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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to end this via text?

188 replies

Conflicted1212 · 01/01/2020 21:21

Been seeing a guy for nearly 5 months. He is really busy, childcare and we live 30 mins drive. I work long hours and active social life. We try to see each other 1/2 times a week, staying over. Our means of communication is via daily texts. Lately he has been difficult to pin down to meet and very delayed In answering texts, even when has been online.

Since mid December he has said he was busy, trying to finish work things (has 2 jobs) and Xmas events. We both had family down for a week over Xmas, so no time. Last time I saw him was 27th December.

We tried to make NYE plans and they didn’t work out as he wasn’t sure in childcare - it was his normal day - but wasn’t sure if his teenager has plans. So my friend asked if she could come and stay, which I said yes. He ended up making plans with his friends, even though we were 10 mins down the road. I invited him to pop round today as he was close. Read the text but no answer.

Also today as my friend was messing about on bumble, his profile appeared. We had a chat in October when he said His profile wasn’t active and he wanted to see what develops, but take it slow. He said he had been hurt in the past and liked our dynamic. Couldn’t be 100 % committed as his teenager and work were priority. Pressed on this and he said seeing each other all the time and moulding lives, just wanted it to develop organically. That’s fine, I am wanting to remain independent and maintain our lives. Taking it slow is fine.

However, I feel I am being slow faded. The activation of his bumble account and ignoring texts, not good signs. So I would rather end it, as he is obviously not mature to do this. Do I do it over text? Or face to face - I like to gauge reactions. It’s just when we will meet?

I am sad as I liked him, but rather leave respectfully than being cheated on or replaced. What do I do?

OP posts:
Daisydoola · 02/01/2020 12:06

Oh thank goodness you didn't send either of those texts.

I don't think you'll be able to do it but please try not go mention bumble if he calls.

SusanneLinder · 02/01/2020 12:09

I personally wouldn't send him anything. I have my doubts ( sorry), that he will even contact you again. I would just leave it be and find someone who is more interested. Definitely wouldn't mention Bumble.

SusanneLinder · 02/01/2020 12:13

Sorry, just saw you did text him. I would just ask to get my stuff back, fuck the coffee!

JustASmallTownCurl · 02/01/2020 13:10

"Also said he would come and power wash my patio.”

OP, Is this a MN euphemism like Centre Parks? If so, definitely get him to do that first.

@draughtycatflap

Hahahahahaha

Also hoping your name isn't a euphemism for anything Grin

ferntwist · 02/01/2020 14:04

Have you heard back from him yet OP? He’s making you wait again! Get rid.

Conflicted1212 · 02/01/2020 14:10

Nope not heard back. However stalkerish this may sound, he has not been active on WhatsApp. Time stamp before I sent the text has not changed. I just asked for some time to talk. Think I will give it to tea time. If not heard then send the dump text!

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 02/01/2020 14:11

If he hasn't read it yet you're unreasonable to chase in 3 hours time. Surely he's at work or something?

Conflicted1212 · 02/01/2020 14:16

Nope. He is off work and me too.

OP posts:
DippingToes · 02/01/2020 14:18

He'll have still seen your message on WhatsApp pop up (unless he's muted you, which also should tell you something). Whether he's at work or not, he'd have texted you if he was bothered. Sorry.

Block him and regain control!

Conflicted1212 · 02/01/2020 14:21

He has a notification setting that only pops up names and not message preview. I have the same. Time stamp was at 8am ish. Sent the text at 8.40. Just need to send the dump text really.

OP posts:
BercowsFestiveFlamingo · 02/01/2020 14:29

Yes, just get it done ffs.

DippingToes · 02/01/2020 14:33

You definitely need to. Send and block. Do it now, to prevent any more anxiety. Your future self will thank you for it, I promise.

JustASmallTownCurl · 02/01/2020 14:38

The outcome won't be any different if you send it now or get into a conversation later - send it and it's done, with you in control and walking away with your head high ready to move on!

FatherRabulaConundrum · 02/01/2020 14:38

Definitely treat yourself to a Kärcher in the sales with the babysitting cash you've saved, though. A man's just a man but a decent power washer is a whole way of life.

Grumpos · 02/01/2020 14:41

This guy isn’t interested, he may well like you but he doesn’t like you enough to not keep one eye on what else is out there.

Please just end it and don’t let him dictate how it ends or you’ll feel twice as shit after, knowing not only has he messed you around a little bit but also you’ve mugged yourself off hoping he’s gonna do some backtracking.

Even when something is casual they should still read and reply to messages, you should still be able to organise regular meets etc. Casual doesn’t mean being ignored as and when it suits them

TheMustressMhor · 02/01/2020 14:50

I would just block him and move on with my life, OP.

Nothing is going to change the way he treats you.

With any luck you'll find someone worthwhile soon.

DippingToes · 02/01/2020 14:54

I also take it from your lack of reply that not even a Christmas gift was forthcoming. Sorry, OP, but early on in a relationship he should be trying to impress you.

Nothing about this man is impressive. Move on.

QueenofPain · 02/01/2020 14:56

Just send the text. You don’t owe him some awkward face to face thing.

angieloumc · 02/01/2020 15:14

Oh dear, you're right OP, it does sound 'stalkerish'. Please keep your dignity and just let it go.

sonjadog · 02/01/2020 15:17

Do you really want a conversation where he tells you that he isn't interested in you? I think some things are better left unsaid.

TeddybearBaby · 02/01/2020 15:41

What stuff did you want to get back from him?

Conflicted1212 · 02/01/2020 15:43

I have a few tops and left a ring there. He can drop them off at a later date. Got a text back saying busy day and will call when he gets home.

OP posts:
carly2803 · 02/01/2020 16:07

just dump him OP, hes too busy to text you why are you giving him headspace?

send the text now and get yourself back online dating!

Conflicted1212 · 02/01/2020 16:42

It’s done. Sent the text and said it wasn’t working for me. He said agreed, he hadn’t lost interest, but got too busy and needed to prioritise. Wouldn’t talk on the phone.

OP posts:
Guardsman18 · 02/01/2020 16:49

Are you feeling ok -ish? Not a nice situation to be in I know

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