Lying ...

[MrsBrentford]

Stepkids are staying.

Generally get on with them fine, they are 13 and 15, so I admit I struggle with two (moody) teenage girls, who can be a bit huffy and rude as my own children are now adults (and I probably more tolerant with my SK than I was with my own as I am cautious). I have been around for 10 years.

I try to stay out of things as much as possible and sometimes struggle with the strict rules DH tried to dictate to me and my own children are now non existent and he is an utter hypocrite - another story.

One bugbear I do have and I find unacceptable is lying. Both girls have always lied without thinking twice but they are also told not to tell us things by their mother or to lie to us about stuff so I do wonder if that boundary is blurred for them.

Yesterday we took them clothes shopping with Christmas money (their choice) and I bought myself a couple of tops (completely unlike anything they bought for themselves) and the tops were put into the shopping bag with their stuff.

This morning I remembered I hadn’t taken the tops and went into their room and asked if I could please have them out of the bag, DSD1 said “oh that black one and that grey one?” I said “yes”. They were both dressed.

I found one but not the other and thought “that’s a bit weird” and thought I’d ask DH when he got out of the shower.

Two minutes later DSD1 knocks on my door and says “this one” holding out the top which had no labels on it and was warm and had clearly been worn (DSD is taller and broader than me).

She said “yeah I found it under the bed” I said “really? It looks like it’s been worn to me - did you have it on?” “Yes” she said.

OH brushed it aside but what really pisses me off is the blatant lying. Fine if she made a mistake (I am unsure how) but don’t then lie about it.

I know this is a petty gripe but I am so sick of keeping my mouth shut.

But they're not axe murderers? They seem fairly normal...!

There's a hell of a lot of projecting going on this thread some of you must have terrible experiences as stepchildren!?! Lots of evil stepmother shit here! You have every right to be upset but you well and truly never should've let your partner dictate strict rules to your own children

Victoria Gillick no longer wanted her name associated with the guidelines That is a myth.

No one uses her name anymore. Wrong.

They are the exact same thing, they are now referred to as the Fraser Guidelines (he was the judge in that case) As you are clearly too arrogant to read the link that I posted above from the CQC, allow me to quote from it:

When consenting children to medical treatment, the terms ‘Gillick competence’ and ‘Fraser guidelines’ are frequently used interchangeably despite there being a clear distinction between them

Gillick competence is concerned with determining a child’s capacity to consent. Fraser guidelines, on the other hand, are used specifically to decide if a child can consent to contraceptive or sexual health advice and treatment

You're very convinced you're in the right, despite evidence to the contrary, aren't you, OP? Yet you're on here slagging off a teenager for refusing to admit to a mistake

YANBU, you're getting such a hard time here OP. Of course it's not ok for someone to wear your brand new top without asking and stretch it. She knew this which is probably why she lied. The hot choc thing I totally agree with you but i suspect it might be better for you not to get involved. A 500g tub lasts a winter in this house! And who adds sugar to hot choc?? Sorry for cliche but it's really no wonder there's an obesity crisis when the majority opinion on here is that that's perfectly normal.

T h I would be worried about any situation where a child wants to hide their health issues to their parent.

It sounds to me like you just don't like either of them. You talk about them with such disdain and gives of resentment.
I am also getting slight hints of fat shaming, based on your multiple comments about how small the top was for the one who wore it that she actually managed to stretch it? This implies that you think she's huge?
Not nice

She can go to the GP alone yes, but she cannot access medical treatment without her parents consent

That is totally untrue (I am a GP). Do you always talk out of your arse?

A child who is Gillick competent can access any treatment without parental consent. Strictly speaking, Gillick competence only applies to consenting to treatment, not to refusing it but, in practice, the distinction is rarely applied.

In response to pp saying that OP's getting criticised because shes a stepmom, far from it. I think she has extra leeway and consideration. If she were their mum, this blatant dislike would be much more unsettling. As it is, I've just tried to give advice that would make her life easier and lower her blood pressure (metaphorically)

in extreme circumstances she can have a termination at 15 without her parents knowing). Wrong.

