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AIBU?

If you don't climax from sex, would PE bother you?

186 replies

SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 11:09

If you don't climax from penetrative sex, would a man suffering from Premature Ejaculation bother you?

(YABU - it would not bother you
YANBU - it would bother you).

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Am I being unreasonable?

845 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
44%
You are NOT being unreasonable
56%
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 29/12/2019 19:46

Not really relevant, but my husband wants to know why I'm sighing and glaring at him!

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Softskin88 · 29/12/2019 19:47

PE happens with DH if we haven’t “done it” in a while. Regular sex
Means longer lasting.

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EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 29/12/2019 19:47

i think it’s best you move on from this relationship

You have told him what you like and he ignored you. Some men are not to bothered if their partner is going to climax. Can’t blame his previous partners for his lack of skills. When I have a new partner I take notice of what they like and most my partners have done the same.

If he has got to mid 40’s and isn’t aware of this and isn’t interested when you do inform him then why waste your time.

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Lippy1234 · 29/12/2019 19:53

I’d move on too if the sex isn’t good. I think you either click on bed or you don’t.

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ffswhatnext · 29/12/2019 20:11

I would dump your guy. Life really is too short for dull sex. I'm there for my needs met and if they aren't then so long.

However, my ex had issues and wouldn't address them. I spent far too many years sexually deprived and feeling shit because of the rejection. Not just physical rejection. But that he didn't care enough to address it.Not a chance I am going through that again. Before this, he used to enjoy sex.

Since then, I've been with a few guys with PE. Never been left unsatisfied. Has some amazing orgasms from them and a guy who cannot keep it up.

They are aware though and lots of alternatives used. They enjoy that element of closeness you have when you're both satisfied.

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ValancyRedfern · 29/12/2019 20:15

It wouldn't bother me if he made sure he made me come in other ways (which I'd expect any man to do PE or not as I never climax through penetrative sex alone).

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 20:40

I come from PIV in about 40 seconds if the situation is right.

Missed this comment before; fk, no wonder you're merry.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 20:43

Sorry just to say again I'm not in a relationship with him now, this is retrospective (was in my mind).

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 20:43

*on my mind

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Jenala · 29/12/2019 20:54

He sounds like an arsehole OP, and an arsehole that has never heard of a clitoris!! Imagine being surprised when you said you could climax without any penetration at all Grin

I'm interesting in pp who have said they don't climax from PIV. Silly question but what exactly does that mean? I can climax during PIV sometimes, however if we have the positioning right so other... parts... are getting some stimulation at the same time as PIV then I almost always will. But that's not technically from just the PIV iyswim. Do some of you never ever climax once PIV is happening regardless of position?

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 20:57

@PermanentTemporary

Ah, I see.

I had to have sex with people I didn't give a crap about emotionally before I could get bossy enough

I understand this - it's ridiculous but sometimes when you care about someone and are in an apparently serious relationship and have a lot of interaction; it's hard to be assertive/remotely critical/bossy etc in something so intimate. It should be the opposite but ....

You don't want to hurt their feelings, offend them, you don't want discord ... And for me, when I think they're bored, not turned on and their perserverence is being tried, I always tend to let it go. The more I'm aware of not climaxing, the less likely I am to.

I've never tried being "bossy" with casual/unemotional partners though, mostly because I've hardly had any (and I wouldn't have felt particularly comfortable with it anyway. I've been in serious relationships since 25/26 and was so young, tense, inexperienced, and pornified (I felt I had to blow them away (pun intended) had to be sexy, had to be great in bed, skilled etc.) before that I wouldn't have communicated much or been assertive.

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PermanentTemporary · 29/12/2019 20:57

TMI post

Yeah I have never come from piv in any position, and if I'm having clitoral stimulation, adding internal stimulation of any kind reduces my arousal.*

*I'm working on this and a couple of times have now come normally for me with finger stimulation of the clit plus a toy inserted.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 21:00

Do some of you never ever climax once PIV is happening regardless of position?

Unfortunately that's a hand raised for me (to date anyway).

Though when I tried to get a partner to do coital alignment technique and more grinding, it was awkward, we couldn't seem to get it and then he said that he couldn't climax from grinding anyway and would always want to go back to thrusting Hmm.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 21:03

if I'm having clitoral stimulation, adding internal stimulation of any kind reduces my arousal.

Glad you said that, I only found one other woman talking about it when I googled, wondering if I'm a freak.

Also tmi but any penetration when masturbating seems to totally detract from sensation, actually feel almost numb in clitoral area. No problem whatsoevef without any penetration. Was also thinking of practicing with small vibe or something to see if there any way around it.

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Menora · 29/12/2019 21:04

If you go on top and tell them not to lie there and you do what you want to this usually works 😂

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Jenala · 29/12/2019 21:04

It's interesting how different we all are! Hope you didn't mind me asking. So many men need to remember that all women are different. I honestly think as teenagers they know about sex and fingering (which is possibly the worst word in the world) and never ever bother or care to learn about anything else. There's nothing worse than fingers going straight in bleugh Sad

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PermanentTemporary · 29/12/2019 21:07

Not for me menora. Believe me I've tried Grin

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 21:07

Imagine being surprised when you said you could climax without any penetration at all grin

Seriously I do think a good portion of men still believe piv = orgasm for woman.

As I said I kept saying penetration did not make me climax but he kept using his finger during oral (fingering) and barely doing any actual oral - I think that's when I gave up with the trying to communicate and build a good sex life.

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PermanentTemporary · 29/12/2019 21:15

Agree. If a man shows absolutely no ability to listen or put into practice even when you are trying to communicate, what's the point?

I met a man for the first and only time a few weeks back. He was actually pretty good at oral if you like it rough - I dont mind for a change anyway. I am quite vocal. Gave a few directions which he largely ignored. After a while he emerged and lay back on the pillow saying 'how many times did you come?'

I mean, FGS. STOP watching porn and talk to me. Men claim they know porn isn't realistic but I think part of them thinks it's very close to real, rather than completely batshit off the wall.

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PermanentTemporary · 29/12/2019 21:18

Tbh if it happens again reach down and grab the man's hand and hold it. And tell him what to do, not what not to do. I dont know why some men don't listen, but some really seem unable to.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 21:55

I have tried to explain to another partner what to do - does not seen to work.in terms of motion or pressure (which obviously needs to cart sometimes as well), I get distracted and frustrated (and worry about how bored, turned off etc they are), the more pressure I put in myself to get into it and build up to.climax, the less likely I am.to. it's like trying to sleep with insomnia or something.

I gave this fantasy I'll meet a man who knows (roughly) how to rub a clitoris without me having to position his finger, show him a motion, get the pressure right (and change it if necessary) etc. In one way I think it's truly a fantasy. In another I have seen amateur vids on porn hub with guys doing v close to what would work for me ... So there must be some out there (?)

As an aside to.yiyd suggestion - do you not think.sknd men dont react well to being told/"instructed" ... But maybe that's a dumping point too.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 21:56

*have

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 21:57

*some men

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Surfskatefamily · 29/12/2019 21:58

Would suit me..I dont like long sex
Quick sex and long cuddles

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Missillusioned · 29/12/2019 22:13

PE isn't 5 minutes of thrusting. That's normal. What isn't normal is the absence of any other stimulation or foreplay.
PE is when they cum before they can enter. Or on the first couple of thrusts.

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