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AIBU?

If you don't climax from sex, would PE bother you?

186 replies

SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 11:09

If you don't climax from penetrative sex, would a man suffering from Premature Ejaculation bother you?

(YABU - it would not bother you
YANBU - it would bother you).

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Am I being unreasonable?

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 15:47

Also if he were to knock one out (sorry) not long before, would that not help (?)

There's bound to be some kind if therapy too.

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Disfordarkchocolate · 29/12/2019 15:48

I'd be bothered. Well, I was with my Ex. He never noticed either (is it my Ex?).

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allthesharks · 29/12/2019 16:21

The more I have read, I don't think this is PE. I was telling my DP about this thread and he said that if he was just thrusting continuously with no regard for me, he could probably finish in a few minutes. But he doesn't do that. Instead he'll slow down or we'll change position. I think this is fairly normal in most relationship where the man cares about the woman's enjoyment. I can only climax when I'm on top, or from behind with the help of a toy, but I enjoy piv even if I don't climax (I don't every time) because we both make sure it's enjoyable for both of us.

It seems as though your ex was incredibly selfish and assumed that because it was good for him it was also good for you. The vagina is far more complex than I think a lot of men realise. Thrusting in and out doesn't do as much for us as it does for them. But I think some men, including your ex, are oblivious to that.

I hope you find someone who is more considerate and less selfish.

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kingkuta · 29/12/2019 16:31

If you’re just lying there while he’s pounding away at a steady pace there’s no reason to go on for longer than a minute or two I suppose

Exactly this. DH will slow things down, we'll change position etc so it's not just him on top thrusting away. Have you tried getting on top and controlling the speed so it lasts longer & is more enjoyable for you?

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Okbutno · 29/12/2019 17:22

It would bother me. I wouldn't say I orgasm from penetrative sex on its own but it's part of it. So if my partner came really quickly onece inside me it would spoil it a bit.

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Lippy1234 · 29/12/2019 17:22

Does he still stay engaged/involved?

I'd find that a bit off-putting if he was just lying there or falling asleep.


Does he feel fully adequate/comfortable that you (have to) do that, I can imagine some men would

As I said it works for us, we both get to have our orgasm and reconnect. There’s no right or wrong with sex if both partners are happy and fulfilled which after 25 years together we are.

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Okbutno · 29/12/2019 17:36

@SilverSurfer2020 do you mind if I ask his age? Just wonder if he's young he might not know any better? But he actually just sounds like a selfish arse.

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Emeraldshamrock · 29/12/2019 17:46

Without a change of position he is basically wanking with a woman on the end.
Crude I know but it happens.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 17:47

I hope you find someone who is more considerate and less selfish.

Thank you xx

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BonfireStarter · 29/12/2019 18:00

Yes it would bother me. I've never orgasmed from PIV but would still like the man to want to last a while, change position etc

I was seeing someone who never lasted more than a few minutes, but he gave ages of oral and foreplay before so I would come and had a good time. He did acknowledge he didnt last long with PIV.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 18:11

@Okbutno

Mid 40s

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Okbutno · 29/12/2019 18:21

Ok so not too young to know any better!

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Okbutno · 29/12/2019 18:23

So I'd say overall yanbu to be bothered that he was selfish in bed.

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PermanentTemporary · 29/12/2019 18:32

I don't come from piv but I do enjoy it far more than I used to now I've experienced lovers who don't just imitate a woodpecker but who use their hips more imaginatively.

I'm no genius in the bedroom; not terrible either. But I am hungry for knowledge. I am constantly saying 'tell me' 'is that good' 'what are you fantasizing about' etc etc. Constantly. Better still is text sex and video clips where the blokes are forced to tell you and show you and to watch you pleasuring yourself. So it was on him to try to get better - not on you to try and get some shreds of pleasure from your sex life!

I had a lover who sent me his first ever video clip (aged 52) of himself masturbating the way he really liked. Despite constant asking for months, I'd never quite understood before what he meant. Boy, the time we met after that I knocked his socks off. But he was also hugely curious and eager to learn. That curiosity is unteachable and is the one quality I would now look for in a lover.

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StarlightLady · 29/12/2019 18:42

Yes! But ket’s get away from “don’t climax from sex”. There is more about sex than penetration. Caressing, oral, are all part of and not seperate from sex.

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EntirelyAnonymised · 29/12/2019 18:49

Amen, @StarlightLady!

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 19:01

Yes! But ket’s get away from “don’t climax from sex”. There is more about sex than penetration. Caressing, oral, are all part of and not seperate from sex.

I agree, I omitted "penetrative" from the title because it was getting very long, but specified it in the op.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 19:03

don't just imitate a woodpecker
Grin

I had a lover who sent me his first ever video clip (aged 52) of himself masturbating the way he really liked. Despite constant asking for months, I'd never quite understood before what he meant.

How come he didn't just demo in person?

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 19:07

That curiosity is unteachable and is the one quality I would now look for in a lover.

Agreed, I also sadly think you can't teach sensuality. And while I've had the odd kiss and sexual encounter with sensual guys; I seem to keep getting into relationships with men who are not (in addition to being selfish). I feel like it's like trying to reach someone to dance of paint who had no aptitude, you could force minimum competence (if they really want to and really try) but they're never more than minimally competent, and it's almost blood out of a stone to get there.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 19:08

*trying to teach someone to dance or paint who has no aptitude.

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Lippy1234 · 29/12/2019 19:09

How long do your relationships tend to last?

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 19:13

Before pp naturally say "why don't you drop them as soon as you realise they aren't sensual or are a bit sexually selfish" .. I take my time getting to know someone and building a relationship before (full) sex; thinking it's the right way to go about it.

But if you start discovering the abovewheb you're already attached, invested and rather coupled up .. it can be really hard to end over it. I tend to think "well his good points are ...., this is only one part of a relationship, you might meet someone who's better sexually but they wouldn't want a relationship or not have he other good, important qualities" etc.

Also honeymoon stage lust, novelty and being loved up tends to make me discount their lack of objective effort (and skill), only for it to become more and more frustrating and annoying later.

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Arnoldthecat · 29/12/2019 19:16

I thought he was the president of Argentina...

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PermanentTemporary · 29/12/2019 19:19

Demoing in person - several reasons I think. One was that we were doing other things Grin - we only met rarely so he wanted to touch me or for me to touch him more than him doing it. Also if he did want to use his own hand, it was to add something to what I was doing, which made the pattern different. Also I guess it's true that most men are more varied in their masturbatory technique than women - or maybe just me; I need to be in the right position, the right single technique, the right head space to some extent - men seem to manage a lot more range. I have only had three men actually manage to make me come, all in the past year, with a lot of coaching from me - I had to have sex with people I didn't give a crap about emotionally before I could get bossy enough. There were options he was quite happy with. But he'd never had someone study intensively what he did when he was really turned on and try to reproduce it - just the fact that I did that was exciting for him I think.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 19:32

How long do your relationships tend to last?

Few months (shortest).to 7 years (longest).

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