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Original poster

Cards against humanity - angry friend

418 replies

CareBear50 · 01/01/2020 22:20

Last night we had a bit of a get together with v close friends and family. There were about 5 or 6 of us. I had been given Cards Against Humanity for Christmas and decided to play a game of it.

I explained the premise of the game to everyone and explained how it worked. I said some might find it offensive (and gave some harsh examples) but just wanted to make sure everyone was ok about it before we played as I knew some people might not like it. I explained if they were uncomfortable it was perfectly fine to say no. No one objected.

Everyone played the game.

Anyway - I called in to my friends house earlier to say hi and he had a go at me four times, complaining that the game was not ok. On four separate occasions I told him that I had given him the opportunity to opt out, along with everyone else, and if he didn't want to play that was fine. In the end I told him you have no right to complain after the fact, if you say nothing when we were playing it or before we started, as I am not a mind-reader and in such a small group you could easily have aired your concerns.

This person is normally quite vocal and no shrinking violet.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
U2HasTheEdge · 02/01/2020 08:49

My children took it to my inlaws house at Xmas (teen/young adult children). I couldn't believe my inlaws played the game, let alone enjoyed it. I played it on NYE with friends. It is much better when you are drunk.

Shinnoo · 02/01/2020 08:51

I think CAH is totally offensive, cringingly inappropriate and would have felt exactly the same as your friend. Anyone posting on here who hasn't played it has no idea how shocking and embarrassing some of the cards are, and can be mortifying when playing in a group you aren't completely familiar with.

BeyondMyWits · 02/01/2020 08:52

I didn't know what it was, started playing once, left once I saw the cards.

I was called all the "bullyish" names under the sun - party pooper, snowflake, stuck up bitch... by a couple of drunken idiots.

Lets you know who your friends are... lets your other more supportive friends know how their friends think too...

I have a thick skin, so could take the comments, (and the loss of a couple of friends!) others might not feel so comfortable spoiling the party.

Skyejuly · 02/01/2020 08:52

We played this in rome but luckily we all just had an understanding of each other that we all understood and it was hilarious

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 02/01/2020 08:53

I'm with your friend and you sound unnecessarily defensive about it.

I've never played it, would never buy it and think it's a disgrace. I've looked at it before when thinking about presents for DSs and discounted it because it's vile.

If you think it's fine for make jokes about the vile things in the deck then crack on. Thinking it's vile doesn't make me a "wet lettuce". Those articles linked to are spot on.

Your friend didn't make a fuss on the night and ruin it, he complained in private and, having played it, clearly feels very strongly about it.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 02/01/2020 08:55

The very point of the game is that no one finds the statements funny.

That is clearly not true.

20viona · 02/01/2020 08:56

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! Everyone knows that if you're easily offended it's not the game for you. You gave examples and gave the opportunity not to play which is more than enough. He's a knob.

BlouseAndSkirt · 02/01/2020 09:02

I said some might find it offensive (and gave some harsh examples) but just wanted to make sure everyone was ok about it before we played as I knew some people might not like it

I don’t understand why you wanted to introduce this game in a gathering where you knew some would find it offensive.

Or why you would invite people and then set up a game giving some the choice of opting out, aka being excluded, while the other guests have a raucous time laughing at how risqué they all are..,,

The fact that you edited a card to suit your particular ‘taste’ judgment shoes that everyone has different sensitive spots.

chomalungma · 02/01/2020 09:09

Everyone knows that if you're easily offended it's not the game for you

I hate that term "easily offended". It's a way of dismissing people's views on a subject - something that may be incredibly personal to them as 'being easily offended'.

Oh - and offence is given. Despite that stupid Stephen Fry quote.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 02/01/2020 09:10

I thought about buying this for DH but decided against it. Having read the Daily Dot article linked above, I'm glad I did. I love edgy comedy, but only when it's actually witty. It looks like this game was invented by a group of privileged white men who think jokes about black people, disabled people, rape, child abuse etc are automatically funny.

To all those who have been 'in stitches' playing this game - it might help us snowflakes to understand better if you all post the most offensive card pairings you ended up with?

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 02/01/2020 09:12

It looks like this game was invented by a group of privileged white men who think jokes about black people, disabled people, rape, child abuse etc are automatically funny.

Yes. That's what I took from that article. I disliked it before and that has just cemented my views on it.

MopsRUs · 02/01/2020 09:15

'Jokes' about rape, abuse and abortion? Sounds like a pretty misogynistic 'game', written by the type of men who think women (and words, children) are there to be trivialised and put down. Are there any equivalent demeaning 'jokes' about men?

chomalungma · 02/01/2020 09:15

looks like this game was invented by a group of privileged white men who think jokes about black people, disabled people, rape, child abuse etc are automatically funny

I suspect that if jokes were made about the people and the type of people who like it, then many of them may get upset as well. People like that are very quick to dimiss other people's feelings and call others 'snowflakes' - but they can be just as upset when they are the target.

gingersausage · 02/01/2020 09:16

I don’t see what anyone on here’s opinion of it has got to do with how the OP’s friend acted though. The amount of pearl clutching wet lettuces and/or I’m-so-edgy cool girls doesn’t negate the fact that the friend was a twat.

