Need opinions please! Was I rude?

[savethatkitty01]

I vaguely mentioned to my friend DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end. No specific details were given and tbh I only really mentioned it to be polite. My friend messaged me to ask what time we would be going to watch the fireworks & I again reiterated we were catching up with our out of town friends and I wasn't sure, but I'd get back to her. As it turns out, we did catch up with our friends, but did not attend the NYE fireworks.

This morning I received a snarky message from my friend, asking me if I'd enjoyed the fireworks and she'd spent the evening alone as she was waiting to hear from me.

I was a little taken aback and explained we hadn't attended the fireworks after all.

Was I in the wrong? I am totally prepared to accept if I was, I am looking for insight. When I mentioned the loose plans to my friend, I didn't realise she would pin her entire evening on it.

Worse than bring rude - you were very hurtful and dismissive of your friend.

Yes you were very rude. You knew she was expecting to see you, but just left her hanging. You said you’d get back to her and never did.

You should have told her much more clearly that you might not go to the fireworks, agreed a deadline to let her know, and then stuck to it.

You ditched her on NYE, of course she’s going to be annoyed and hurt.

Ouch.
Poor friend, sat ready waiting.
Very rude and self absorbed, you should have contacted her.

I am SO glad that you're not my friend. You were very rude and also unkind.

I agree, you shouldn’t have mentioned it if you didn’t want her to come and when she asked what time you should have said you’d changed your mind or texted her later and said you weren’t going now.

Yes you were wrong. How do you think it made her feel you 'vaguely asking' (inviting her out) and then not bothering with her when she was clearly asking for details - very thoughtless

If you're not going to invite people somewhere (especially New Year or other big celebrations), it's best not to mention other plans you have if you're not going to invite them. It's quite hurtful.

I don't understand why you'd have been in touch with her in the first place, if you'd intended to ditch her. What I mean is, I don't think your intent was to upset her. In hindsight, you should've got back to her. I think a hands up in the air apology is the way forward.

Goodness, yes. You were very rude indeed, and you owe her a massive apology. You essentially invited her and told her you would get back to her, then left her hanging. I am surprised she is still speaking to you.

I'm going to against the grain and say YANBU at all. I hate when people try and invite themselves along to things, especially as you're catching up with people you, presumably, hadn't seen in a while if they're out of town. Also, she could have text you asking if you were still meeting and if she could join. People need to be straight forward, sounds like she's made lots of assumptions

OP, I think you are getting a bit of a hard time. I have a friend a bit like you, always a bit vague, so I’ve just learned that I have to pin her down. Yes, you should have text her back, but if she has the nerve to send a snarky message in the morning I don’t understand why she didn’t send you an assertive message yesterday, after she didn’t hear back from you, asking if you were definitely going and if she could definitely come.

I’m in two minds here. I don’t think you actively invited the friend along - I think you are getting a hard time here - but the thing you did wrong was saying you’d get back to her and you didn’t. That was wrong. The first part is misunderstanding or miscommunication.

I think you were rude tbh. It would have taken mere seconds to let her know you wouldn't be going and not to plan around you, but you didn't. She obviously thought you had invited her, whether you were just being polite or not.

Last night , did you genuinely not think that she would be upset ? If not then you are not so much rude but not great at social situations which makes you appear / come across as rude . She was probably very hurt by your actions !

You literally said you would get back to her, and then you didn’t. On New Year’s Eve. Of course YABU.

Yep I think she realises what her friendship means to you

Sorry you invited her and then left her hanging. YABU.

Why did you not get back to her after saying you would?

That was pretty awful OP. You left her hanging.

Yabu

God how mean. You invited her, she said yes, and then you ditched her by not telling her your plans. With friends like you...etc etc.

YABU, rude and thoughtless.

I hate when people try and invite themselves along to things,
She didn’t invite herself along.
Yabu op.
You clearly didn’t want her to go and shouldn’t have mentioned it in the first place.

Lesson to learn - don't give invitations 'to be polite'. It isn't polite, it's insincere.

It was unfair not to text back that you weren't going to see the fireworks.

Why didn't you get back to her? You need to apologise and then make a New Year resolution to say what you mean and mean what you say in future. Be a better friend in future.

Your friend wasn't being snarky. Her feelings are, understandably, hurt.