Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cards against humanity - angry friend

418 replies

CareBear50 · 01/01/2020 22:20

Last night we had a bit of a get together with v close friends and family. There were about 5 or 6 of us. I had been given Cards Against Humanity for Christmas and decided to play a game of it.

I explained the premise of the game to everyone and explained how it worked. I said some might find it offensive (and gave some harsh examples) but just wanted to make sure everyone was ok about it before we played as I knew some people might not like it. I explained if they were uncomfortable it was perfectly fine to say no. No one objected.

Everyone played the game.

Anyway - I called in to my friends house earlier to say hi and he had a go at me four times, complaining that the game was not ok. On four separate occasions I told him that I had given him the opportunity to opt out, along with everyone else, and if he didn't want to play that was fine. In the end I told him you have no right to complain after the fact, if you say nothing when we were playing it or before we started, as I am not a mind-reader and in such a small group you could easily have aired your concerns.

This person is normally quite vocal and no shrinking violet.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Aveisenim · 02/01/2020 01:36

It's cards against humanity... if you're worried about being offended, don't play the game. I can be quite taken aback sometimes by some of the plays that are made, but it doesn't stop me enjoying the game, and I certainly don't bitch about it after the fact! I've been playing it for years, it's loads of fun!

QuiteForgetful · 02/01/2020 01:56

Hard to say, maybe he is must in a very bad mood today?

RoseGoldEagle · 02/01/2020 02:40

This article sums up why I hate CAH. It’s not just the game itself but more the fact people think they’re being oh so edgy and hilarious. The fact Madeleine’s name is in there makes me feel sick. Imagine that was your child’s name. And people around the country were sniggering over their prosecco and slapping each other on the back over a hilarious joke (that isn’t even original) using her name, crying with laughter and congratulating themselves on how non politically correct they are. Urgh. If feeling that way makes me a snowflake, then so be it.

RoseGoldEagle · 02/01/2020 02:42

To be fair to you OP, since you didn’t actually ask for an opinion of the game, I agree with you that your friend is being unreasonable, he could have excused himself from the game. Or if he hadn’t realised until mid way through what it was like, he could have said today ‘ I wasn’t really that comfortable with that game’ just so you knew for next time, he didn’t have go on about it quite as much.

theflushedzebra · 02/01/2020 02:48

goodwinter - I've read stuff about the good deeds of the CAH creators before - must say, they've created an offensive game, that has everyone clutching their pearls - but do some really good stuff.

Makes a change from - ahem - just about every other company - pretending to be really great - but doing really horrific stuff....

xJodiex · 02/01/2020 02:50

It may have triggered him for some reason. I'd have asked why he was so upset but also told him he was out of order the way he had a go at you. If he was triggered at the time it would have been near impossible to admit it in a group of people. He maybe also wanted to refuse to play but felt put in a position.

It's not really funny, I've looked at a lot of the cards, there's pedophilia, incest and many other disgusting topics on them. It's not a 'game' in my opinion. And I do wonder why the McCann's have not sued for their missing/dead daughter being in the 'game'.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 02/01/2020 02:52

It's just a really boring game, I don't understand why it is so popular.

Creepster · 02/01/2020 03:33

His feelings are not your fault or your responsibility.
The fact that he thinks he is entitled to blame you for his feelings is a big red flag.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 02/01/2020 07:39

God, there are some wet lettuces out there.

This is way people dont like the admit to not wanting to play it.

SimonJT · 02/01/2020 07:51

He shouldn’t have reacted the way he did.

But anyone who finds rape, peadophilia or abduction funny needs to take a serious look at their own morals.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 02/01/2020 07:52

I'd never heard of it. Just Googled it. Who on earth thinks that's funny?! I think you put him in a difficult position - he may not have known the game, and if he did he may have felt uncomfortable having to announce he didn't want to play in front of a group of his friends.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/01/2020 08:02

I would think he's upset to discover what his 'friends' are really like. It's difficult to back out of things like this at the time, he might have been trying to be fair and giving it a go, and he's probably been going over it in his head overnight. I don't think I'd want to be friends with anyone who thought it was funny.

