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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s acceptable to leave an 9yo girl at a party unsupervised

256 replies

Louise0701 · 01/01/2020 21:10

Sorry if this is a long post but wanted to include as much info as possible.
Back in October I booked a “pamper party” for my daughter and 10 friends. It’s drop - off only in a very reputable salon on a very busy high street with plenty of shops, coffee shops & restaurants.
It’s afternoon tea with a hairstyle, kids manicure and pedicure (nail painting) and games at the end.
All the mums were made aware it was drop off only when I sent out the invitations and everyone was fine with it. We all arranged to go to the restaurant over the road for a child free lunch whilst we waited for the girls. The party is for 2 hours and is this Saturday.
One of the mums who has been my friend for 5 years has texted me today saying she’s not happy about leaving her daughter with a stranger so she won’t be attending unless she can stay. I have forwarded her the email from the salon with all the party details where it states it’s drop off only. Her daughter is the oldest girl attending at 9.
As it’s only 3 days before the party I’m still going to be charged for her place. DD is gutted she isn’t going. Im annoyed that she’s known for 2 months and has only just told me today she’s not happy with the arrangement. She’s now said she will let her come and she will stand outside and watch through the window?
I can’t decide if I’m being petty and precious because DD has had a shitty year in and out of hospital and she’s really excited for this party?
So.... AIBU to think it’s fine to leave a 9 year old for 2 hours at a party?

OP posts:
ChristmassySpice · 01/01/2020 21:12

The delay in replying is pretty crap IMO

JellyfishandShells · 01/01/2020 21:13

Oh, good grief, of course it is fine - she is being ridiculous.

Ineverdidmind · 01/01/2020 21:15

No you're not BU, but you dont know the mums reasons, she may have something going on in her life, or has had something happen in the past, that makes her feel more protective than others so dont judge her.
Perhaps shes told you late because she was trying to be relaxed about it but is having a last minute panic......you just dont know.

GrapefruitGin · 01/01/2020 21:15

I think yabu. Perhaps something has happened in last few days to make her realise it’s not suitable to leave her dd alone.

SarahTancredi · 01/01/2020 21:15

Shes not unsupervised though. There will be adults at the salon.

Sounds like an excuse tbh.

The salon.presumably has CCTV and there will be other people there. And parents seconds away

EduCated · 01/01/2020 21:16

Tbh I’m more surprised the salon don’t insist an adult stays and takes responsibility for them.

She’s unreasonable to only mention this now. Does this fit with what she’s like normally or does it feel out of character?

Beach11 · 01/01/2020 21:16

Personally I wouldn’t leave my DD without a known adult there to supervise. If it was my child’s party I would stay as the host and tell the other parents to drop & return.
Surprising the salon doesn’t want at least one adult to stay.

Could you not offer to stay to put the guests Mum at ease?

CoffeeRunner · 01/01/2020 21:16

Surely one adult needs to stay?

I understand why the salon doesn’t want hoards of people but at least one should be there IMO.

Not all 9 year olds are the same.

Original poster
Louise0701 · 01/01/2020 21:17

Yes it could be. I would hope that she feels she can tell me if she’s feeling anxious or struggling with something. I assured her the staff are CRB checked etc which is when she changed her mind and said she would watch through the window. I thought it rather odd to stand staring through the window but it’s her choice.
I wish she’d of told me from day one. It’s only last weekend we decided on the restaurant.

OP posts:
Mummyshark2019 · 01/01/2020 21:17

If she is not comfortable, she's not comfortable! Could the salon not make an exception for her?

Lost01 · 01/01/2020 21:18

Leaving it so late in the day is shitty. But honestly I would feel the same.

Dd has a complex medical condition but are the salon staff dbs checked? Do any of the kids/staff know each other or are they strangers? My dd would be excited at first but as it got closer she would melt down over being around a stranger without me or someone she knows.

So from those stances I think yabu too

Bunnybigears · 01/01/2020 21:18

I'm surprised the salon do not want at least 1 adult (the birthday childs parent) to stay. What would they do re disciplining the children if they started to get rowdy and out of hand? Are any of the people working at the salon close personal friends?

Original poster
Louise0701 · 01/01/2020 21:19

Thanks for your replies. Maybe I’ll email the salon and see if I should stay?
We will be directly opposite so literally seconds away but can see why some may not be comfortable with that.

OP posts:
WombatStewForTea · 01/01/2020 21:19

Surely there should be one adult there to supervise?
Highly doubt that the people who run the salon have enhanced DBS

Sprinklemetinsel · 01/01/2020 21:19

I would expect a familiar adult to stay!

Isleepinahedgefund · 01/01/2020 21:19

I'm surprised the salon doesn't want an adult to stay too. Drop off means parents of the guests don't stay. As a parent I would expect that you would be staying with the children for the duration of the party, and I wouldn't be happy to hear you'd be across the road having lunch.

daisypond · 01/01/2020 21:19

Do you mean not even you will be there? It’s just the birthday children? Does the salon know?

totallyradllama · 01/01/2020 21:20

Have you actually asked the salon? Surely they gave a waiting chair/sofa? Can't she sit there with her nose in a book?

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 01/01/2020 21:20

As above it does seem odd that the salon don’t expect at least one adult to stay. Unless I’m wrong that would mean, legally, at least one of the stylists would have to be pvg / dbs checked. It’s not that I’d mind dropping off at that age, it’s just strange.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 01/01/2020 21:21

Yeah, I agree. I actually wouldn't be happy with this either, you should be there to supervise

DDiva · 01/01/2020 21:21

Are you going to be in the salon ? I understand they dont want lots of parents around but I would expect you to be present just as a familiar face to the girls if nothing else.

The mum should not be pulling out at such late notice tho.....

CupoTeap · 01/01/2020 21:22

Maybe she can't afford the lunch?

LittleBearPad · 01/01/2020 21:22

I’d expect to have to stay if it was my DDs birthday so that one adult was supervising them.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/01/2020 21:22

Yanbu. The mum sounds batshit. That kind of over anxious molly coddling does nothing to help a child.

CodenameVillanelle · 01/01/2020 21:22

She's going to go and stare at them through the window? Weirdo.