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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you don't climax from sex, would PE bother you?

186 replies

SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 11:09

If you don't climax from penetrative sex, would a man suffering from Premature Ejaculation bother you?

(YABU - it would not bother you
YANBU - it would bother you).

OP posts:
nocluewhattodoo · 29/12/2019 11:43

He just sounds selfish tbh. I can orgasm from penetration and PE would be a deal breaker for me, but perhaps if I found it easier to orgasm in other ways it wouldn't be an issue. But he doesn't care if you've orgasmed, that's the main issue.

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 11:48

How long is not long enough, though? I get thoroughly bored by pounding away for hours.

This is a few mins.

Even when having sex the second, third etc time, it is a few minutes.

He expressed pride in his recovery rate (said proudly that a previous partner was surprised at how many times in a row he could have sex - I thought to myself that she must have been equally surprised by how he climaxes quickly even after the second, third etc time but said nothing. My experience is that second etc sex sessions are longer).

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 11:50

He just sounds selfish tbh

I think so too.

But that's alongside the PE issue and I was curious as to what percentage of women would be bothered by it.

OP posts:
Cacklingmags · 29/12/2019 11:51

He sounds like a selfish sod.

pointythings · 29/12/2019 11:52

PE as long as I've been taken care of - not a problem. PE when he's purely selfish - huge problem. But in that case the problem is the selfishness, not the PE.

SunshineAngel · 29/12/2019 11:54

No, there are other ways for a partner to make you orgasm :).

Also, please could someone help me .. I always see people talking about voting in AIBU, but I can never actually see it. Am I missing it somehow?

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 11:55

When you say premature ejaculation, do you mean that by the actual definition - within 1 minute?

Tbh I didn't realise it was defined as within one minute. This is a few minutes. Shorter than any previous partner.

And is it the case that he is only seeing to his own needs, and not trying to last any longer?

He doesn't seem remotely aware that it lasts for a "short" time. He appears to think the length of time is absolutely normal.

When you say that you can't climax from piv sex, have you ever? Or is it just that you have to chance to when it is ending so quickly?

No, never.
Only climax from (exterior) clitoral stimulation.

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 11:56

I always see people talking about voting in AIBU, but I can never actually see it. Am I missing it somehow?

Maybe you need to log out and back in - just a guess though.

OP posts:
Alconleigh · 29/12/2019 11:58

I only climax from PIV if on top, and far prefer the orgasms I have from oral sex as they are much more intense, but I think it would bother me yes.

BornInAThunderstorm · 29/12/2019 11:59

Life’s too short for bad sex op Grin

Time to move along maybe

Butterymuffin · 29/12/2019 12:01

So is he making you come, by whatever means, when you have sex? If he isn't and doesn't seem aware that it might be nice if you did, then bin him off. That's the major problem here.

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2019 12:03

Yes, it would bother. I enjoy PE although I don't climax

Never heard anyone admit they enjoy premature ejaculation before but hey, judgement-free zone.

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:03

*Life’s too short for bad sex op grin

Time to move along maybe*

This is retrospective, about a relationship that's ended.

The PE issue I found weird & a bit unsettling; both how much shorter it lasted than any previous partner but also his (apparent) total lack of awareness and confidence in that front.

The lack of climax instigated (or even assisted as with previous partners) is a separate issue.

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 29/12/2019 12:04

His lack of awareness would bother me. Can you discuss it, buy a cock ring or work of ways to try to calm before he pops.
Talk to him. It sounds like he arrogantly thinks he is doing a good job.
Whip out a toy for yourself. Grin

Emeraldshamrock · 29/12/2019 12:05

This is retrospective, about a relationship that's ended I saw your update.

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:07

So is he making you come, by whatever means, when you have sex? If he isn't and doesn't seem aware that it might be nice if you did

No, and it amazes me (probably too nice a word) tat he was aware I wasn't and was ok with that.

(Sadly he's not the only partner I've had like that though - I'm frustrated (kind of angered I suppose) by the indifference and lack of effort on more than one partner's part re me not climaxing. If I didn't push the issue, they didn't bother. And I got sick of pushing the issue).

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:09

It sounds like he arrogantly thinks he is doing a good job

How can a man climax within a few minutes every time they have sex and not realise that's not normal .. he doesn't watch porn but has had several partners .. so not one woman has said to him about it; that's what mind boggles me.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 29/12/2019 12:11

Yeah you do wonder why no one has ever mentioned it to him. It’s not the easiest of conversations but even so....

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:11

I think he thinks that because he never suffers from ED and has good recovery that he's great sexually.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 29/12/2019 12:12

I’m more a quality rather than quantity kind of person myself. I’m sure l am not the only woman like this

Original poster
SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:12

Yeah you do wonder why no one has ever mentioned it to him. It’s not the easiest of conversations but even so....

Well I suppose I'm another woman who hasn't so ....

OP posts:
jamjarglow · 29/12/2019 12:13

I think I’ve got the female form of PE. A few mins is perfect, after ten mins warm up and a few mins PE I’ll be done and ready for a nap. Anything longer than five/ten mins would leave me sore. Just me? Blush

Emeraldshamrock · 29/12/2019 12:13

Lucky escape OP.
Unfortunately he isn't alone doing this. There was a thread a while back on how many people you slept with vs how many were truly enjoyable. It was on average 4 out of 20. Grin
When you meet someone new be assertive from the go, voice your expectations before you take off your clothes. Nothing worse than a waste of unsatisfied sex when you could have been picking your toenails instead.

SimplySteveRedux · 29/12/2019 12:13

Incidentally the man seems genuinely unaware that he suffers from PE

Oh he will know there’s an issue, between masturbation, varying positions, oral, toys, that something isn’t right. Whether he cares enough to do something about it is another matter. Usually, but not always, erection strength suffers too.

FluentlyExasperatedMadam · 29/12/2019 12:15

This is how the last 10 years have ended up for me. He has PE and has never made me ejaculate during sex. I'm put off making an effort sometimes as basically what's in it for me but I shut up and out up as it's better in the long run and I can sort myself out lol