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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regifted perfume received for Xmas, what should I do?

305 replies

scubadive · 29/12/2019 10:24

Hi all, I have a friend that I’ve known since school, friends for 40 years. We exchange birthday and Xmas presents although don’t see each other so much now. She lives in my home town, I live 200 mikes away.
For her birthday in August I bought her some perfume, spent a bit more than normal and bought duty free coming back from holiday. Tried lots of perfumes, had assistant opening a number of new testers, choose one I thought was her. Not really me, she wears much stronger perfume than me.

Came to Xmas day, I’m divorced so no partner presents and looking forward to opening 3 presents from friends. I was so shocked to unwrap the perfume I had sent her for her birthday in August.

AIBU to thank her for my returned gift?

For context, they are VERY well off. I’m gutted she thought so little of my chosen present and also that she couldn’t just give it to charity rather than regift it. How could she not remember that I sent her this a few months ago, has she done it on purpose?

I sent her a really nice bracelet that I could ill afford. Sad

OP posts:
mcmooberry · 29/12/2019 13:20

Personally I would have to tell her. Mulling over how, but somehow.

HeckyPeck · 29/12/2019 13:21

But having received my gift back I see it is now time to stop.

I don’t understand why you’ve jumped to that conclusion. Surely the logical assumption is that she liked the perfume you gave her so bought some for you? Unless she has form for being selfish.

AnnieJ1985 · 29/12/2019 13:24

@Emeraldshamrock

Yes lots of lovely gifts on Ebay.
Off topic but why is the postage free in the UK and a fortune to get posted to Ireland

Equally off topic - Address Pal from An Post is great for this. DH buys loads of ebay shite items, gets the free UK postage to the Address Pal hub, then picks up at local post office for a few Euro.

Beautiful3 · 29/12/2019 13:32

I honestly would say next month, "let's not buy gifts for each other anymore, as theres nothing we both want/need. We know that we still value each other, without the gifts. I'm going to be making a donation to x charity/foodbank in your name instead."

HuggedTheRedwoods · 29/12/2019 13:32

Maybe she gifted it back knowingly but thinking it a good thing as she already knew it wasn't her cup of tea (or made a trip to test in-store before opening) and because it was expensive and she assumed you liked it, having chosen it in the first place.

Perhaps she felt better giving it back to you to enjoy rather than give to the charity shop?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/12/2019 13:33

You won't even consider that it might not be the same bottle. Just stop gifting if you don't even want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

kenandbarbie · 29/12/2019 13:41

Say thank you and be grateful!

nowaypose · 29/12/2019 13:47

Spending money you don’t have on friends you rarely see is just a strange thing to do. You weren’t obliged to buy her anything at all but if she’s a true friend she’d have been happy with a box of chocolates. She should understand that you are going through a rough time right now and can’t afford expensive gifts.

That aside, regifting the same perfume is a shitty thing to do. It’s possible she just thought you liked the scent so she bought you the same thing but seems unlikely. My guess is she completely forgot the perfume was from you, hadn’t opened it so just haphazardly gave you it. I don’t think she cares about you as much as you do her.

FruitcakeOfHate · 29/12/2019 13:51

I would hate it if someone bought me perfume because they thought I should try something new.

PuppyMonkey · 29/12/2019 14:03

TBF maybe we can at least give the friend credit that she DIDN’T open it before giving it back to you. Grin

If, indeed, it is the same bottle.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 29/12/2019 14:07

My guess is she completely forgot the perfume was from you, hadn’t opened it so just haphazardly gave you it. I don’t think she cares about you as much as you do her.

Without a doubt this is what happened.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 29/12/2019 14:32

This is the reason my friends and I decided years ago to stop giving each other gifts. Our 'gift' to each other is the lack of stressing about it and the money we save to spend on other things.

