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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cards against humanity - angry friend

418 replies

CareBear50 · 01/01/2020 22:20

Last night we had a bit of a get together with v close friends and family. There were about 5 or 6 of us. I had been given Cards Against Humanity for Christmas and decided to play a game of it.

I explained the premise of the game to everyone and explained how it worked. I said some might find it offensive (and gave some harsh examples) but just wanted to make sure everyone was ok about it before we played as I knew some people might not like it. I explained if they were uncomfortable it was perfectly fine to say no. No one objected.

Everyone played the game.

Anyway - I called in to my friends house earlier to say hi and he had a go at me four times, complaining that the game was not ok. On four separate occasions I told him that I had given him the opportunity to opt out, along with everyone else, and if he didn't want to play that was fine. In the end I told him you have no right to complain after the fact, if you say nothing when we were playing it or before we started, as I am not a mind-reader and in such a small group you could easily have aired your concerns.

This person is normally quite vocal and no shrinking violet.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ConfusedAndStressed95 · 01/01/2020 23:20

Superfight is a good, only offensive if you make it offensive game that works on the same premise. I'd recommend that or We didn't play test this at all as alternatives next time he's round.

AutumnRose1 · 01/01/2020 23:21

Also maybe some stuff came out about his friends

The McCann one sounds like the least worst of it tbh!

Original poster
CareBear50 · 01/01/2020 23:22

** Maybe some people can't tell in advance whether something will trigger them or not? Maybe something came up that was unexpected, and triggered something?
Cut him some slack, there might be a good reason for him not using his crystal ball that night.

I totally get that it might have raised issues for him. However...if he'd said....I really didn't like that game - I found it horrible and upsetting .. Not your fault though care Bear as I said nothing at the time......

Then that would be okay. But, he didn't do that - he just continued to have a dig at me.

OP posts:
misspiggy19 · 01/01/2020 23:25

@Junie70

We played this with my mum and stepdad... both in their 70s. They were both crying with laughter

^Yeah hilarious. Just because someone doesn’t like the game doesn’t make them a snowflake.

userlotsanumbers · 01/01/2020 23:25

I don't think that you can expect a calm and measured response from someone who may have rediscovered past trauma?

Obsidian77 · 01/01/2020 23:29

It's not always easy to raise issues at the time and if you haven't played the game before it's hard to anticipate what you might find upsetting or offensive.
If he's so upset that he had a go at you about it 4 times the next day, then something there has really upset.
Tbh you sound like a shit friend, caring more about some stupid game than the fact your friend is clearly upset.

Ishotmrburns · 01/01/2020 23:29

I'm surprised thay you had to explain Cards Against Humanity to a bunch of adults. It's been around for donkeys years now and is quite popular.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 01/01/2020 23:31

@pointythings

Me. I plan the games. i usually fit them to the group too. But thats because i have a fairly extensive games collection.

CAH is one you'd only pull out if all the group are actively asking to play it. I find it really funny watching it played online but i would completely hate to play it in person. I hate to be put in the position of admitting that.

Theyre are better "safe" options.

PanicAndRun · 01/01/2020 23:31

Did he lose and is he a poor loser?Grin

I'm a bit on the fence with this one, there are very few people I would comfortably play CAH with. There are many more(half od MN for example) with whom I wouldn't risk it regardless of how much I explained the premise of the game and how much they said it would be ok. It's a very "know" your audience game.

Did he play to the full? Laughed, tried to get worst answers and as many points as possible etc?

If yes, he's got the Fear now. Same as with beer , but about how fucked up he actually is.Grin

If no and he just went along to get it done with, a bit more sympathy for him, but saying once it was not ok and he felt uncomfortable was enough.

I bet he kept repeating himself because of the apology that never came and he expected. You were womaning wrong today . Grin

Stefoscope · 01/01/2020 23:33

@Babyroobs I personally find the card about coat hanger abortions quite upsetting after being raped, finding out I was pregnant then trying to take a concoction of pills to end the pregnancy and my life and ending up quite ill. Had that particular card not been in the game I may have found it funny/entertaining. However, I can't imagine directing my ire towards a host of the game though, surely the creators of the game could have come up with better edgey and less offensive subversive humour?

