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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to end this via text?

188 replies

Conflicted1212 · 01/01/2020 21:21

Been seeing a guy for nearly 5 months. He is really busy, childcare and we live 30 mins drive. I work long hours and active social life. We try to see each other 1/2 times a week, staying over. Our means of communication is via daily texts. Lately he has been difficult to pin down to meet and very delayed In answering texts, even when has been online.

Since mid December he has said he was busy, trying to finish work things (has 2 jobs) and Xmas events. We both had family down for a week over Xmas, so no time. Last time I saw him was 27th December.

We tried to make NYE plans and they didn’t work out as he wasn’t sure in childcare - it was his normal day - but wasn’t sure if his teenager has plans. So my friend asked if she could come and stay, which I said yes. He ended up making plans with his friends, even though we were 10 mins down the road. I invited him to pop round today as he was close. Read the text but no answer.

Also today as my friend was messing about on bumble, his profile appeared. We had a chat in October when he said His profile wasn’t active and he wanted to see what develops, but take it slow. He said he had been hurt in the past and liked our dynamic. Couldn’t be 100 % committed as his teenager and work were priority. Pressed on this and he said seeing each other all the time and moulding lives, just wanted it to develop organically. That’s fine, I am wanting to remain independent and maintain our lives. Taking it slow is fine.

However, I feel I am being slow faded. The activation of his bumble account and ignoring texts, not good signs. So I would rather end it, as he is obviously not mature to do this. Do I do it over text? Or face to face - I like to gauge reactions. It’s just when we will meet?

I am sad as I liked him, but rather leave respectfully than being cheated on or replaced. What do I do?

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 02/01/2020 16:55

I don't think there was any point in a phone call but I can see how it's all left you feeling low. It is his loss if he just wasn't willing to make time for you.Flowers

jamdhanihash · 02/01/2020 16:58

Sorry Thanks. Better to know where you stand though

NumbersStation · 02/01/2020 17:01

I’m confused. He said he was busy but would phone later and you sent him the text saying it wasn’t working shortly thereafter? And then he agreed but didn’t want to talk now?

I mean this in the nicest way OP but you are coming over a bit intense.

You’ve done the right thing in ending it but it sounds as though neither of you need a relationship right now.

Marlena1 · 02/01/2020 17:01

Sorry OP, breakups are always hard but you want someone who will priorise you. Dust yourself on and start again. My 80 year old dad always says "the arse of one is the face of another"

DippingToes · 02/01/2020 17:14

Well done, OP. Be good to yourself Thanks

Brimful · 02/01/2020 17:33

You have your dignity OP, you handled it well, you'll be SO glad you ended it, be kind to yourself while you heal. It's never nice when you care more than they did Flowers

Original poster
Conflicted1212 · 02/01/2020 17:47

I feel fine actually. Bit sad but lies relief, but it’s best. Glad he admitted he didn’t have time and it wasn’t me. Asked about bumble and he said it was an old profile. Not believing that, but not worth the argument. He is popping my stuff by during the week.

Thanks all for the support. Live and learn that if you feel insecure, it’s not right

OP posts:
ilikemethewayiam · 02/01/2020 19:39

Well done OP, you deserve better! Onwards and upwards. Get back out there and just have fun.

Hahaha88 · 02/01/2020 21:57

And you still had to say about bumble 🤦🤦🤦

Hahaha88 · 02/01/2020 21:57

That aside, well done

ferntwist · 02/01/2020 22:01

Well done OP. New Year, new start. He wasn’t worth any more of your time. Can he leave your stuff in the garage or post through the letterbox so you don’t have to see him?

Original poster
Conflicted1212 · 02/01/2020 22:07

I had to say about bumble. I rejoined snd he appeared again. Just got annoyed he said he was too busy, but back on. Rehearsed answer. I dint mind seeing him. Now been chatting to a guy who has similar interests and liked eating out. Fingers crossed he is nice.

