For feeling bullied by the FB "missing dog" group

[frillyfarts]

A dog in our village went missing just over a month ago, and since then her owners have obviously been beside themselves looking for it. We live at the edge the village and have just over four acres of land running down to the river, a few outbuildings and some stables where I keep my horses and five pet sheep. We have dogs ourselves so I do understand their panic/desperation to get them back, our dogs are part of the family and I can't imagine what they're going through.

When he first went missing, we checked all our buildings and walked the perimeter of the paddocks - I messaged the lady to tell her this and she acknowledged it. Since then, there has been a significant Facebook following on the dog's missing page and all kinds of people have turned up to help look.

This has slowly become an issue as we've had strangers climb into our fields and spook the horses, trying to access our buildings (some of which we have valuables in) and walking around the paddocks in the dark which has scared me as I was alone and not expecting to see flashlights on our land.

The final straw was last night when a group spooked my horse who jumped the fence and injured himself, I had to get the vet out, he needed stitches. I feel I've been accommodating and I would always allow the lady (whose dog it is) to come and look for him as she is known to me, but obviously I don't want strangers walking about our buildings and scaring the horses at night. So I sent her a text this morning to say please make everyone aware they are not to enter my property without my permission - I explained the back story with the horse and vet.

This evening I have seen on FB that she has posted a long rant that "everyone in the village is helping to search for Bean and has been so cooperative, apart from one mad horsey lady who has sadly refused us any further permission to search for the dog. This leaves a missing piece in the jigsaw and he could be laying hurt in her field because of her own selfishness."

I feel bullied - I don't dare to communicate further with her because I feel it will be twisted against me and I feel like I'm been made to feel like the villain in this. I don't want to send her an angry message either for fear it will be screenshot and posted. She hasn't mentioned me by name or address so I don't think there is anything I can do? I just feel so got at, and so annoyed that I spent so long looking for their dog and I'm just been made to feel like the bad guy.

I think you should reply. Just a very brief message saying that you do not appreciate people trespassing on your land and scaring animals, which resulted in a horse having to have stitches. Atleast there's evidence then that you've asked people to stop.

Facebook groups have form for being populated with snobby bastards, especially local community ones.

You were not in the wrong, OP. I really hope Bean is found soon but you've done your bit and you were right to speak up.

Put up @Hodge00079’s message then leave the group. Is the horse on box rest currently? I think it’s an idea to keep him in while the search/madness is going on, but if you see anyone on your land after dark, go full batshit on them. They have no right to be there and will spook the horses again. Assholes.

"logically if a pet dog runs off and it's owner is wondering about looking for it, it comes back"

Not necessarily. They can get lost and / or frightened. Admittedly this poor little tyke was in a new environment but ended up 10km from home. I remember lots of westie people out looking for him in the forest.

Being a solicitor doesn't mean you can't defend yourself as long as you are calm and factual. You are happy for the owner to look with permission but people unknown to you cannot. They can't search for one animal to the detriment of other animals, and you now have an injured horse due to search parties.

I’m another that usually would ignore online crap like that but I’m this instance I would say something calm, factual and evidenced in order to protect myself and my animals.

The last thing you need in a moronic randomer scaring one of your animals and getting hurt badly by them. If you preface the trespass first that might be a good idea for you

I’d post on the group and say

“I think this post is about me and I feel very misrepresented. The day I heard about Bean I searched our land thoroughly, since then I have allowed numerous others to keep searching but many turned up unannounced and even in the dark. Last night some of those searching scared my horse. My horse needed stitches. I emailed to say I would always keep my land open to the owner of Bean but it’s been a month and I can’t have strangers arriving in the dark and scaring my animals. I wish nothing but the best for Bean and if specific people wish to search for her at specific times on my land I will do what I can to accommodate them.”

This.

I am really shocked at these so-called 'dog-searchers' and their over-entitlement!

No I definitely wouldn't be happy for others to trespass to check land and buildings that OP is perfectly capable of checking themselves.

Do you know these people personally OP?

Unfortunately allowing people to search will remove boundaries, that mean they feel entitled to repeat this.

Do not say you are happy for others to look.

Say... I am happy to look, to ensure my own animals remain safe and not at risk of injury or escape themselves, and don't pose a risk to others, but cannot allow others to enter your property for any reason. That you have cameras that would spot any animals and you will immediately be in touch with any news, but that noone is to feel they have an invite onto your land as you habe your own animals to protect and one has come to significant harm as a direct result of unauthorised trespass.

The thing is, anyone seeing such FB pages may well use this as as excuse to go marauding across others land for nefarious reasons.

I think you have been more than helpful and kind OP, and others have completely overstepped the mark. So sorry for your horse, its obviously suffered a great deal of distress to jump out and sustain injury.

I'd like to think that these people are very well intentioned and just ignorant, but you are not saying you won't help just that you can manage this on your land, no others can. Post is on the fb page for all to see.

