£100 for xmas dinner

[disneydatknee]

We went to sis inlayws for xmas dinner this year and shes charging £100 per family. No alcohol was provided, we had to bring our own. Pud was brought by another family member. All her veg was free from a local charity for food waste. So she only paid for meat which I ate about half a palmful of beef of. My family consists of 2 adults and 2 children that ate fuck all. Aibu to say I'm not fucking paying it? No back story or drip feed. This is it!

You've budgeted £50 for it, so I'd send £50. Still expensive, but less than you'd have paid at a pub. Affordable, and not really worth the fall-out. Ignore the request for £100 - if she follows it up I'd ask her to break down the cost.

We have family friends who host events and they ask for a contribution but it's only if you have specific things (meat/booze). To charge everyone the same flat price seems unfair.

You missed a trick, I'd have been filling up tupperware with beef

Just be firm and say we had x, x and x so our contribution will be x.

This is what I said to my husband. Whether we feel its justified or not (now with the exclusion of booze) I'm happy to pay her the original £50. But she will still kick off

Bugger that. I spent a fortune on xmas dinner (not charged!) but even if I work it out per family it's not that much.

Pay her what was expected/ agreed but certainly no more.

Give her 40 and if she doesn't like it, tough.

So this is your first time being part of this tradition..it's not agreed but expected

She can jog on, if anything just pay for what you ate.

So... she’s charging all the families £300 collectively? Plus, presumably, their share... makes it a £400 meal. Was it a £400 meal between all family members??
Mental!

And yet we went to my parents boxing day and they provided food and drink all day at no charge. For 12 people..and they would never dream of asking for money when they are hosting

The £400 is just for the meat. That must have been one fucking massive turkey.

Basically going by her calculations (as veg was free, booze and pud not provided) that makes £500 on meat. There was not £500 meat on offer and nowhere near that consumed over 16 people (8 of which were kids who didnt eat it anyway and one adult vegetarian).

OP just transfer her £20 towards the meat. She is obviously trying to make a profit and I suspect still will be successful even at this much reduced rate. For those who think it is scandalous to ask people to pay towards hosting, lots of families decide to spend xmas together however it is unfair for the host to cover the whole cost. Even my sister-in-law who orders the whole of xmas lunch from Cook would not be out of pocket of we all contributed £20-30 a family and then brought along booze, nibbles and puds.

Bugger that. I spent a fortune on xmas dinner (not charged!) but even if I work it out per family it's not that much

Yes this! My shop was around £200 but not just for the food and drink served at Christmas Dinner itself, and we were feeding 11. I’d never have the brass neck to ask anyone to pay for a meal I’d offered to host! That’s outrageous! She’s a CF.

What charity gives out free veg to feed 16 people in one family?
Pay what you agreed less say £10 for booze.

My meat was about £80 odd for a joint of sirloin and a turkey crown that fed us all and had loads of leftovers

I would send her a cheque plus a letter (phrased nicely) explaining how a) you are struggling to see how she arrived at the amount - but you trust her....b) how you budgeted for £50 based on the original proposal - that you accepted the invitation on the basis of and c) that she is very welcome to cash the cheque if that's how she wants to manage the situation but that she must understand that it will draw a line under your relationship if she does. Move the ball into her court.

You have to ask for a break down of the costs

Ooh, she HAS to send you those calculations that she's now come up with!

Did they provide their own alcohol and pudding? If not, have they paid those who brought it for their share? I hear that a supermarket Christmas pudding to feed 4-6 people averages around the £150 mark, you know....

Don't ever accept a lift from her into town, will you - she'll be having you pay her year's road tax and MoT.

She can't seriously be that bright if she thinks she can possibly justify this. In fact, you've said you'd have accepted the £50, which is already a tidy profit for her; by pushing her luck this far into CF territory, she must know that she'll be asked for a breakdown - and then end up with the actual £10-£20 each family instead of the £50 she could have had if she hadn't been so outrageously greedy.

I don't personally see any issue with asking people to contribute towards the provision/cost of the food as it's unfair to just assume that somebody will host AND foot the whole bill. But as for seeking to bag herself a huge profit?! As a PP said, you can have a Christmas Day meal at a pub - which makes no secret of the fact that it's a business wanting to make a profit - for less than she's after charging you.

It's the bait and switch that is the deal breaker to me. Pay what you agreed to pay. No more than that.

Blimey, it is expensive to host, but not £500 expensive.

Surely it should be calculated per head rather than it family.

Say to her the original cost was $100 and included alcohol, seeing as you had to BYO you expected the price to drop but it appears to have gone up so you wanted to check if that was correct or if an error had been made.

Get your partner to send a text to her saying that. If she says it is correct then ask her what you were paying for.

Wtf! when did this become a thing?

I’d pay what you agreed minus what you would have consumed in drinks. Would the £50 also have included some soft drinks? Did she tell you prior to arriving that there would be no drinks?

I have never heard of anyone charging anything for Xmas dinner at their home!! Often people bring various dishes, and their own alcohol, but even if they don't there is not a charge. She is wanting to profit from this. I would leave it to your husband to sort out, and never go to her house for Xmas again.

I’d think 35 is fair if you originally agreed to 50 which included drinks.