To be unable to come to terms with how ugly I am?

[NotNowNoreen]

I'm in my 5th decade. I'm ugly. Truly. I go through phases of trying with nice clothes etc, and I do feel a bit better.. But ultimately I'm eventually confronted with how fundamentally physically horrible I am. And I can't change that. But I still can't come to terms with it either.

Does anyone else feel the same?

A beautiful spirit trumps a beautiful face.

:)

One of my fav quotes: A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.

Everyone has something attractive about them everyone

It's certainly true that beautiful people get an easier ride. But you'll have something going for you

If you were my friend, I would hands down not give a shiny shit how you looked. Does it matter?

Can you tell us what it is that you feel is ugly about you? I think there are very, very few people who are physically ugly - most people have some attractive features. There are some things that we cannot change but there are also things we can.

A PP is correct though. It is better to have a beautiful spirit than a beautiful face.

I have a lopsided face, one eye that's a bit bigger than the other. From the side I have a very weak chin, saggy neck, and I look completely miserable even when deliriously happy. Bad skin too. And I'm fat. Not much chance of anything beautiful shining through that lot.

Can you imagine speaking about or describing a friend how you've just described yourself?

Those who love you will never ever see you like this. They will say you are beautiful. Try to believe it x

I feel the same. Sixth decade, never had any attractive features. Take a terrible photograph too, like I know I'm ugly but oh my God, so unphotogenic!
I've always gone through stages where I think I will make the best of it, make loads of effort with grooming and weight, but at other times I think why bother, do people look at me and think I don't know how ugly I am?
I really sympathise with you.

I look like my father in a wig. As he looked in his sixties (I am forties!).

People don't recoil in horror, but I don't get lusted after either. I am very slim, and dress decently. I have actually had cars slow down when approaching from behind when in out walking... and then speed up when they see the front!

It doesn't matter. How you treat people, how you act in this world- that is what matters. I have wonderful friends, fantastic colleagues, and they genuinely seem to like me. That's enough for me.

Ugh. I hate all this “beauty is on the inside” type stuff. In real life, beauty on the outside contributes far more to how you are treated in day to day life.

OP, I am ugly too. It’s hard.

I think it’s exceptionally sad that you feel that way about yourself. Nobody should feel like that.

That's it exactly @UglyNotBodyDysmorphic

Thanks for understanding, but I am sorry that you or anyone else has to experience that.

I doubt you are ugly, the majority of people have some beauty on the outside be it there eyes, legs or smile

I'm not bitter. Just heartsore.

I am beyond hideous but, at 43, am past giving a crap. I do the best with what i (don't) have, smile and am genuinely happy with my (single, unspectacular) life. We have it drummed into us by your various media that looks are all, but i really don't find that to be the case out there in the real world.

I think we are all guilty of picking ourself apart and focusing on our looks more than anyone else ever will.

I also don’t think there is truly such a thing as ‘ugly’ (or physically horrible ). I do think that people who are dirty or unkempt can be unappealing, but if you are neatly dressed and clean, I wouldn’t care a jot what you looked like physically.

I was the same last year. I started exercising. Nothing heavy, just a work out dvd 5 times a week. I cut out tea/coffee and alcohol. Now my skin is great for the first time in my life, and I've lost a few stones. Exercise has banished my depression and made me feel happy. Do it op, go for a run and see how great it makes you feel.

This is a thread from October 2019 which is on this issue. Worth a read. Also explains why that Roald Dahl quote/beauty is on the inside mantra is unhelpful.

I know that I'm no looker, and probably bordering on ugly. I've got a significant underbite, a massive forehead and a hugely receding natural hairline. Small, squinty eyes and dry, flaky skin. And my hair is an odd combination of both thin AND frizzy. But you know what? I have plenty of friends, whose faces light up when they see me approaching.
I know I'm not going to get any more attractive than I am now, so I compensate as best I can with personality. I'm kind and friendly to others, I smile, and try to make the best of what I've got.

Maybe I'll be blessed with better looks in my next life. It clearly wasn't my turn this go-around. :)

I hear you op. I unfortunately look like my older brother, like we could be twins. Unfortunately he looks like an alcoholic circus clown 🤡 I am an awesome person though so fuck it 😋

Beauty isn't a virtue, it's an accident. It's terrible that less attractive people are treated worse than the more attractive ones, but they aren't better because of their beauty (which in any case almost always fades).

In terms of my friends or even the people I like, their looks aren't an issue, I just don't care. I doubt I'm alone in that. Even when choosing a partner it wasn't really part of my decision (I've been married for nearly 3 decades and he was no oil painting then and has only got more "interesting" looking with age). I don't know if I'm ugly, but I very much doubt that I'm beautiful. I think that beauty probably requires some sort of maintenance and I'm not up for that even if I did have the potential to develop.

Do you have people who love you, OP? Is your life fulfilling and varied? Do you have interesting work and/or hobbies? All of these things are more important than beauty. You can't even see your own face most of the time, and I'm sure that you are not surrounded with such beauty in your everyday life that you are noticeably plainer than everyone around you. Most people worry about what they look like, but don't give much of a stuff about other people's looks.

I don't think I'm bitter about it, it's just always been a fact of life for me. Not comparing myself to an ideal, just to normal people I know. Just don't have a single saving grace.

Try to keep myself to myself though. Do you feel it's stopping you doing stuff OP?