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 01/01/2020 23:33

Please explain the game, never heard of it

Original poster
CareBear50 · 01/01/2020 23:35

@Obsidian77
@userlotsanumbers

I didn't get the impression at all that anything was triggered. Willing to be proved wrong though.

I got the impression they just didn't like the game, but I could be wrong.

I'm not a "shit friend" by the way..... That is quite a presumptuous statement. I'm still trying to process myself what happened and am confused by the situation myself.

I'm going to leave things for a couple of days and see how things are with my mate.

OP posts:
Icanflyhigh · 01/01/2020 23:36

I have very much gallows humour and will find something funny in the darkest and vilest of situations. 8ts a survival thing.
I love the game and always end up laughing a LOT when we play. I do however choose who I play with wisely. It's not a game for snowflakes, in any way shape or form.
Removing the Madeleine McCann card is unreasonable as that answer trumps any other.
I told you I had gallows humour.

StCharlotte · 01/01/2020 23:37

CAH is weird. I think I've got a cracking sense of humour and it's almost impossible to offend me - but every time I've played it the cards just haven't worked out and I haven't laughed once.

Anyway your mate's a dick.

Excited101 · 01/01/2020 23:38

You have to just embrace CAH for what it is, then it’s great fun. He was being ridiculous

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 01/01/2020 23:40

I thought this was a thread about Christmas charity cards ..

userlotsanumbers · 01/01/2020 23:41

He sounds in distress though, doesn't he? I doubt that he could share - you may have just proven yourself to be 'not a safe space'. I hope the friendship recovers.
Personally, I think CAH is vile. If you've got a woodburner, it will provide a few minutes of flame.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 01/01/2020 23:41

Thing is you dont play CAH with people you wouldn't happily offend.

And as i tend to like people i play games with, id rather not risk offending them.

StylishMummy · 01/01/2020 23:43

@CoffeeCoffeeTea - Cards Against Humanity is having a selection of cards and someone chooses a 'start', you then pick one of your cards to make something funny/outrageous and the person who played the starter chooses their favourite answer. There are hardcore cards which are extreme such as;

TRIGGER WARNING

Anal rape
Beastiality
Abortion with a coat hanger
Madeline McCann
Incest
Necrophilia

StillCoughingandLaughing · 01/01/2020 23:46

He sounds in distress though, doesn't he? I doubt that he could share - you may have just proven yourself to be 'not a safe space'. I hope the friendship recovers.

I want to be violently sick.

theflushedzebra · 01/01/2020 23:48

CoffeeCoffeeTEa - this YT video has people playing it online.

This comes with a MASSIVE trigger warning - it gives a good idea of the game, but does have the some of the potentially triggering cards already mentioned on this thread. Don't watch if easily offended.

The players struggle with just how offensive it is, but the meaning of the game is to be offensive.

MulticolourMophead · 01/01/2020 23:52

This game is definitely a "know your audience" game. Played it tonight with DD, DS, Dad and DBro. It's been fun to play over the last few months.

ineedaholidaynow · 01/01/2020 23:57

I have never played that game, but understood it was for adults, but that is all I knew about it. From StylishMummy’s description I would hate it and feel really uncomfortable playing it. So there are people out there who don’t know the full details of the game, so possibly he didn’t realise what he was playing and then felt uncomfortable to be able to drop out.

As some PP have said I would also probably have to go in another room. I certainly don’t have a gallows sense of humour.

Dipsydoodle · 01/01/2020 23:59

I bloody love CAH. We played it at Christmas and we were all in stitches.

If he didn't want to play he could just have said 'I'll sit this one out'. I've done that before, not about CAH but games where I really cba playing or don't really enjoy. To be still going on about is a bit silly.

OytheBumbler · 02/01/2020 00:01

I hate the way the game makes people feel so superior and 'edgy' if other people are offended.

I've played the game and quietly removed the worst cards from my hand. Not because I'm offended by the card but by the 'naughtiness' of laughing by other players. It's so 'ooh aren't we awful?' to find this funny.

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