£100 for xmas dinner

[disneydatknee]

We went to sis inlayws for xmas dinner this year and shes charging £100 per family. No alcohol was provided, we had to bring our own. Pud was brought by another family member. All her veg was free from a local charity for food waste. So she only paid for meat which I ate about half a palmful of beef of. My family consists of 2 adults and 2 children that ate fuck all. Aibu to say I'm not fucking paying it? No back story or drip feed. This is it!

[CoraPirbright]

But how many of you were there at lunch? If your SIL really only bought the beef then she will be making a small fortune out of hosting you all.

I wish we had a different word for it - ‘cheeky’ always implies to me mischievous but essentially good natured. This isn’t that.

[woodhill]

It's not like she can force you to pay. Do you want her in your life OP?

[woodhill]

Just pay the £50.

I would risk falling out.

So cheeky

[Hatetheendof]

I wouldn't get into a huge discussion or insist on breakdown demands, I would transfer £50 and leave it at that, no further discussion. If she asks next month, reply that is all you are prepared to pay given how much you received and that's the end of it.

[wibdib]

I would ask her for a simple breakdown of food and alcohol that each family is paying. If she asks why say something along the lines of being interested in how much was drunk in case you are the ones that end up catering for this in the next 2 or 3 years so you want to know how much you would need to get in... Ditto for a breakdown on foodstuffs in case you need to know quantities for what gets bought vs what gets eaten - much easier to do now and have written down rather than trying to work it out a year down the line...

And once they have given you the figures, then you can repurpose them to say we didn’t have any booze so we don’t see why we need to pay for it.
And see how much they charge the others too so they can’t say that all yours is food if others who were there who had the booze were charged the same!

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I think you need to make a fuss and not worry about 'upsetting' the precious.

Enough of a fuss, whatever the outcome, might make her think twice about doing it again. Some kind of 'HOW much??? Where was the alcohol you promised? What about the fact you got the veg for free? Have you taken that into account?' If you keep the questions simple and refuse to take the 'politician's answer' and just doing a John Humphreys and keep going back to the original question, you might at least get her to admit what she's doing.

Falling out permanently doesn't sound like a bad thing. And if the PILs pay your share - well, that's on them. Pandering to this woman isn't doing her any favours. Next year you may well be 'expected' to go back 'or you'll upset her' and you'll find yourself blackmailed into spending every Christmas there, shelling out more and more money for an inadquate meal!

[Pumpkinpie1]

Time to man up
Pay the £50 agreed and no more
the meal didn’t include the drink promised
Let it be a lesson learned , next time agree to bring a course yourself or just don’t go

[NoSquirrels]

Just pay the £50.

If someone else ends up paying her extra, more fool them. Parents or not! If they question you/DH about it you can say your piece reasonably. No need to argue.

[QueenDaisy]

The last line on your last update They all pander to her. You & your DH need to be the first ones not to, pay the £50 you originally agreed to & no more.

[Gooseysgirl]

God this woman really is a piece of work!!! OP... you and your DH have really got to make a stand on this. That extra £50 is not part of your budget EVER.

[Catgirl76]

It's all about her. Did she say it was an estimate before? If you pay her what she wants this time, next time will be worse.
You need to stand up to her.

[BarbaraofSeville]

shes said that's ok you can pay me £50 this month and £50 next month

Tell her to jog on, that £50 was a stretch, too much for what was served and that another £50 isn't in your budget next month or ever. Ask her what she would like her niece/nephews to go without to fund it.

I can't even imagine £500 of meat. Did she get the super luxury pack from the Queen's butcher? Even if she got a massive fillet or rib of beef and the biggest Kelly Bronze super premium turkey it would have come to £200 tops between the 5 families and you say little else was provided.

There must also have been masses of leftovers, which you aren't benefiting from so shouldn't be expected to pay for.

[DontDribbleOnTheCarpet]

At some point you are going to have to say no to her, otherwise her demands will just get more and more ridiculous and you will become more and more resentful. Now seems like quite a good time.

[dollydee]

This has been mentioned in one of the MSE forums, OP “should we pay our friends for hosting a party?”

forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=6088637#topofpage

[CoffeeWithMyOxygen]

They all pander to her.

Well so do you, you’re paying £100 to avoid her making a fuss!

[Smelborp]

So what if you fall out? And if your ILs decide to cover the unreasonable request for money, that’s on them.

BackforGood has an excellent reply. She won’t be able to make a breakdown reach £100 and so how will your ILs feel obliged to pay?

[disneydatknee]

We will just not go again! We should have anticipated this tbh. When we questioned her about the hike in price she said well £50 was just an estimate. There is absolutely no point arguing with her about how she came to the final calculations. She would give a standard politician answer and we would just fall out. If we refused to pay, his parents would end up covering the rest of the cost. Its just the family dynamic. They all pander to her.

[BrusselPout]

Oh OP why are you being such doormats about this - this is why CFs do things like this, because people don't say anything

[BackforGood]

I still think your dh should just say "No. Here is the £50, which we are paying to keep the peace, even though you didn't provide what you said you were going to. I can't possibly see how you claim to have spent that much - give me a breakdown of what you have spent, and how you work out it has come to so much."

[scubadive]

Why did your DH not ask her for a breakdown of costs and explain the truth that it can’t cost that much for the meat with no alcohol or dessert. There are other costs, crackers, napkins, candles etc but you still need to ask how it was so much.

[YorkshirePud1]

Oh no, please don't pay it. She's unbelievably cheeky. I think if I were in your position and ended up paying it, I'd just end up feeling angry every time I thought about it. Just refuse - what is she going to do about it really?

[KTheGrey]

I would pay the £50 and then just be unable to pay the next £50 ever. Just keep coming up with reasons you've had to spend it. They're family, they'll understand

[Hatetheendof]

Don't pay double! That way lies madness

[Drum2018]

Text back and say you won't be paying another instalment as you are paying the amount originally agreed. Why suck it up when she changed the amount? Don't be such mugs!

[Letseatgrandma]

Ultimately if we fall out it will be his parents stuck in the middle trying to keep the peace and I dont want to do that to them.

Will you do this every year just so you don’t upset your in laws?!