Areyoufree · 02/01/2020 08:03

You've got to be really sure that people are okay with that game. He wasn't, and let you know about it later. Actually, I think he was being reasonable in not doing it in front of everyone and ruining the evening. I would just let it go.

howdisappointing · 02/01/2020 08:07

YABVVVU for thinking that CAH is in any way entertaining. Bores the shit out of me!

Sayhellotothethings · 02/01/2020 08:10

Yanbu, he has a voice and could have said he didn't want to play. Pre-children, friends would ask us to play the never have I ever drinking game and I always said no because I don't like it. No reason he couldn't have said no.

LadyCordeliaVorkosigan · 02/01/2020 08:14

The original game is called Apples to Apples and isnt offensive at all - it's all about coming up with oddly appropriate combinations of cards and justifying surreal links.
I think CAH paid them money to be able to use the identical game mechanic. CAH can be excellent black humour, if everyone is wincing similarly while acknowledging a nasty truth, but just needs one player laughing at rather than in sympathy with a painful situation to ruin it all round. Thing is, as a way to suss out new friends, it's excellent. Better to find out that your new bloke thinks 'accidental' anal sex or slapping a partner is a good definition of 'trivial mishap' from playing a game rather than discovering it for real.

I wonder if OP's mate and his partner had an argument after the game?

EvaHarknessRose · 02/01/2020 08:15

It's like hosting a fancy dress party with the theme of 'most offensive' - people are likely to get offended. I get this game has gone mainstream but it is deliberately offensive. I guess some people find that liberating. Others find it disturbing.

MakeItRain · 02/01/2020 08:17

You can't really pull out a game marketed as a game for horrible people/ likely to cause offence and then be upset when shock, horror it does actually cause offence to someone you know.

I've never played the game but googled it, and I just don't understand the "humour" in creating sickeningly offensive sentences about eg Jewish people/disabled people etc

Sounds like your friend felt the same. I can empathise with his reaction. Some of the content of this game is revolting. It's surely not a shock that some people are going to react like this. He found your game offensive in the same way that you found his reaction to it offensive. At least if you're going to play this game, accept that some people are going to react strongly to it. You can't laugh at how un-PC and offensive the statements are then get all offended by someone telling you they don't like it.

lowlandLucky · 02/01/2020 08:18

I have never heard of it. Off to google it

Brefugee · 02/01/2020 08:24

The whole point of the game is to question why some things are ok to joke about and some not.

We play it with our (grown up) DC and every now and then we swap out cards - you don't have to say why and we don't show the cards, so it could be you think they're useless or it could be because they're too near the mark.

Our DC love to put down cards that we find it uncomfortable to read, and sometimes we have to explain things to them. (or they call us from friends houses and ask us to explain via loudspeaker what something is). It's hilarious. Better with a couple of drinks, and much better if you know everyone really well.

But as with most games: it's horses for courses.

lowlandLucky · 02/01/2020 08:25

People play that with their children ?

TryingToBeBold · 02/01/2020 08:28

@StylishMummy

You forgot the Jimmy Saville card

@CareBear50 YANBU. He could have spoke up. You described yourself as being very close friends (the group). So he could have felt comfortable enough to say something.

I love the game. Have played it with so many people... and realised how many people I'm close to have a darker sense of humour than you realise Grin

Trampagne · 02/01/2020 08:42

Christ, you should have heard some of the jokes when I worked for the emergency services! Makes Cards Against Humanity look like UNO

Quite.

I play it CAH with my teenagers, and it's very, very funny. There's a degree of self-regulation with some of the cards - we are all capable of judging which ones are better not used in whatever the given context might be.

I did draw the line at playing it with Granny and Grandpa, though.

DowntownAbby · 02/01/2020 08:47

I'm surprised at people here thinking that only those who find, for example, 'anal rape' funny would play the game.

The very point of the game is that no one finds the statements funny. If they did there'd be no point playing the game because the hilarity is in the discomfort people feel in putting down cards which offend and embarrass them when everyone sees what they've chosen.

There'd be absolutely no point to the game being played by people who really didn't give a shit about the subjects.