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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to end this via text?

188 replies

Conflicted1212 · 01/01/2020 21:21

Been seeing a guy for nearly 5 months. He is really busy, childcare and we live 30 mins drive. I work long hours and active social life. We try to see each other 1/2 times a week, staying over. Our means of communication is via daily texts. Lately he has been difficult to pin down to meet and very delayed In answering texts, even when has been online.

Since mid December he has said he was busy, trying to finish work things (has 2 jobs) and Xmas events. We both had family down for a week over Xmas, so no time. Last time I saw him was 27th December.

We tried to make NYE plans and they didn’t work out as he wasn’t sure in childcare - it was his normal day - but wasn’t sure if his teenager has plans. So my friend asked if she could come and stay, which I said yes. He ended up making plans with his friends, even though we were 10 mins down the road. I invited him to pop round today as he was close. Read the text but no answer.

Also today as my friend was messing about on bumble, his profile appeared. We had a chat in October when he said His profile wasn’t active and he wanted to see what develops, but take it slow. He said he had been hurt in the past and liked our dynamic. Couldn’t be 100 % committed as his teenager and work were priority. Pressed on this and he said seeing each other all the time and moulding lives, just wanted it to develop organically. That’s fine, I am wanting to remain independent and maintain our lives. Taking it slow is fine.

However, I feel I am being slow faded. The activation of his bumble account and ignoring texts, not good signs. So I would rather end it, as he is obviously not mature to do this. Do I do it over text? Or face to face - I like to gauge reactions. It’s just when we will meet?

I am sad as I liked him, but rather leave respectfully than being cheated on or replaced. What do I do?

OP posts:
Dontsayfuckorbugger · 01/01/2020 23:13

As Ragwort said

Heismyopendoor · 01/01/2020 23:14

Both your texts seem very desperate. Please don’t send either of them.

You aren’t right for each other, send one of the pp texts. Have some respect for yourself and don’t try and cling on to him. You’ve been casually seeing each other for a few months, you owe him nothing.

Drop and move on.

Honeyroar · 01/01/2020 23:17

No no no to both texts. You sound desperate in both! He’s not putting enough effort in and he’s clearly looking for Mrs Next. Why sit there being second best until he cuts off all contact?? He didn’t even contact you when he was nearby..

I’d just say that you need someone who can put a bit more in than he can, it’s clearly not working, so you wish him all the best. Then delete all contacts you have for him and try to move on.

Original poster
Conflicted1212 · 01/01/2020 23:26

I did mean breaking up face to face. I want to see his face, as I Honestly think he feels the situation is fine. I really do want to mention bumble, cause that’s the source of upset. I get we are not compatible, and been feeling it a while. If I am honest it’s not been right for ages, I have just been hoping that it was circumstances. We are good in person, but he makes me insecure whenever dint see each other. Makes me feel needy, which I am not.

OP posts:
NumbersStation · 01/01/2020 23:30

No. No. No.

Yes. Yes.

No. Yes.

Pull up your dignity sweetie and walk away.

TwentyViginti · 01/01/2020 23:36

If you tell him face to face, he'll make some excuse about being on bumble, and reel you back in saying he really wants to be with you - which is actually what you want isn't it?

The reality is he'll keep you on the back burner while he looks around. Chances are he's dating others anyway.

VaggieMight · 01/01/2020 23:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 02/01/2020 00:20

It’s over. He doesn’t care enough and you care too much.

Please don’t text him. As Numbers says, please find your self respect then block him and ignore.

mokapot · 02/01/2020 00:25

“Hello. Happy new year. Just don’t feel we are going to work out due to both of our busy schedules. Best wishes for the future. Conflicted1212”

mokapot · 02/01/2020 00:26

And move on. You win some and you lose some

Yeahnah2020 · 02/01/2020 00:35

Definitely do not send either of those texts. Just say this:
“ Hi ......., Ive been thinking for a wee while now that our relationship isn’t working for me .its clear we want different things and I think it’s best we go our separate ways. All the best.

