£100 for xmas dinner

[disneydatknee]

We went to sis inlayws for xmas dinner this year and shes charging £100 per family. No alcohol was provided, we had to bring our own. Pud was brought by another family member. All her veg was free from a local charity for food waste. So she only paid for meat which I ate about half a palmful of beef of. My family consists of 2 adults and 2 children that ate fuck all. Aibu to say I'm not fucking paying it? No back story or drip feed. This is it!

[Drum2018]

The amount of meat you ate is irrelevant. It was there to be eaten - not her problem you didn't have much. You wouldn't go to a restaurant, eat half a serving and expect to pay half.

Besides that she's a cf to charge such an extortionate amount for the rest. If you're feeling generous transfer the £50 you had budgeted for and tell her that's all she's getting. No doubt she'll query it so explain that's the amount originally agreed, that you are only paying towards the dinner as there was no alcohol and someone else provided dessert. That person should deduct the cost of dessert from their share too

[EntropyRising]

How crass.

[livefornaps]

Shit on her doorstep

[eddielizzard]

Awful behaviour. I'd be inclined to ignore for as long as possible and then ask why it was so much.

[Dollymixture22]

You agreed to pay £50 so you should pay £50. If it was a restaurant I would reduce it for lack of alcohol, but it’s not.

She doesn’t sound like a very gracious host, so no more Christmas
Meals at her house.

You can’t expect to only pay for what you ate though, she catered for a set number and it’s not her issue hat you didn’t eat much.

To be honest £50 for a family of four wouldn’t have covered our Christmas Day meal, with starters, main course and choice of deserts etc. When you add alcohol the original £50 was a bargain,

[ClappyCheeks]

The amount of meat you ate is irrelevant. It was there to be eaten - not her problem you didn't have much. You wouldn't go to a restaurant, eat half a serving and expect to pay half

That’s true but has OP not said that to justify what she’s charging there would have to have been £500 meat which there clearly wasn’t?

OP I agree with those who had said transfer £40 ie the £50 agreed less the alcohol she didn’t provide. Let her kick off. Who cares.

[MRex]

If it was organic, that's a 30kg turkey. Wow, very big bird. Unlikely to fit in a standard size oven. Pay £40 with the alcohol deduction if that's what your DH is happy with, then you've played fair.

[littlejalapeno]

Yes VVU of her. Do you think she’s saying £100 to make sure she gets the £50? Like if she asks for the £50 people will say no and give her less but if she asks for £100 people will say no effing way I’m only paying the original £50. Or pay the £100 for a quiet life, in which case winner winner cheap beef dinner. We should at least pause to acknowledge the balls on this master manipulator (and I would bet money on her also being a bully.)

I’d ask for the details of where she got the beef as it was sooooo delicious and what a lovely find etc. Then you can work out what her likely budget was from there and counter offer her cfery. Do not pay £100 on principle and defo not the £50. You can say you didn’t get the full package (no booze) so shouldn’t have to pay the full price. It will be awkward socially with the fam but in the long run you’ll be glad you stood up for yourselves.

[PlumsGalore]

It’s not that hard, you really should have texted straight back with “lol, no chance. You said £50 with all alcohol, there was no alcohol and you got the veg and puddings free! I have transferred you £40 and knocked a tenner off for no wine or beer xxx”

[littlejalapeno]

However on the flip side with the benefit of the doubt- did you take a gift or some flowers for her to acknowledge her hard work at catering and hosting so many? Perhaps she felt like that hadn’t been acknowledged and bumped you up to £100 accordingly?

[fedup21]

She literally messaged everyone 2 days after xmas with her back details like oh I've calculated it's now £100 per family. Please pay today.

So this happened last Friday? Have you spoken since?

[ffswhatnext]

I’d send her a tenner and assume it was a typo.

[Bluerussian]

I think it's very weird. Fair enough to chip in if lots of people are congregating at someone's house for a meal but actually charging a set amount is not on. I think she would have made a fair profit if everyone paid the exorbitant £100.

At least you know not to go again this year.

Very strange goings on, I've not come across it before.

[thelittlefox]

Hosting and cooking for that many people is a ton of work. I wouldn't mind if it was a revolving responsibility, but it sound as though you all go to hers every year, and I could understand if she was fed up with it.

Perhaps the retrospective overcharging is an attempt to force a change in arrangements going forward. She might be desperately hoping you'll all refuse to come next year!

[WombatChocolate]

If the agreed contribution was £50 then I would pay that.
To be honest, it doesn't matter how much you all ate or drank as individuals - any food and drink available had to be paid for. If a figure was agreed in advance though, it was up to her to budget for that contribution when c shopping and if she chose to spend more, that was up to her.

DO NOT get into a row about it, ask for itemisation etc etc - that would be very tacky. Just transfer the £50 you agree to and send a quick message thanking her for Christmas and saying you've transferred the £50 that you all agreed to before Christmas. Leave it at that.

Wanting itemisation, or saying some people are very little or didn't drink is just petty. You agreed to contribute, so contribute the amount you agreed to - it won't have been for a specified menu or to pay exactly for what you did or did not eat, just a generalised contribution. Suddenly being asked for double isn't really on, but I wouldn't get into discussion, but just pay what you'd agreed to.

[Pilot12]

Ask her for a full breakdown of her calculation, our Christmas dinner and tea for five people plus alcohol cost £100 but we got loads of chocolate, cheeses, Baileys pouring cream etc so we were extravagant.

[Gwynfluff]

Cost £110 to cook for 12 with leftovers for all - included 2 meats and veggie option. People brought own booze.

[DontDribbleOnTheCarpet]

It sounds like we may have a SIL in common!

To be honest, I think this is for your husband to handle. She is probably relying on you wanting to fit in because you are relatively newly married, and is testing you to see how much of a soft touch you are. If your husband wants to cut her off, then I reckon there is a long backstory of this kind of behaviour from her. She's his sister, let him deal with it. If any of the family contact you about it, tell them to ask your husband because he's dealing with it.

[fedup21]

I would have replied immediately to that text saying it wasn’t what we’d arranged?

[Songsofexperience]

The £400 is just for the meat. That must have been one fucking massive turkey.

Yes, maybe reply something like 'I didn't realise you'd cooked us an ostrich' or since you mentioned beef 'where's the rest of the cow? I want my share'.
Sorry, it's so bloody ungenerous of her. If she sees entertaining family as a money making scheme she will end up very lonely.

[SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge]

Idontkowmyname

From this day forth - let this be the code for all mumsnet CF’s 🤣🤣🤣

🚨 🚨 🚨

[ItsGoingTibiaK]

We had exactly this issue with my SIL - it was just the tip of her very large shitty behaviour iceberg. As I recall, we offered her less than she asked. She balked. We stood our ground, and in the end paid her nothing as she refused to back down from the original figure - and it was one of the many, many issues that led to us now being NC. And our life is all the better for it - and Christmas is much more enjoyable.

My family are the opposite - we have a good-natured dispute of the guests trying to contribute and the host absolutely refusing. Life is way, way too short for itemised bills at Christmas.

[Gooseysgirl]

I would give £30 as alcohol and pudding weren't included. And make other plans for next year!

[showmewhatyougot]

I too really want to see her cost breakdown!

[Davincitoad]

Who are these people that invite and charge? Don’t invite if it’s too much of a stretch.