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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you don't climax from sex, would PE bother you?

186 replies

SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 11:09

If you don't climax from penetrative sex, would a man suffering from Premature Ejaculation bother you?

(YABU - it would not bother you
YANBU - it would bother you).

OP posts:
changeorendure · 29/12/2019 14:03

I was married to a man who came very quickly. I liked it as I didn't really enjoy penetrative sex.

However, having recently had a relationship with a guy where I did really, really enjoy penetrative sex, it made me realise that I was just having overall crap sex with my husband. Turns out I do enjoy penetrative sex, though I don't come from it. I wouldn't like to have another relationship with a man who came quickly.

Sparkle567 · 29/12/2019 14:03

Actually this thread has surprised me with the no of pp saying a few mins is "normal" so that's an eye opener ... I had never encountered that with previous partners. If anything it went in too long

I agree OP, I wouldn’t be happy with a few mins PIV. I prefer much longer and a man that can purposely hold back.
PIV is not the end game for me, it’s just part of the whole thing.
I’d be asking why is he cuming so quick and leaving me unsatisfied even if he can repeat

HildaRumpole · 29/12/2019 14:06

Ah yes, but it does sound as though he was a shit shag, but not because of how long he lasted....

Zaphodsotherhead · 29/12/2019 14:08

I had one chap who proudly announced 'I can go on for twenty minutes' whilst pounding away (largely pointlessly) on top. He was convinced that I was going to turn into some multi-orgasmic ejaculator just because he could last for 20 minutes.

I just said 'why?' I know my body best, know what will make me orgasm, know that I am NOT multi orgasmic nor do I ejaculate. He just thought if he pounded away for long enough I'd miraculously discover that I was a sex goddess.

In fact, I was just bored. A few minutes is perfect for me. Any longer and I start wondering if I've put the dishwasher on.

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 14:12

Maybe he thought if there was no talk or instruction otherwise, then what he was doing was fine

As above, I tried to communicate how to do oral on me and tried to tell him how to touch me ... He did not touch me the way I let him know would have the best chance of orgasm (having done something approaching it very briefly and spontaneously in a car) and the oral "guidance" was a disaster. He didn't really seem to want to do it, was mechanical, and kept fingering me - when I said I wouldn't come from that and it wasn't doing anything much for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 14:13

He was also aware I wasn't climaxing.
I told him I had never done so from piv.

OP posts:
Blueskywhy · 29/12/2019 14:14

Never had an orgasm from PIV. PIV for a few minutes is often enough for me, but sometimes it's nice to be longer too.

For me PE would be a few seconds? 30 seconds?

eveshopper · 29/12/2019 14:15

If you read (even just my posts in) this thread, you wouldn't be asking that question

Well I did ask it, so perhaps you were not clear about whether you have actually sat down and spoken to him? With the exception of the post above (made after mine) there is no indication that you discussed it at all, other than you telling him what to do during oral. I meant have you say and spoken about it outside of the bedroom?

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 14:16

Maybe he was oblivious, cos actually he doesn’t have a problem - he’s just not suited to you.

Most women can't climax from piv. He didn't know how to stimulate a woman to orgasm manually or orally so I'd say he actually does have a problem.

Not that it's a problem I haven't encountered elsewhere too.

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 14:21

And a sling as there’s been ample warm up, it’s plenty for me

Was wondering how the sling was involved until I realised its a typo Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 14:24

For me PE would be a few seconds? 30 seconds?

I've discovered through this thread that technically, you're right.

I must have somehow encountered a string of slow shaggers before him Confused.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2019 14:26

having done something approaching it very briefly and spontaneously in a car)

I have read this sentence over and over again. Help.

BonnyConnie · 29/12/2019 14:31

I honestly couldn’t tell you how long we have sex for. It must be longer than a minute but less than an hour but beyond that I have no idea. Could be three minutes or thirty. Maybe he’s the same and doesn’t realise it’s only a few minutes hence not seeing the issue?

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 14:32
Grin

He did not touch me the way I let him know would have the best chance of orgasm (having done something approaching it very briefly and spontaneously in a car)

He briefly, spontaneously touched me (rubbed me between the legs) in a way that could lead to orgasm for me - if sustained and with a bit more pressure towards the end - once in a car.

In spite of being told the above "I could come from that if you kept it up etc" - he never repeated it.

Wtf

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 14:34

It must be longer than a minute but less than an hour but beyond that I have no idea.

Are you drugged during this? Wink

OP posts:
BonnyConnie · 29/12/2019 14:35

Also worth considering the kind of PIV. If you’re just lying there while he’s pounding away at a steady pace there’s no reason to go on for longer than a minute or two I suppose.

BonnyConnie · 29/12/2019 14:36

@SilverSurfer2020 no, I just have a very poor sense of time and never check before/afterwards, don’t have music on etc to mark the time. I usually fall asleep immediately afterwards so that doesn’t help either.

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2019 14:37

I honestly couldn’t tell you how long we have sex for.

Do you think he’d mind if you introduced a fit bit into your sex life?

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 14:44

@BonnyConnie

As long as you're not being roofyed, I'm happy. Wink

Incidentally, if you have no concept of time during sex, that's be a great way to get a long haul flight in; it's just affording one of those first class cabin things ..

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 14:45

*that'd be

OP posts:
Straycatstrut · 29/12/2019 15:06

I don't climax from PIV sex unless I've had lots of stimulation and built up beforehand and that finishes me off - just work it that way.

My ex have VVVVV PE though and he made such a fuss about it that I ended up not wanting to have sex with him because he'd just lay there whinging about it afterwards - such a flipping mood killer.

Thismummyruns · 29/12/2019 15:28

This is me now. OH has never lasted longer than maybe a minute unless under the influence (which is very rare).
I don't even bother initiating because it's far more frustrating to have crap sex than to have none at all. We probably have sex a handful of times a year.
Most of the time he orgasms in around 30 seconds- I dare not touch him prior as it's already game over.
He's not particularly a talking kind of guy so I've never had this conversation but 9 years on I'm still thinking what am I doing but how selfish I would be to leave because of sex?

Vafanculo · 29/12/2019 15:29

Can't answer as I do climax from penetrative sex.

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 15:44

@Thismummyruns

Sorry Sad. This thread has made me realise what I thought was PE is not really, but more like what you're describing.

I think it's unfair that you, and only you, should had to have broached the subject. Surely he is aware.

It shouldn't have been left up to you to broach something so awkward or just out up with it.

If you can, some pp have mention a couple of things - condom, cock ring, lubricant, there might even be medication.

And no, i don't think it's selfish for anyone to leave a relationship for a satisfactory sex life.

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 29/12/2019 15:45

Do you think he’d mind if you introduced a fit bit into your sex life?
That is a good idea. I expect at least 5 to 6 minutes PIV with a change of position or 2 during the romp, it is not like we get to enjoy it very often working shifts when it's on it's on,.