Cornish2 · 02/01/2020 00:40

He was asking if my friend was still here

I invited him to pop round today as he was close. Read the text but no answer

So if your friend wasn't there he might have pooped in? Sounds like he was after one thing only.
He doesn't need a text just block him and he'll realise you were better than that.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 02/01/2020 00:45

If the relationship is over what does it matter about the Bumble (whatever that is)

Just let it go..

RosaYasmin · 02/01/2020 00:59

you know he's no longer interested but you're finding it hard to accept that fact; you're wanting to send a message that will keep communication going between the two of you and to stop the inevitable ending

cut off all contact and fill your time with other things to think about and do, the gap the end of this relationship leaves has to be filled with other things

Butterymuffin · 02/01/2020 01:05

Don't bring up Bumble. I know you really want to but it will not help. He'll make excuses and justify it and it will still hurt. The only way to get over it is to move on, not pick at the issues with him by text.

momtoboys · 02/01/2020 01:09

I wouldn't bother to send him a text. Let it die a natural death.

L0bstersLass · 02/01/2020 01:12

Don't bring up Bumble. It makes you sound like a stalker.
You say that you're not needy - but you are sounding it.
Suggest you send what Lex234 said.

Danni12 · 02/01/2020 01:21

It feels like you want to have a face to face conversation with him to check if your assumptions that he is fading you out are correct. If this is what you really want then do that but have clear boundaries held firmly in your mind. Know what it is that you want in a relationship. Know what questions you want to ask him. Then invite him over and say that you want to talk to him about where this relationship is going

Maybe, he is on the same page as you (activation of Bumble suggests not)? Maybe he is spectacularly laid back in relationships. However, this approach is making you feel insecure which you said is unlike you, remember that.
Is there anything he could say that would reassure you? If not, then you already know the answer and you can send a clear concise and final text Flowers

YappityYapYap · 02/01/2020 01:23

I wouldn't send anything, I'd just delete his number and any WhatsApp messages he sends without reading them. People that lead people on for 5 months and stay active on dating sites deserve a ghosting

momtoboys · 02/01/2020 04:15

Oh, no! Please don't send that text. You need to get some dignity and let this go.

Cyberworrier · 02/01/2020 07:42

I want to see his face, as I Honestly think he feels the situation is fine
If he felt the situation was fine, he wouldn’t still be on Bumble- or he’s an arsehole if he thinks you and him are doing ‘fine’ and it’s not a problem for him to still be on a dating platform.

I really do want to mention bumble, cause that’s the source of upset.

If it was a serious committed relationship, of course it would make sense to explain why you are upset. But this guy is showing you in every way he can that he is not bothered and doesn’t care about your feelings. As others have said, please preserve your dignity and self respect by not pouring your heart out to him.
Also, Bumble is not the only problem, you’ve said he has become slow to reply to messages and isn’t good at arranging to meet up. The three things together make it very clear he isn’t interested, I’m afraid.

I get we are not compatible, and been feeling it a while. If I am honest it’s not been right for ages, I have just been hoping that it was circumstances. We are good in person, but he makes me insecure whenever dint see each other. Makes me feel needy, which I am not.

5 months in you should be feeling loved up and excited, not needy and uncomfortable. Do yourself a favour and either just stop replying to him or send one of the PPs suggested texts, not mentioning bumble. And be free for whatever 2020 may bring you, hopefully a bloke more worthy of your affection!

flouncyfanny · 02/01/2020 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 02/01/2020 07:49

I’m cringing for you, please don’t send a ‘needy’ text or mention Bumble. Just put your energy into power washing your own patio.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 02/01/2020 07:54

I'd mention Bumble and say:

"Hi dicksplash,

The last 5 months has been fun but I'm not looking for casual sex, and you're not looking for a relationship, judging by the fact your Bumble profile popped up for a friend today.

It's been nice getting to know you but let's just call it a day now before anyone gets hurt."

Hahaha88 · 02/01/2020 07:57

Why even ask for advice if you're not going to take it? Mention bumble and you look like a needy weirdo. You aren't exclusive so he's not actually doing anything wrong by being on it, even if it's a dick move. Just tell him it's not working for you and leave it at that

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