There’s benefits to both ignoring the post or posting a response.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think a response would affect your career. As long as it’s professional and not mirroring the nasty comments. I’d recommend changing your privacy settings so no one can click on/view your profile from the post. And worst case scenario, you can always delete the post at a future time once the dust has settled. I’d be worried that some of those unkind posters may continue to search your property regardless.

I'm a professional dog walker and sadly often get involved in helping people look for lost dogs as I understand dogs, the area, paths and hideouts well.

It is so often the case that lost dogs go into panic mode and become fear driven. They then hide and only come out for people very familiar to them. This has been seen so many times even with dogs that are usually extremely people friendly.

Charities involved in helping people search for dogs say the same as I have above.

So loads of people indiscriminately searching through OP's property are not only causing her in reasonable stress but also not helping.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you and your horses OP.

I'm absolutely shocked people are still out looking for the dog with flashlights at night a month on. I'm an animal lover, but come on, the fucking thing is dead. Lets be reasonable.

My sister in law is one such bonkers person. Picking random dogs up off the street (one of which bit her baby son ffs - my MIL had to be peeled off the ceiling over that one) and posting on Facebook that she’s found a lost dog. Loving all the drama. I have ever understood quite how she finds so many of them when I don’t ever recall seeing a single lost dog.

We had this where I live. One women kept finding dogs.

Until someone caught her on cctv taking them out of peoples gardens. Turns out if she saw a dog in a garden unattended she would see if she could get it out, walk off then claim she found it in the street. I think she found the attention of it addictive.

How horrible of the dog person, mad with grief and worry that she is.

I think you have been very patient and done what you would expect.

I am not sure giving her more oxygen to displace her worry and grief is the answer ... although I would be sorely tempted. I dont know whether you can phrase something suitable and calm and factual?

Do you know who the people were who spooked your horse causing injury and whether they might like to contribute to the not insignificant vet's bill and also I'd guess scaring to the horse.

Good luck with this one. Can you put signs up on your gates, explaining the situation?

It's post and four rail fencing along the perimeter so it's a fair stretch of fencing that can easily be climbed and I'm loathed to put up electric fencing just to deter people who really should know better.

I probably will end up putting signs down the fence but it's annoying that I'm having to incur another expense just to stop people trying to access what isn't theirs. In this country if it isn't marked as a right of way it is private property - no one ever has to put signs on their gardens or their homes but once you have the luxury of owning any larger area, there seems to be an assumption that it's fair game - when I've challenged people before the response received was "but there are no signs saying it's private" which really irks me. And I suppose after being publicly "shamed" on social media I'm concerned it looks a little passive aggressive to stick up a load of signs.

I'm just annoyed that in 2019 it's acceptable to put complete non truths on Facebook without any consequence.

So it makes sense OP to post a simple public declaration on FB that...

You will happily keep looking on your property for the lost dog anf will report back immediately any sitings, either in person or via your cameras.

That you will need to restrict this searching of your property to just yourself in order to keep your own animals safe.

That you were happy to have given others the opportunity to join an organised group search at the time, that there have been breaches of your property causing severe harm to your animals, so cannot continue.

You could ask fb admin to take it down, or flag it to fb by reporting the post.

Providing gates are locked there shouldn't need to be signs, as fencing indicates boundaries and its reasonable to assume not public land.

I do think it matters that you state your case, and take a screenshot of it.

Its then clear to all that it was a one-off and others are not to take it upon themselves under the guise of continued dog searching!

I'd reply with

'YOUR DAMNED DOG IS DEAD. as you will be if you defame me once more - you haven't seen it in a month and sending the village idiots out onto land where there are livestock at night is pure lunacy Any future trespassers will be prosecuted and poked off my fields with a cattle prod Yours sincerely. Mad Horsey Woman

or shot lol

Really get them talking

That may be how you would behave shedidnt but it's hardly constructive is it, and mostly very abusive.

I'm thinking you must be joking to make public death threats.

No I was 'deadly' serious

I sincerely hope her dog is not dead . It could be anywhere with anyone, more likely taken in by someone than died.

Truly horrible thing to say.

You really can spot the city/town dwellers can't you?

You have absolutely no right to trespass on private land to look for a dog that went missing a fucking month ago.

YANBU at all OP!

Post something similar to your opening message to the FB group to explain the facts and then let it be. What you wrote here was very reasonable and well articulated. If random folks on FB have issues about it, then it says more about them than you.

Hope your horse is ok and whoever scared it steps up and volunteers for the vet bill too!

I'm just annoyed that in 2019 it's acceptable to put complete non truths on Facebook without any consequence.

^Only if you let them.

I'm sure we all hope the little woofie turns up soon. That said, you don't go prowling around private property at night, spooking animals, potentially causing untold damage to livestock.