£100 for xmas dinner

[disneydatknee]

We went to sis inlayws for xmas dinner this year and shes charging £100 per family. No alcohol was provided, we had to bring our own. Pud was brought by another family member. All her veg was free from a local charity for food waste. So she only paid for meat which I ate about half a palmful of beef of. My family consists of 2 adults and 2 children that ate fuck all. Aibu to say I'm not fucking paying it? No back story or drip feed. This is it!

As a few of us have said, not everyone wants different guests rocking up with a pan of sprouts here or a jug of custard there!

You're at their mercy, as host, if they forget or get something unsuitable. You've got random people underfoot in the kitchen. At best your timings are liable to be a bit buggered!

If I'm hosting I'd genuinely rather just buy everything I need to produce the meal, & cook it myself. Contributions of non essentials like extra booze/puddings/buffet items welcome. If anyone would rather just contribute financially (as a guest I'd definitely find that easiest) that's also great. If someone turns up empty handed that's fine.

If money is tight, obviously a whip-round before the host goes shopping is both polite & appropriate, I'd say.

I agree it's not on to request £50 & then decide afterwards you expect £100! That's absolute CFery.

Hi I feel your resentment and annoyance over it- we were charged by my sister in law one year ( this was suggested by my other sister in law) it was agreed that everyone would pay at £15 per head - we had the youngest children at that time a 10 year old boy and 8 year old girl whose appetites weren’t huge but we were still charged the £60 for four of us which we turned up and paid in cash - only to find out that motherinlaw had done turkey auntie had done ham other sister in law had done table presents - we were the only ones who paid - we would have happily contributed to the meal in other ways like wine or desserts etc but it left us with a very bad feeling - hence the next two christmases we took the children on holiday to center parcs over Christmas to get away from everyone - everyone we spoke to about were horrified by it! We still seethe about why we didn’t just say no and not go but it would have been our children missing out on grandparents etc

@Disneydatknee

Any update from SIL?

Who actually charges their family or anyone for that matter that they invite to their home for dinner/drinks etc. If you can't afford to cater, then don't say you'll host!

Hally2020 for Christs sake do you think that question hasn't been asked and answered about a million times in almost 20 pages 😣

Fucking hell, it's like Groundhog Day in here.

I’m assuming your SIL is @MamToTeens, in which case I would simply leave a fiver and run away as fast as you can

This is madness. £100 not including alcohol?! Jesus!
A few years ago I went to a friend’s for Christmas and contributed £80 for me and DP, but this covered food and some drinks over 3 days and we took alcohol with us as well. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with chipping in when it’s agreed in advance and it’s clear where your money is going, but this sounds like pure CFery to me.

Sorry if I have missed this but how many families were there? You mention possibly 3 families I think so your SIL will be raking in £300 for just the beef!! That’s preposterous!

I am astonished to hear of this,a family member inviting you and then charging. I would not have accepted but you did so, I would pay her the original price of £50, which you agreed to, and never go again!

Update! Shes messaged my husband asking when we are paying her and he told her we are happy to pay the original amount as that is what we budgeted for but cannot afford £100...and shes said that's ok you can pay me £50 this month and £50 next month! I'm not about to get in a huge fight with her. In her mind it's entirely justified so raw end of the deal or not I guess we will just have to suck it up and pay it in the 2 installments and not accept any further invitations. Ultimately if we fall out it will be his parents stuck in the middle trying to keep the peace and I dont want to do that to them. This sucks!!!

It does suck-I wouldn’t pay and I would be asking why the amount has changed, where the booze was and a breakdown of costs.

You’re mad if you’re going to just roll over and pay.

Since she is insistent on the full amount, I would not be asking for a full breakdown of the cost. I'd also be making the point that there was no alcohol, pudding was supplied by someone else etc.

• now, not 'not'.

Did you ever ask what justified the cost doubling? You’re being mugs if you pay, surely you’d fall out anyway? I’d be livid. You’ve had 100s of responses saying you’re not unreasonable- stand up to them!

Don’t pay it. What will she do? Sue?

Ultimately if we fall out it will be his parents stuck in the middle trying to keep the peace and I dont want to do that to them.

Will you do this every year just so you don’t upset your in laws?!

Text back and say you won't be paying another instalment as you are paying the amount originally agreed. Why suck it up when she changed the amount? Don't be such mugs!

Don't pay double! That way lies madness

I would pay the £50 and then just be unable to pay the next £50 ever. Just keep coming up with reasons you've had to spend it. They're family, they'll understand

Oh no, please don't pay it. She's unbelievably cheeky. I think if I were in your position and ended up paying it, I'd just end up feeling angry every time I thought about it. Just refuse - what is she going to do about it really?

Why did your DH not ask her for a breakdown of costs and explain the truth that it can’t cost that much for the meat with no alcohol or dessert. There are other costs, crackers, napkins, candles etc but you still need to ask how it was so much.

I still think your dh should just say "No. Here is the £50, which we are paying to keep the peace, even though you didn't provide what you said you were going to. I can't possibly see how you claim to have spent that much - give me a breakdown of what you have spent, and how you work out it has come to so much."

Oh OP why are you being such doormats about this - this is why CFs do things like this, because people don't say anything

We will just not go again! We should have anticipated this tbh. When we questioned her about the hike in price she said well £50 was just an estimate. There is absolutely no point arguing with her about how she came to the final calculations. She would give a standard politician answer and we would just fall out. If we refused to pay, his parents would end up covering the rest of the cost. Its just the family dynamic. They all pander to her.