You can provide contraceptive, abortion35 and STI advice and treatment,
without parental knowledge or consent, to young people under 16
provided that:
a they understand all aspects of the advice and its implications
b you cannot persuade the young person to tell their parents or to
allow you to tell them
c in relation to contraception and STIs, the young person is very likely
to have sex with or without such treatment
d their physical or mental health is likely to suffer unless they receive
such advice or treatment, and
e it is in the best interests of the young person to receive the advice
and treatment without parental knowledge or consent.

No mention of extreme circumstances there.

No one in Children’s Services or in CAMHS refers to Gillick competences anymore and you would look like an idiot if you did so in a CP conference.

I have facilitated 15 yr old girls having a medical termination, legally.

I am not wrong.

Am I the only one 🤣 at this thread now considering the title 🤣

I try to stay out of things as much as possible and sometimes struggle with the strict rules DH tried to dictate to me and my own children are now non existent and he is an utter hypocrite - another story

@MrsBrentford this worries me far more than the incident with your top. How could you be with this man who dictated to you and your children with his strict rules?

I try to stay out of things as much as possible and sometimes struggle with the strict rules DH tried to dictate to me and my own children are now non existent and he is an utter hypocrite - another story

@MrsBrentford this worries me far more than the incident with your top. How could you be with this man who dictated to you and your children with his strict rules?

I try to stay out of things as much as possible and sometimes struggle with the strict rules DH tried to dictate to me and my own children are now non existent and he is an utter hypocrite - another story

@MrsBrentford this worries me far more than the incident with your top. How could you be with this man who dictated to you and your children with his strict rules?

Right from your opening post the issue seems to be your husband has one set of rules for you and your kids and another for his.
If his rules were unfair to your children you should have made a clear cut decision when it was going on
You probably need to talk to them about how they feel about this
If he's unfair to you then why do you stay?
I get this is a last straw and by definition they are little insignificant things but you have a lot of baggage going back 10 years that has very little to do with hot chocolate and stretched tops

ffs do you mean people trying on clothes in a shop or something else? When I buy clothes I rummage on the rails for one that looks fresh. If someone has slipped it on before me to try it out for size it doesn't make me think it isn't new. Or is there any something about even the new five pack of M&S specials I should know?

Oh it’s this OP. The bus money one.

Am I right in thinking that your step daughters are missing school, can’t get to school, and the thing bothering you is hot chocolate?

No one in Children’s Services or in CAMHS refers to Gillick competences anymore and you would look like an idiot if you did so in a CP conference.

Could you explain this to every other children and CAHMS services across the country?
They seem to have missed the memo.
And when did this occur?

No one in Children’s Services or in CAMHS refers to Gillick competences anymore

LOL. I think this will come as news to the CQC - www.cqc.org.uk/sites/default/files/Brief_guide_Capacity_and_consent_in_under_18s%20v3.pdf

The Fraser guidelines only apply to sexual health services. Gillick competence can apply to any medical issue, e.g. a blood transfusion.

Oh for god's sake lighten up, it's really not that big a deal! If you carry on like this they will start to hate you (I'm feeling it already!). You should have just said e.g. oi cheeky that's mine!!! Try and make an effort to bond, you sound very dour.

I don’t know much bout Gillick Competencies or what it’s called now but my daughters right for privacy over their own health generally trumps mine or her dads right to know (unless it was life threatening or similar).

Seeing as we are all so wrong, how about some links to this? Because this seems to have missed a lot of people out. And I am sure the dr's and SW's would love to have up-to-date information.
As a parent, I would also love to read this info.

No one in my LA would use that term.

I cannot speak for anyone else’s 🤷‍♀️

@MrsBrentford Mon 30-Dec-19 19:05:22
And am now a social worker.

Presumably not in children services!? That would be really worrying!