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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need opinions please! Was I rude?

418 replies

savethatkitty01 · 01/01/2020 05:28

I vaguely mentioned to my friend DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end. No specific details were given and tbh I only really mentioned it to be polite. My friend messaged me to ask what time we would be going to watch the fireworks & I again reiterated we were catching up with our out of town friends and I wasn't sure, but I'd get back to her. As it turns out, we did catch up with our friends, but did not attend the NYE fireworks.

This morning I received a snarky message from my friend, asking me if I'd enjoyed the fireworks and she'd spent the evening alone as she was waiting to hear from me.

I was a little taken aback and explained we hadn't attended the fireworks after all.

Was I in the wrong? I am totally prepared to accept if I was, I am looking for insight. When I mentioned the loose plans to my friend, I didn't realise she would pin her entire evening on it.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 03/01/2020 18:20

Oh dear. It's great if you've never had a lonely New Year's Eve, but surely you're aware that lots of people can and do? It's one of the worst days of the year when everyone seems to be with friends/family/loved ones have the best time if you're alone

I so agree with this ^^
I think it is worse than Christmas for feeling unloved and unwanted.

Glitteryone · 03/01/2020 18:25

Your poor friend, this was probably the worst night of the year to be alone and let down.

I don’t understand why you suggested meeting if you didn’t really mean it? In future OP say what you mean / mean what you say!

MadameButterface · 03/01/2020 18:28

Ywbu and YAstillBU for your shruggy ‘miscommunication on both parts’ nonsense. She didn’t miscommunicate anything, you acted all grand and airy ‘oh we’re meeting our a-list friends you might be able to be a plus one if we cba with you’ let me guess, two cosy couples got chatting and left the single person out? Best hope karma isn’t real op

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 03/01/2020 18:39

*Kind of odd to invite her to something you weren't particularly likely to be doing...

What's more, it sounds like you knew she would be, or thought she might be, "at a loose end" (translate as alone on New Year's Eve) when you invited her 'to be polite' to plans you didn't actually have*

winpeaks has put it perfectly. You invited her along to something that you knew was unlikely to happen. It wasn't a big deal to you, you had other plans. But it was an invitation out on NYE for her.. and by agreeing to go, she was telling you she was at a loose end, ie, doing nothing else.

Ginger1982 · 03/01/2020 18:40

"Apology was issued, all is good. It was miscommunication on both parts."

Course it was 🙄

GreaterSpottedFemale · 03/01/2020 19:00

Apology was issued, all is good. It was miscommunication on both part

Another one here who doesn't see any miscommunication on the friends part, only yours OP. I feel sad to think of your friend waiting to enjoy NYE with you, waiting for you to send the details of the time & place, only to get nothing, know she's been forgotten and spend the night alone & feeling crap.

I think a bunch of flowers and lunch out, just the two of you, would be a good way to make it up to her and let her know you still value her friendship.... if, in fact, you actually do?!

ferrier · 03/01/2020 20:22

And one here who sees no miscommunication on OP's part, other than a bit of flakiness by saying she'd let friend know and then didn't.
No firm arrangements were made. The apology need only be for not getting back to her. And the friend could just as easily have contacted op if she was that bothered.

Beckkynanny · 03/01/2020 21:24

What was her miscommunication?

1300cakes · 04/01/2020 10:21

Not psychically knowing it was a fake invite I guess. She failed to use mind reading communication.

mathanxiety · 05/01/2020 05:45

She miscommunicated?

differentnameforthis · 05/01/2020 09:41

Sounds like she was expecting to meet up with you all, and if you said "if you're at a loose end" I can see why she thought she was invited.

Motoko · 05/01/2020 10:55

Miscommunication on both parts?

Absolute bollocks!

Witchofzog · 05/01/2020 16:03

You are truly not a nice person. You have shown literally no empathy for your friend at all and to top it all have more than likely gas lighted her into thinking she is partially to blame. Who does that? I hope someone does this to you too one day op as I think it is the only way you will truly understand how you have made your friend feel. You should be utterly ashamed

Aridane · 05/01/2020 19:20

You were rude and cruel. Hopefully the (new) OP is a troll

BloggersNetwork · 07/01/2020 08:37

OP in your original post you asked for insight. Did you get it?

Poetryinaction · 07/01/2020 09:18

This morning I received a snarky message from my friend, asking me if I'd enjoyed the fireworks and she'd spent the evening alone as she was waiting to hear from me.
My friend messaged me to ask what time.

Is clear communication.

vaguely mentioned, we might go, No specific details were given, I wasn't sure, but I'd get back to her (and didn't)

Poor communication

Survivingchipandkippee · 07/01/2020 10:19

I don’t think you need another person putting you down about this. The fact you came on here shows that you recognised it was an issue. We are all human and don’t get things right all the time. Draw a line and make good your friendship.

FeegleFion · 07/01/2020 10:24

Your poor friend. I’d be raging if I were her.

The fact that you have to ask if you were out of order shows a lot about who you are.

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