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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regifted perfume received for Xmas, what should I do?

305 replies

scubadive · 29/12/2019 10:24

Hi all, I have a friend that I’ve known since school, friends for 40 years. We exchange birthday and Xmas presents although don’t see each other so much now. She lives in my home town, I live 200 mikes away.
For her birthday in August I bought her some perfume, spent a bit more than normal and bought duty free coming back from holiday. Tried lots of perfumes, had assistant opening a number of new testers, choose one I thought was her. Not really me, she wears much stronger perfume than me.

Came to Xmas day, I’m divorced so no partner presents and looking forward to opening 3 presents from friends. I was so shocked to unwrap the perfume I had sent her for her birthday in August.

AIBU to thank her for my returned gift?

For context, they are VERY well off. I’m gutted she thought so little of my chosen present and also that she couldn’t just give it to charity rather than regift it. How could she not remember that I sent her this a few months ago, has she done it on purpose?

I sent her a really nice bracelet that I could ill afford. Sad

OP posts:
Kannet · 29/12/2019 10:26

Maybe she just through you liked it and bought it for you as well

Cuttingthegrass · 29/12/2019 10:28

Maybe he’s thought you liked the perfume as you bought it and knows it was expensive? She could have sent with something else though. Or perhaps she did forget.

She may have shit going on in her life you don’t know about?

Try and be generous about how you are feeling.

Wintersnowdrop · 29/12/2019 10:29

What makes you think it’s the same bottle? Maybe she just assumes you like that scent too?

ivykaty44 · 29/12/2019 10:29

She knows you like the perfume as you chose it

Best to say in July (or before your birthday)this next year that money is far to tight and your not doing presents going forward

Alsohuman · 29/12/2019 10:32

Let’s hope she doesn’t like the nice bracelet and you get it back for your birthday.

BaronessBomburst · 29/12/2019 10:33

I dread being bought perfume. I want to wear my choice, not what someone else thinks might suit me, especially knowing how expensive it was.
That aside, it was pretty awful of her to have regifted you the same perfume back.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 29/12/2019 10:36

I wouldn't be happy with this.
Next year, don't bother doing presents with her anymore.

RhymingRabbit3 · 29/12/2019 10:37

Just stop sending her such expensive presents if you can't afford it, I am sure she will understand.

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2019 10:38

AIBU to thank her for my returned gift?

Yes, that would be unreasonable.

You don’t know that it’s the gift you gave her.

PriscillaTheHun · 29/12/2019 10:39

For her birthday, give it back to her! Then she might get the hint! 😂

koshkat · 29/12/2019 10:40

You don;t know the real circumstances about the scent here OP. If you don't like it, regift it to someone else.

Zoecarter · 29/12/2019 10:41

I always by people the perfume they got me as I think they must like it 🙈🙈

MoreSweetcorn · 29/12/2019 10:41

Don't spend more than you can afford in the hope you'll get something back.

How do you know it was the one you bought? Did you mark the box in some way? Or maybe, she just thought you would like the same scent you got her, so got it for you...

paulinespeaksmanylanguages · 29/12/2019 10:42

Can you tell if it is the exact same bottle?

emilybrontescorsett · 29/12/2019 10:44

Last mothers day my mum told me she would love a certain perfume.
It's one I remember her wearing lots of times.
It took me sometime to find it as most high street stores don't stock it. It also cost more than I would normally spend on mother's day gift.
Imagine my surprise when I received the gift back for my birthday!

What a waste of money.
I don't like the perfume.
She had specifically asked for it too.
This Christmas she asked my dd for a different perfume, I told dd not to bother as I didn't fancy receiving that one back as a regift either!

Hahaha88 · 29/12/2019 10:45

Yabu in the first place buying someone perfume unless you know it's the scent they wear. You don't know it's the same bottle, she may have assumed you like it so got you one. And tbh if it's the same bottle you deserve it back for giving her perfume, of your choice, in the first place

Wildorchidz · 29/12/2019 10:45

I sent her a really nice bracelet that I could ill afford

That’s not her problem, it’s yours.

Thesearmsofmine · 29/12/2019 10:47

I always think perfume is a terrible gift unless it is one the person already wears and loves. It’s such a personal thing and perfumes smell different on different wearers.

Having said that she probably bought it for you because she thinks you like it as you bought it for her!

NeverTwerkNaked · 29/12/2019 10:47

Why are you spending money you can "ill afford" on gifts? That's bonkers.

She may have loved it and used it and bought a new bottle for you?

If she is wealthy then she doesn't need you to stretch yourself to buy gifts. Just buy little tokens or do away with presents? Then spend the money on treating yourself.

emilybrontescorsett · 29/12/2019 10:48

Just reminds me my mother has always bought my dcs Royal Jelly bath sets from Boots, even as young children which I always thought was strange.
Dd1 is an adult now and when I looked what my mum had bought her, it was a bigger gift set of Royal Jelly from Boots!!!!
My dc have never said they like it and everyone but it her.

80sMum · 29/12/2019 10:48

This is one of the reasons why giving gifts to adults is a bit daft!

It's better if you each just buy your own stuff. It's difficult to guess what someone else may or may not like: sometimes you might get it right, but most times probably not.

Clearly your friend didn't like the perfume and presumably she forgot who had given it to her. In a way, it's good that she gave it back to you, as at least you now know that it's not "her" after all. She may have been re-gifting lots of things that you've given her in the past, only not to you.

So, if you liked the bracelet that you bought, next time why not buy it for yourself and not for her?

Make a pledge with your friend not to buy each other gifts, but maybe go out somewhere together instead.

Original poster
scubadive · 29/12/2019 10:51

To the posters saying she bought me the same, who has ever actually done this. If you did, surely you would at least put a note in saying “I liked this so much, I bought you some too”.

I have known her for 40 years, was best friends at school, went to same uni, know her very well.

She doesn’t have shit going on in her life, she posts constantly on Facebook. Multiple holidays abroad every year, Caribbean etc, expensive meals out, balls, parties, you name it, it’s posted.

I have been having a rough time, currently going through a divorce, after years of bullying and coercive control. Ex DH not paying properly towards our children but I have no money for a solicitor so stuck in a tricky position. Difficult to suddenly cut down on what you spend on friends out of the blue and also, my friend has expensive tastes so extra difficult.

I don’t want to be the one to suddenly say let’s stop buying gifts as it looks like I’m the one being tight. Really not sure what to do.

OP posts:
DarklyDreamingDexter · 29/12/2019 10:51

I wouldn’t give someone perfume unless I knew they liked that brand. She perhaps thought you liked it yourself, or more likely she just forgot you were the one who gave it to her. Awkward.

Batshittery · 29/12/2019 10:52

Someone bought a bottle of perfume for me a few years ago. It was not a scent I have ever worn and it was horrible. I gave it to a relative.
It seems really odd to me that someone would buy a random perfume as a gift. Scent is such a personal choice.
It's a shame that she didn't remember that it was you who had bought it though.

Thehop · 29/12/2019 10:52

Can you make a joke of it and expose not to buy presents for each other any more?