Friendship is about supporting each other and spending time enjoying each other's company.

bridgetreilly · 29/12/2019 14:38

Here's what you do: NOTHING. Literally nothing. There is nothing that needs to be done, nothing that needs to be said, nothing that needs to cause any problem in your friendship, nothing to be put right. You gave her a nice gift in the summer; she has given you a nice gift now. Hey look, it's the same gift! THIS IS NOT A BIG DEAL. Move on. DO NOTHING.

Spied · 29/12/2019 14:39

I think there's a good chance she bought it at duty free on way back from one of her many holidays as she thinks (as you chose it for her) that you like it.
If she's so rich and didn't like it I think it's more likely to be languishing in the back of a cupboard.

lidoshuffle · 29/12/2019 14:55

My best friend regifting a room fragrance to me that she hadn't realised had been opened and had a good inch gone from it.

I didn't say anything and I thought it was quite funny actually. All we've been through together, know about each other, would do for each other if needed; a silly little present pales into total insignificance next to all that.

Berthatydfil · 29/12/2019 15:21

Give it back to her next birthday/Xmas

Original poster
scubadive · 29/12/2019 16:22

Many thanks for all the responses, they are much appreciated. A bit of a mix between say something, regift it (I just couldn’t) and say nothing.

To those saying it’s a hassle buying presents, I have never thought this, I genuinely enjoy choosing presents and I don’t have lots of relatives to buy for, so I have never seen it as a chore, although getting it into the post is another matter Grin.

For those saying how do I know it’s the same, well it’s just so obvious. Of all the gifts to choose from the very same size of the very same perfume? And also anyone who was so stuck for ideas who would buy the very same gift would be sure to say what they had done, otherwise it would look like a regift. Also what is the point, you might as well both save postage and buy your own.

I just wonder why if spending money on others is not something they want to do, why not stop before now.

Anyway, I will put this down to another life experience with friends!

OP posts:
Original poster
scubadive · 29/12/2019 16:25

@kenandbarbie

Really, grateful for having my gift sent back to me. I should say thank you and be grateful for such an insult from a lifelong friend.

My goodness you must have a funny idea of friendship.

OP posts:
FruitcakeOfHate · 29/12/2019 16:32

She doesn't care as much about you, she regifts stuff. Just be an adult and tell her, no more gift exchange as my finances have changed.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 29/12/2019 17:05

It means she doesn't put much thought into gifts, it doesn't mean she doesn't care about you op. Is she a shit friend in other ways?

TatianaLarina · 29/12/2019 17:12

To those saying it’s a hassle buying presents, I have never thought this, I genuinely enjoy choosing presents and I don’t have lots of relatives to buy for, so I have never seen it as a chore, although getting it into the post is another matter

It’s good you enjoy choosing presents, but you chose a present that wasn’t appropriate for her. So she either gives it to someone else who also might not like it, or she gives it back to you, whom one can reasonably infer likes it, as you chose it.

This is not a great sin in the general scheme of things.

You seem to be making this all about her not ‘spending money’ on you, why are you preoccupied with this? Is that what you think friendship is about? Why do you think the regift is an ‘insult’?

Feelsdeadpeople · 29/12/2019 17:18

Say you’re allergic to this one - you found out when you were buying it for her. Then ask for the receipt.

Kisskiss · 29/12/2019 17:20

Um, a friend got me a bottle of perfume for my birthday one year. It was quite a niche brand, smelt nice.
I assumed she liked the scent ( niche plus not cheap) so I actually did get her a bottle back for her birthday!! And no I didn’t write a note saying anything about why i bought it.

Reading this thread I hope she’s not like OP and is mad at me thinking I regifted ... Hmm

StCharlotte · 29/12/2019 18:01

My Dad told me never buy a man a tie and never buy a woman perfume - unless It's the one you know she wears. Anyway here's my Victoria Woodesque perfume buying story which still makes me laugh nearly 30 years on...

Friend: I'm going to France, as it's your birthday, what perfume would you like?

Me: Youth Dew please. If you can't get that, get me something else.

She got me a hot water bottle.

(WHICH I USED LAST NIGHT!)

GoFiguire · 29/12/2019 18:07

Well someone sounds like hard work.