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AIBU?

If you don't climax from sex, would PE bother you?

186 replies

SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 11:09

If you don't climax from penetrative sex, would a man suffering from Premature Ejaculation bother you?

(YABU - it would not bother you
YANBU - it would bother you).

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Am I being unreasonable?

845 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
44%
You are NOT being unreasonable
56%
shitwithsugaron · 29/12/2019 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 12:58

There was a thread a while back on how many people you slept with vs how many were truly enjoyable. It was on average 4 out of 20. grin

That's a whole lotta crap sex.

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Bessica1970 · 29/12/2019 13:00

Another here who thinks a few minutes is normal and TBH his ability to go again fairly soon would be a plus. Not making sure you’ve orgasmed though would be the deal breaker for me.

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Lippy1234 · 29/12/2019 13:08

I read somewhere that 3 minutes was quite an average length of time.
My DH and usually use sex toys on me, kiss, cuddle, he does his 3 minute thing which I enjoy then I finish off with a sex toy. That seems to work for us and there’s no frustration or resentment.

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Butterymuffin · 29/12/2019 13:11

For some reason I read the above post first time as '43 minutes is quite an average length of time' and was ShockShockShock

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amy85 · 29/12/2019 13:13

Sounds like my ex...the quickness didn't overly bother me, him never making sure I climaxed did

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goodwinter · 29/12/2019 13:14

A few minutes of PIV would be perfect for me - BUT with good foreplay beforehand. That would be the real issue imo.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 13:18

My god the way you describe him sexually, apart from the ED, could be my most recent ex. I had about 3 orgasms in 8 months! He meanwhile climaxed every time. Must have been lovely for him!

At least you had those three, I had none with him. I don't climax from piv and take ages (esp with someone new) from manual stimulation (usually with me leading/being assisted) but at least I had some orgasm s in the previous relationships.

Not that that makes it ok.

This thread had (naturally) branched off here and there, but as an aside; are at least 50% of men shite in bed?? (Possibly more).

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 13:19

I read somewhere that 3 minutes was quite an average length of time.

Honestly, no previous partners finished in three minutes.

However we were mostly using condoms, which probably had an effect.

(Though I as also using them with him for the first while and there was no difference).

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 13:23

My DH and usually use sex toys on me, kiss, cuddle, he does his 3 minute thing which I enjoy then I finish off with a sex toy.

Does he still stay engaged/involved?

I'd find that a bit off-putting if he was just lying there or falling asleep.

Does he feel fully adequate/comfortable that you (have to) do that, I can imagine some men would not

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TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 29/12/2019 13:26

How can a man climax within a few minutes every time they have sex and not realise that's not normal ...... so not one woman has said to him about it; that's what mind boggles me.

Not one woman, including you. Of course he didn't think there was a problem because nobody explained there was a problem. You mentioned he has inexperienced partners. Maybe even after having multiple partners he was still "inexperienced" because nobody ever taught him, showed him, told him what they liked.

You can't really blame him for not realising if nobody (including you) ever said anything. It's not an easy conversation to have, but it seems you had some sort of discussion about it, so you had opportunity to take the discussion a step further.

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Menora · 29/12/2019 13:27

I always thought I couldn’t through PIV and then I learned I very much could and it depends who you are having sex with

So yeah it would bother me

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eveshopper · 29/12/2019 13:27

Communication is key though. If you don't talk to him nothing will change.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 13:37

Not one woman, including you.

I pointed that out myself and explained that it's truly cringworthy and feels cruel - plus when you realise the relationship is likely to end, you wonder what's the point.

Besides as many pp have said it's really the lack of effort to find out how to and practice making the other person climax, alongside that - that's the issue.

I would've preferred a bit longer to enjoy the feeling of pic, but its unlikely to have been a deal breaker if he had been trying to (and hopefully succeeding) make me climax regularly - or at all.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 13:38

Actually this thread has surprised me with the no of pp saying a few mins is "normal" so that's an eye opener ... I had never encountered that with previous partners. If anything it went in too long.

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EntirelyAnonymised · 29/12/2019 13:43

I hate too much pumping PIV. Any more than a few minutes and I dry up/get bored/get sore. It just doesn’t excite me.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 13:46

Maybe even after having multiple partners he was still "inexperienced" because nobody ever taught him, showed him, told him what they liked.

It's possible.

I did try to guide into oral sex on me though and you can see how that went from my post above (previous page I think).

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Emeraldshamrock · 29/12/2019 13:46

Actually this thread has surprised me with the no of pp saying a few mins is "normal" so that's an eye opener
I think PIV is the end for most women would don't climax that way.
We've had the thrill through foreplay or oral, it is heading for the finish.

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eveshopper · 29/12/2019 13:47

So you haven't actually discussed your sex lode with the man you are having sex with? Why not?

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TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 29/12/2019 13:47

I think less than 5 mins is fine.. perfect in fact, assuming more time is spent on otherwise pleasuring each other.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 13:50

Also I once told him, when he rubbed me between the legs in the car once, that I could come from that (if sustained) and he looked extremely surprised, said "really??" .... And then never did it again, out if bed or in it.

I think he's from the school of men who think a vagina is a reverse penis Nd no matter what you try to tell them about how you might be stimulated or climax .... In their mind your orgasm and enjoyment is about piv sex, end of story. It's like trying to make a tram go off its tracks.

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SilverSurfer2020 · 29/12/2019 13:52

So you haven't actually discussed your sex lode with the man you are having sex with? Why not?

If you read (even just my posts in) this thread, you wouldn't be asking that question.

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TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 29/12/2019 13:53

He was bad at sex because nobody ever told him he was bad at sex. You think it's difficult to start a conversation, maybe he felt the same. Maybe he thought if there was no talk or instruction otherwise, then what he was doing was fine, and as he could perform multiple times in quick succession he thought that must be what made everyone happy.

It's an awkward conversation, for anyone, including the man. But maybe women need to get more confident saying "This is what I like ..." Or "this feels good for me...."

I honestly don't think you can blame the man if multiple women have gone along with it without saying anything.

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MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 29/12/2019 13:54

so not one woman has said to him about it; that's what mind boggles me.

This is why so many men are clueless about what to do with a woman in bed; because so many women are willing to settle for crap sex.

Until women stop faking orgasms, putting their partners needs above their own and being too shy to say what they actually need in order to reach orgasm (which for the the vast majority is not just PIV) there will be scores of men out there whose knowledge of the female anatomy and female pleasure are woefully inadequate but they go through life thinking they're great lovers because they've "never had any complaints".

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HildaRumpole · 29/12/2019 14:02

I don’t think a few mins is PE - I think it’s on the scale of normal for a bloke who’s sexually interested in his partner! And a sling as there’s been ample warm up, it’s plenty for me, I fucking hate them hammering away for longer than about five minutes- and I do climax from PIV sex! But it either happens quite quickly or it’s not going to.

Maybe he was oblivious, cos actually he doesn’t have a problem - he’s just not suited to you.

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