Need opinions please! Was I rude?

[savethatkitty01]

I vaguely mentioned to my friend DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end. No specific details were given and tbh I only really mentioned it to be polite. My friend messaged me to ask what time we would be going to watch the fireworks & I again reiterated we were catching up with our out of town friends and I wasn't sure, but I'd get back to her. As it turns out, we did catch up with our friends, but did not attend the NYE fireworks.

This morning I received a snarky message from my friend, asking me if I'd enjoyed the fireworks and she'd spent the evening alone as she was waiting to hear from me.

I was a little taken aback and explained we hadn't attended the fireworks after all.

Was I in the wrong? I am totally prepared to accept if I was, I am looking for insight. When I mentioned the loose plans to my friend, I didn't realise she would pin her entire evening on it.

The first time you mentioned it, fair enough to assume it was a vague suggestion but the fact she followed it up obviously meant she planned to come so YABU

It seems obvious from what you say that she thought she was invited with you. I’d be raging if you had ditched me, especially on NYE.

You did say you’d get back to her then didn’t. Couldn’t you have messaged that you’d changed plans?

Yes, you were rude.

You said she could join you if she wanted to and then failed to let her know where and when you were meeting, even after she specifically asked. Her asking what time is a clear indicator that she intended to come alone.
I would be really annoyed and feel let down too. You should have responded to her, even just to let her know that you were no longer going to the fireworks.

Yabu

Yeah you invited her then she asked for the details and instead of just saying "oh sorry we're no longer going" you ignored her and left her hanging.

You probably should of invited her to whatever you were doing with your friends. Especially if you knew she’d be on her own which isn’t clear in your post

You should have been clearer that you weren't going to meet up with her. She was clearly expecting that you would see the new year in with her and whilst that might have been a misunderstanding on her part, you should have cleared that up before failing to contact her.
You need to apologise. I bet she feels like shit.

Yes- don’t invite someone to be polite if your not prepared to see them. Worst case when she messaged you should have sucked up your pride and admitted your really sorry but don’t think it would work to meet up. Then she could have tried to make other plans. Yabu

Yup, rude, sorry. The "if you're at a loose end" phrase is basically an invite.

Oh my. Yes you were incredibly rude, but the fact you don’t even realise this makes you look like an insufferable self-centred arse. We have all said things that haven’t mapped out, but most of us act with humility and accept we were out of order. You were not being a good friend.

I think you were thoughtless rather than rude which is worse.
You met with your friends and forgot all about her.
I would be quite upset in her position.

You were very, very rude and you owe your friend an apology. You basically invited her out with you, then said you’d get back to her and didn’t bother, on NYE. Not cool.

Yes, you should have messaged her to say plans had changed and you were no longer going. Would have taken you 30sec max.

How is mentioning something you weren’t really inviting her to polite?
You said you would get back to her and didn’t. Very rude.

Yes you were rude. She could have been dressed, ready to go and just waiting for your reply to head out to the fireworks.

Really feel sorry for her.

Wondering if your friend made a resolution to make new friends..

I feel awful on your friends behalf. You were the one who mentioned it to her. She followed it up clearly not understanding you were “only being polite”. And you then replied saying you will get back to her - and she waited for you to do so - and you never did?! And she spent NYE alone. Fuck sake. I almost hope it’s you in her shoes another NYE - “at a loose end”.

Excluding your friend from your plans is probably one of the most unkind things you can do, and so hurtful. So, yes you were being more than rude.

Yabu for all the reasons above

I think it depends on how you worded your message.
if Someone tells me they are not sure if their plans, I’m assuming they dint know yet. I also certainly wouodn’t expect to tag along and be told of all the arrangements because ‘friend had invited me to go and see the fireworks’.

In a case like this, I wouod have sent a text closer at the time to check and made my own arrangements.

I think it was a case of miscommunication tbh.

You obviously didn’t intend to be rude as such, so I think some of the name-calling above is unnecessary. I agree it was miscommunication rather than rudeness, though I can see why your friend was upset. I think I’d apologise and try to rectify things ASAP.

To me the way you worded it sounds like the plans were changeable so I would have read between he lines and planned I join you if our plans came together, but wouldn't have planned my evening around you. I'd be mortified if someone stayed in waiting for me.

I think to avoid confusion I'd be direct next time and not invite people out of politeness. I do the same thinking the more the merrier and hate to see people left out but lots of people aren't keen on extra people tagging along.

Yes, you were in the wrong. You said you'd get back to her but didn't.

Jesus you were incredibly rude, you owe your friend a massive apology. Really worrying you can’t see that