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AIBU?

If you don't climax from sex, would PE bother you?

186 replies

SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 11:09

If you don't climax from penetrative sex, would a man suffering from Premature Ejaculation bother you?

(YABU - it would not bother you
YANBU - it would bother you).

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Am I being unreasonable?

845 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
44%
You are NOT being unreasonable
56%
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:15

It's just so cringworthy and almost seems cruel to raise it with someone who appears unaware and happy with their sexual performance; maybe that why noone has (if they haven't). Also he had had some v sexually inexperienced partners.

Though I don't know why I was concerned about being cruel when he was quite happy to leave me without a climax from our sexual interactions (!)

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Northernsoullover · 29/12/2019 12:16

A few minutes? Is that PE? I would have thought that was ok Blush.
As long as its 'I'm done now I'll make sure you're done" arrangement. If he thought it was ok to just stop they wouldn't be getting a second go.

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EL8888 · 29/12/2019 12:16

@SilverSurfer2020 I’m guessing there were other reasons why you split. So being brutal he is someone else’s problem now! Plus it sounds like he needs to work on his self awareness

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Alsohuman · 29/12/2019 12:16

so not one woman has said to him about it; that's what mind boggles me

As I said before, not everyone is up for marathons. A few minutes suits me fine, I start getting sore or bored. Maybe his previous partners were the same?

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:17

has never made me ejaculate during sex.

Sorry, presuming you're female from your username, do you mean climax? I thought female ejaculation was fairly uncommon. (And I wouldn't care about it as long as I climaxed).

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EntirelyAnonymised · 29/12/2019 12:21

I agree with those saying that it wouldn’t necessarily be an issue if the partner with PE spent time on the other person’s pleasure too.

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Merryoldgoat · 29/12/2019 12:23

Few minutes is fine for me - I come from PIV in about 40 seconds if the situation is right.

More than 5 mins and I get bored.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:24

A few minutes? Is that PE? I would have thought that was ok blush.

My previous partners were all over, say, five minutes - especially if it wasn't the first episode (weird word but can't think of another). He was consistently under five minutes.

Actually I didn't realise PE was a minute/instant.

As long as its 'I'm done now I'll make sure you're done" arrangement. If he thought it was ok to just stop they wouldn't be getting a second go.

He wouldn't have had the patience/perseverance etc to bring me to climax (or help me) which takes quite a while before starting piv sex (and i stupidjy didn't insist) .. after he climaxed, in his own words, he'd have "no interest". I think he meant no horniness therefore no interest. While that's selfish, hes not the only man I've been with who wouldn't have the motivation/interest in persevering to make you climax when he was post orgasm, sleepy, un-horny etc.

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Dipsydoodle · 29/12/2019 12:25

A few minutes isn't really PE. That would be him ejaculating before he even got it in or the second he entered. A few minutes of actual intercourse is pretty normal for an average session really, if you're having decent foreplay. Most people aren't having intercourse for like 30 mins each time, unless their partner is drunk or has wanked so much with the grip of death that he's desensitised and can't ejaculate sooner. Or is one of these 'They love it when I last a long time' guys who pounds away mindlessly until you're chafing and sore.

The not climaxing thing is a different issue IMO. That's just selfish but nothing to do with PE or not. Does he do oral or anything else? What's the foreplay like? I wouldn't be letting him stick it in until I was satisfied in this situation!

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HopefullyAnonymous · 29/12/2019 12:26

Does his name begin with L?! Sounds like my ex. I did mention it, and he said it had never happened with anyone else. Kind of said as though I should be flattered Hmm He also never made the effort to make sure I’d enjoyed it and that’s one of the many reasons he’s an ex.

I agree that life is too short for bad sex. I’ve started a FWB thing with a much older man and the sex is absolutely mind blowing. Not sure if it’s experience or that he’s just keen to impress me but he’ll go above and beyond to make sure my needs are taken care of first. It makes all the difference and I’ll never settle for less again.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:26

As I said before, not everyone is up for marathons. A few minutes suits me fine, I start getting sore or bored. Maybe his previous partners were the same?