OP posts:
ferntwist · 02/01/2020 22:23

So many more bees in that hive!

TheMustressMhor · 02/01/2020 22:23

He said agreed, he hadn’t lost interest, but got too busy and needed to prioritise

Huh.

Translated, that means he definitely did lose interest.

What a cunt, eh?

I bet you're glad to be rid of him now. Fancy telling you that as he had to prioritise, you weren't even on the list of possibilities.

mokapot · 03/01/2020 05:32

Wtf is bumble? Off to google

MolnMal · 03/01/2020 05:54

Don’t mention the bumble thing as he will make an excuse and you’ll feel frustrated that you can’t prove he’s lying.

You know in your heart it’s not working and he’s not putting effort in. It would have been kinder for him to end it if his heart wasn’t in it than a slow withdrawing from you.

Take matters into your own hands and end it by text. As for jet washing your patio - you can do it you don’t need him. I did this a few years ago after a breakup, while wearing his designer clothes he had left behind (they got ruined) and drawing with the spray gun unflattering cartoons of him as I went Grin.

Good luck and I’m sure you’ll meet someone more deserving of you this year.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/01/2020 06:51

5 month long relationship ended and you took about 3 hours to start being interested in someone else? I'd say you checked out a long time ago too...

Strongmummy · 03/01/2020 06:58

@GiveHerHellFromUs oh come on!!!! The OP is feeling sad and needs an ego boost. Having a flirty chat with someone is making her feel better.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/01/2020 07:22

@Strongmummy she's not having a flirty chat, shes looking for her next boyfriend Now been chatting to a guy who has similar interests and liked eating out. Fingers crossed he is nice.

I'm not judging her, just think it's all a bit over dramatic if she wasn't bothered about him anyway

2020maddog · 03/01/2020 07:27

I did mean breaking up face to face. I want to see his face

I really do want to mention bumble, cause that’s the source of upset.

I get we are not compatible, and been feeling it a while. If I am honest it’s not been right for ages

but he makes me insecure whenever dint see each other. Makes me feel needy

Actions always speak louder than words. Of course he's happy with the current set-up. Minimal input, on his side, and maximum return. He knows that he can carry on in an 'open' relationship, and when he wants his needs met, contact you.

If he was into you, he would be trying his hardest to be there, to impress you, to spend time with you. Not going AWOL and bumbling.

Patienceisvirtuous · 03/01/2020 07:47

Best wishes for the future OP.

TeddybearBaby · 03/01/2020 07:59

@GiveHerHellFromUs she was bothered about him, why do you think she wasn’t? She said ‘I know I’m making excuses I’m just sad to see it end’. You sound very judgy to me.

Not sure what’s wrong with wanting to be in a relationship either, so what if she’s lookBig for a boyfriend!

Op, there’s a relationship guru called Matthew Hussey. He’s also known as ‘get the guy’. He talks a lot of sense, look him up. He’s on Facebook and Instagram. I really enjoy a video he put up about rejection once. I’m attaching it in case you’re interested m.youtube.com/watch?v=w8JopEnIuEQ

Good luck!

Strongmummy · 03/01/2020 08:13

@GiveHerHellFromUs it was a 5 month relationship only! Not 5 years. She was feeling rejected. Neither of us know how strongly she felt for him. However, the OP isn’t the only person to give herself a self esteem boost by getting back out there!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/01/2020 08:59

😂😂😂 amazing.

People introduce their OH's to their kids after 5 months and you think it's normal but to be chatting to a new guy after 3 hours Of breaking up, looking for a new relationship.

OPs entitled to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants whenever she wants. She definitely wouldn't be doing that if she had strong feelings about the ex though. That's all I'm saying.

OP I actually wish you all the best and I hope this new guy does turn out to be great because you deserve it after 5 months waiting around for that idiot.

TeddybearBaby · 03/01/2020 09:10

It cracks me up the assumptions people make based on how they’d feel in a situation. Everyone is different and everyone handles things differently 🙄