AIBU to be upset with MIL?

[AforEffort9]

I'm getting married this year. I'm from a family of 4 sisters (so have 3 aunts plus my mum, and associated cousins) and we are very close. DPs family are from a small town, all live very local to each other.
I've planned a little get together at my house (2-8 hours away for my family who will make the effort to come for it, 1.5 hours for DPs family) as a hen party as I know DPs family won't want to come on a boozy hen do and I'd like the families to meet prior to the wedding. There will be afternoon tea and some civilised games suitable for nans- mainly just to get people chatting. We've been together for 6 years and our parents only met each other this year.

DP and his brother sat his parents down this year and told them they were worried about how increasingly insular and isolated they are becoming. MIL has given up driving (no health concerns, still active and well 69 year old), relies on FIL to drive her everywhere, doesn't go out and socialise at all unless with FIL. Her boys politely said they were worried what will happen if one of them dies and the other one is left so isolated.

I let MIL know last night about the meet up and she said she wouldn't come. DP and SIL say I should drip feed encouragement- but with a wedding to plan, a house renovation, working long exhausting thankless hours as a junior doctor, I just don't want to take this on too.

AIBU to be offended that she can't even make an effort for this when I have gone out of my way to plan an event to accommodate her?

If your MIL's personality has changed recently then I can understand her sons being concerned. It might just be old age or a bit more eg early onset dementia.

My MIL has recently given up driving, she is a similar age to your MIL. She was hardly driving anyway, and I think was beginning to struggle driving at night. She has good public transport where she lives so hopefully she will still get out and about, but if she starts isolating herself then we will start to worry, as that will be a big change from what she has been like previously.

Instead of organising a surprise holiday to CP, shouldn't the sons and FIL asked what she would have liked within your budget, especially if her likes and what she is comfortable have changed? If she is beginning to struggle with things springing a surprise on her probably isn't a good idea.

Just leave them to it. My FIL leaves the house only to go for walks, metal detecting or to the library etc. He hasn't set foot in a shop for... well at least as long as I've known DH (16 years). He's ex army, used to drive taxis and is most definitely not agoraphobic but just doesn't do things he doesn't want to do. If it doesn't interest him personally he won't even consider it. SIL moved just over an hour away when she was 18. She's in her 40's now with two grown daughters and FIL has never been to any of her homes. We've all offered for him to come up in our cars and MIL goes regularly but he just doesn't want to. Irrelevant that it's upsetting to his DD and GC. They're all on good terms.
When DH and I got married I opted for the local church and reception at a venue that FIL works part time at and I'll be honest, we were both gobsmacked that he actually came to our wedding! The ILs admittedly just sat there at the top table and refused to stand up or mingle but hey, FIL was doing something he didn't want to.

FIL never met my DM, DF, SM and SF til that day even though DH and I had been together 10 years and had 3 kids. MIL had only ever met my mum when handing over GC if they were being babysat.

Marriage is about a couple joining, not their families. It's 6 years later now and our families haven't met since.

OP, I can see why you’re disappointed but I am completely shocked that a Doctor, who is supposed to be caring and understanding, is making some of these awful comments.

It sounds like you have a nice group of people who really want to come to your hen party so don’t worry about your MIL, move on, and enjoy the day.