I'm similar - not up for marathons (can be boring, chafing, sore, I'm not going to climax from it etc) but to me there's a happy medium between that and all over in three minutes. I just found it weird, esp his obvious self satisfaction.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:29

Does his name begin with L?!

No, plus I'm not on mainland Britain.

But it would be pretty amusing if two MNers recognised their mutual ex by PE and selfishness.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:30

I’ve started a FWB thing with a much older man and the sex is absolutely mind blowing.

Happy for you Smile.

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Longblondeandblueeyes · 29/12/2019 12:36

No wonder you don't climax from PIV, if he can only stay on the job for 2 minutes!

I climax from PIV every single time, but it takes longer than that!!

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Emeraldshamrock · 29/12/2019 12:38

So he rolls on and off after without any foreplay.
Someone needs to tell this man.

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kingkuta · 29/12/2019 12:38

Sounds like the problem is not the length of time having sex but that he made absolutely no effort at all to get you aroused or make you come. Was there any foreplay at all? I've normally orgasmed by the time we get to piv so this would have less of an impact on me. He sounds horrible actually. Saying he has 'no interest' in making you come tells you all you need to know about what he thought of you

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:39

Does he do oral or anything else? What's the foreplay like? I wouldn't be letting him stick it in until I was satisfied in this situation!

How delicately put Wink.

Foreplay was minimal.

He tried oral a small no if times, I didn't find it great. He didn't seem enthusiastic, persevering or skillful. I had told him that I don't climax from penetration (including fingers) but he kept using his finger - which started frustrating the life out of me.
I tried to tell him that he could mix it up a bit/vary it by kissing/licking anywhere in the area; so he started almost mechanically, repetitively kissing the inside of one thigh and then back to vulva, like a robot programmed to do it. I gave up trying.

He didn't seem to really want to do it anyway; I went in strike re giving him oral because in previous relationships I got into the undesirable and unfair position of giving while bit receiving and I was militant about not repeating that. He said he wasn't going to do oral under duress as such, he felt forced by me saying he should or I wasn't going to do oral on him without him also doing it, so oral went off the table altogether. Maybe I should have been more tactful but was too frustrated and a bit bitter.

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Northernsoullover · 29/12/2019 12:41

The thing is once its over for me I've lost interest too. But I wouldn't leave my partner high and dry (!) because I'm not selfish.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:42

No wonder you don't climax from PIV, if he can only stay on the job for 2 minutes!

To be fair I've never climaxed from piv, Inc with "long lasters".

I just found the brevity (and his lack of awareness) weird - though a couple of other posters do not think a few minutes is brief.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:43

Was there any foreplay at all?

Limited.

I've found quite a few men like that, annoyingly.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:46

The thing is once its over for me I've lost interest too. But I wouldn't leave my partner high and dry (!) because I'm not selfish.

I can understand someone not having any real urge to stimulate their partner for a sustained period when they've recently climaxed and are not aroused; but it is still a bit selfish.

Plus if you're too selfish/impatient to do it before you climax; it's not happening, end of.

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eveshopper · 29/12/2019 12:46

Does not sound like PE so much as shit in bed and very selfish.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:48

Saying he has 'no interest' in making you come tells you all you need to know about what he thought of you

He was actually keener (and much more insecure) in the relationship than me - but he's clearly sexually selfish (and I think incompetent) so ....

Funnily enough he is also a really rushed/greedy eater. I always wonder about that correlation.

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lisasimpsonssaxophone · 29/12/2019 12:51

As others have said, a few minutes isn’t PE. In my experience most men will come within a few minutes if we’re just talking about solid thrusting for that whole time... but most of them therefore ‘manage’ things accordingly and go slower or take breaks so that it isn’t all over in a few mins.

A man who just pounds away for a few mins, comes, and then rolls over and goes to sleep is annoying (been there!) but as long as he’s attentive in other ways then I wouldn’t really mind how long it takes him.

My friend is a GP and she says men often come in complaining of PE because they can ‘only’ last 5 mins and she has to tell them that’s totally normal. Sadly they’re too used to seeing the men in porn pounding away for ages!

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shitwithsugaron · 29/12/2019 12:53

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