AWBU to want some control over how our children spend "their" money?

[Watchagotcha]

We have two DSs aged 12 and 9. We live overseas, so Christmas and birthday presents from relatives are increasingly money / vouchers. Because DS1 has his birthday a couple of days after Christmas, he's received over 250 euros from various relatives and friends!!

He is dead set on spending lots of it - mostly on plastic tat that we generally refuse to buy him. Bobble head Star Wars figurines, Harry Potter stuff etc. Also games / v-bucks and sweets, etc. He is very opposed to us putting any of it away as "savings" as he thinks (correctly) that he won't just have free access to it after that.

He doesn't have his own bank account, but we are going to open one asap (12 is the youngest age to have one where we live). It will have mobile banking so he can always see his balance and - importantly - where it's being spent.

Are we BU in not just letting him blow 250 euros on plastic crap and sweets? I know IABU referring to the things that he chooses to buy like that and unfair to him, so I am really trying to button my lip in that respect. His stance is that people have given him money to be spent on presents (his cards from grandparents generally do say "spend this on something you like") and it's not meant to be saved. DH and I feel it's a great time for him to start off with a pot of money, that we can add to with pocket money over time, and he can learn to spend / save sensibly.

AWBU? How do you manage (or not) what your children spend gift money on?

YABU = you don't get to decide what a 12 year old does with money that has been given to him by family and friends, let him spend it as he likes
YANBU = you do get to say No to spending 250 euros on plastic tat, and insisting that at least some of it is put away as savings

So I made a decision that Christmas and birthday money is SUPPOSED to be for things you wouldn’t normally have. I spent my entire load on books in one go this year and it made me so happy

That made me smile 🙂 I asked DP for an Amazon voucher last year and spent it all on stuff for my business. So this year I decided it was a present for me so I spent the lot in the Kindle store! Like you it made me dead happy and it was a lot of fun pressing "buy now" like a batshit bookworm

It's his money, not yours. How will he learn to manage his finances properly if you control it all the time? It's a great way for them to learn the value of things and budgeting.

This.

I'd rather my DC made their frivolous spending mistakes aged 12 with £250 than age 18 with a £5k loan.

My DC have had pocket money from age 6 for this very reason.

Alongside that giving them their own money is in fact a brilliant way of controlling frivolous spending and begging me to buy them things. Every time my DC want to buy a magazine / toy / piece of tat in a gift shop, I say yes but that it has to come from their own money. And about 95% of the time they don't buy it.

Oh and regarding environment, by age 12 I imagine you have already educated your DC on the impact of plastic as has school. My (much younger) DC will buy plastic toys but generally only things that will last and hold value for resale eg Lego, or second hand things.

My parents taught me good habits for spending and saving so let me do what I liked. By 12 I was buying all my own clothes (leisure wear-not uniform or essentials) using a monthly allowance. My parents didn’t interfere.

I think you can advise and encourage him to save some of the money, but you cannot insist. It was a gift to him.

I would never allow my kids to gamble away money apart from once every few years on 2p slot machines. Children are too young to gamble online surely?

It's not gambling I don't think, it's virtual money that can be used to buy 'skins' which are costumes for your online character. I think to also buy other things to enhance the game.

I don't personally like it though and try to limit to a couple of times a year.