Plus, the faux-naive “gosh I’ve never heard of it” 🤣 is ridiculous. How can any adult with access to the internet have never heard of CAH, or have the ability to google it?! I wonder if some people here live on another planet.

Stefoscope · 02/01/2020 09:16

It's nice that the creators of CAH think to give back to the Chinese workers who manufacture the game. Such a shame they don't want to deal with small businesses in the UK to sell their game and primarily distribute via Amazon (who aren't exactly known for being an ethical company).

chomalungma · 02/01/2020 09:19

I explained the premise of the game to everyone and explained how it worked. I said some might find it offensive (and gave some harsh examples) but just wanted to make sure everyone was ok about it before we played as I knew some people might not like it. I explained if they were uncomfortable it was perfectly fine to say no. No one objected

on’t see what anyone on here’s opinion of it has got to do with how the OP’s friend acted though. The amount of pearl clutching wet lettuces and/or I’m-so-edgy cool girls doesn’t negate the fact that the friend was a twat

Peer pressure. Can even happen as adults. Not wanting to make a scene,.

Surely not difficult to understand - people don't want to be the party pooper etc.

It takes guts to say "No, this is not ok".

MopsRUs · 02/01/2020 09:20

I hadn't heard of it before. It isn't 'faux naive' to have different interests to you.

NewYearNewWho · 02/01/2020 09:21

I simply don’t get what makes it funny. I worked in CID for a long time and developed a very dark and black sense of gallows humour, but it’s simply a box of statements contrived to be highly offensive. We were so disappointed when we played it as we really wanted to love it, but ended up being very ‘meh’ as it just seemed extremely unimaginative.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 02/01/2020 09:21

Quote from the NY Times article that says it better than I just did:

Cards Against Humanity isn’t really transgressive at all. It is a game of naughty giggling for people who think the phrase “black people” is inherently funny.

WeirdCatLady · 02/01/2020 09:25

CAH is brilliant, it’s a firm favourite in our house. But none of us are easily-offended snowflakes though!

phoenixrosehere · 02/01/2020 09:26

YANBU.

You warned beforehand, gave examples, and he waits until the NEXT DAY to say he didn’t like the game.

He had every opportunity to step out of it. If you are truly friends, he should have spoken up the moment he became uncomfortable and opted out. He could have said “yeah, you weren’t kidding about this game, I’m going to sit this out.” and hung out from the sidelines. He is a supposedly vocal person but couldn’t speak up amongst his supposed friends yet was happy to chew you out about it.

I wonder if he was actually shocked about his own views and of those of his friends and decided to take it out on you.

BlouseAndSkirt · 02/01/2020 09:27

Having looked at the top 20
Hilarious card combinations there is certainly a theme.... racism and child abuse.

I cannot honestly imagine sitting down in a family group and laughing repeatedly about black people / Ebola / ethnic cleansing/ a black male in a hoodie/ brown people / and on and in it goes.

Tons of cards designed to produce child abuse combos. You have no idea who has this in their background.

Not a game to introduce in a mixed gathering when you already know some won’t like it.

forkfun · 02/01/2020 09:28

His reaction sounds extreme but I have to say that I don't like CAH at all. I had heard of it from several people and am not easily offended. A friend who was raving about it brought it along for a get together of our diverse group of friends (including Jewish person, Lesbian, two rape survivors, an ethnic minority, an immigrant and someone who's very close relative killed himself). We are tight-knit, have known each other for ages and gallows humour has helped us a lot over the years.
Anyway, we played a few rounds, it wasn't really funny, felt slightly awkward and the game was put away. However, this happened because the whole group felt like this.
Friend who brought the game along said she had previously played with an exclusively white group of men and women. Somehow it wasn't so funny playing with a group of all woman whose identities and experiences were the butt of the joke.

gingersausage · 02/01/2020 09:29

@MopsRUs, it’s not one of my “interests”, I can’t think of anything worse. You’d have to live under a rock though to be unaware of it.

Brefugee · 02/01/2020 09:30

Such a shame they don't want to deal with small businesses in the UK to sell their game and primarily distribute via Amazon

they sell it direct from their website. IIRC you can actually download at least some of it for free and make a donation in the amount of your choosing to pay for it if you want. I've never seen it in a shop and when i wanted to buy it, Amazon was unfortunately the easiest way to get it. I'm looking for the For Her expansion pack and if i can get it anywhere but Amazon i will. (they made donations to women's groups with the proceeds of that one)

The game is supposed to provoke. And it's done that here, hasn't it? Job done.

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