respected your home

noodle71 · 03/01/2020 18:16

NYE poppers? I thought this thread sounded just a bit more interesting than the usual festive mumsnet bustups. Alas not 🙄

Josette77 · 03/01/2020 18:16

I host 20-40 people every year for Christmas. I would not dream of having anyone help me clean up beyond my dh. Use paper plates and cut down on dishes. It should not take you 4.5 hours to clean up, unless you are very inefficient. If you don't like hosting don't do it. A stressed out host is not helpful to anyone.

Medicaltextbook · 03/01/2020 18:36

Op
Yanbu to have been annoyed, but you sound like a martyr. I think you were very unreasonable to shout at your guests. Could have been say 40 poppers max if you hadn’t intervened. Is that really worth spoiling New Year celebration?

You wouldn’t have been unreasonable to ring the twat that brought them at 7am to ask him to come round and help.

If you’d like help to tidy up next day ask beforehand, but that’s what hosts do. only expect it afternoon. Better still give up hosting.

FelicisNox · 03/01/2020 18:41

I'm torn: on the one hand I agree with the your house, your rules policy BUT:

  1. it was NYE, surely you could bend the rules for one night: you spoiled everyone else's night for something relatively minor and that's not ok. You made everyone feel like 💩 and totally ruined the pivotal moment of NYE just because you can't get your menopause/OCD in check.

  2. NEVER let party poppers off outside: the only reason you want to let them off outside is so you don't have to clean up and that makes you a litter bug.

  3. party poppers are not remotely difficult to clean up and if you had provided a bowl everyone could have put the plastic cobs in that and all you would have to do is get the hoover out which you're doing anyway.

  4. The person concerned should not have brought them and you should have confiscated them on sight so you're both in the wrong.

Bottom line: you ruined the night,
made it awkward for those that didn't know the no popper rule, upset everyone with your over dramatic and frankly rude behaviour and now you're hurt because no one called you. What exactly were you expecting?

A wise person once said: just because you're outraged doesn't mean you're right. I would like to add it also doesn't make your own behaviour justifiable.

My response may seem over the top but I've had it with selfish people who lack self awareness, who complain about others but are totally oblivious to their own crappy behaviour. It's time to grow up, your happiness is not the be all and end all so apologies to your friends or they may not be your friends for much longer: do you not think there are things about you that aren't great but they overlook?

Custardtarte · 03/01/2020 19:07

@menopause59. All your replies have skirted the real issue, which is that you think it’s okay to let them off outside. It really isn’t