Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

Regifted perfume received for Xmas, what should I do?

305 replies

scubadive · 29/12/2019 10:24

Hi all, I have a friend that I’ve known since school, friends for 40 years. We exchange birthday and Xmas presents although don’t see each other so much now. She lives in my home town, I live 200 mikes away.
For her birthday in August I bought her some perfume, spent a bit more than normal and bought duty free coming back from holiday. Tried lots of perfumes, had assistant opening a number of new testers, choose one I thought was her. Not really me, she wears much stronger perfume than me.

Came to Xmas day, I’m divorced so no partner presents and looking forward to opening 3 presents from friends. I was so shocked to unwrap the perfume I had sent her for her birthday in August.

AIBU to thank her for my returned gift?

For context, they are VERY well off. I’m gutted she thought so little of my chosen present and also that she couldn’t just give it to charity rather than regift it. How could she not remember that I sent her this a few months ago, has she done it on purpose?

I sent her a really nice bracelet that I could ill afford.

OP posts:

LittleRen · 29/12/2019 11:06

I bought my best friend golden delicious perfume for her bday in January, because every time I wore it she would rave about it. She just bought me the same for Christmas, because she knows I like it. I didn’t for once think it was the regifted bottle

fedup21 · 29/12/2019 11:06

I don’t want to be the one to suddenly say let’s stop buying gifts as it looks like I’m the one being tight. Really not sure what to do.

You’re going through a divorce, I would have said it’s the perfect opportunity to stop buying presents for long distance friends with expensive tastes.

Waveysnail · 29/12/2019 11:06

You dont know it's a regift. She has brought you the same perfume as she thinks you must have liked it to pick it for her. Your assuming the worst for no reason

YappityYapYap · 29/12/2019 11:07

What kind of perfume was it OP?

Emeraldshamrock · 29/12/2019 11:08

Yanbu OP.
Okay perfume is not a gift I'd choose for someone unless it was their usual scent.
My Dsis is in the same position goes completely OTT on a childhood friend, this year said friends gave her a battered imitation designer handbag and a regifted soap set. Dsis only uses genuine YSL bags. Again this friend is earning a professional large salary.
Money makes some people wiser with cash. more tight fisted

housinghelp101 · 29/12/2019 11:12

Maybe she is VERY well off because she never has to buy presents because she regifts all of hers? I actually regift most of my presents, it really wouldn't bother me if people regift mine. I do however have the decency to make sure the original giver will not be the recipient.

beautifulstranger101 · 29/12/2019 11:12

I'd say nothing at all. Then I'd regift the perfume back to her on her birthday.
Instead of being offended, I'd treat it as a challenge- how many times can I send this perfume back and forth and who will break first?

BlouseAndSkirt · 29/12/2019 11:13

I can understand your disappointment, OP.

And at a time you feel vulnerable.

She clearly forgot that you gave that to her. But presumably wouldn’t have given it to you had she not thought you would like it.

You could laugh it off and say ‘haha is that the bottle I gave you?’ If you can be genuinely ok about it.

You clearly take a lot of care over choosing presents, that doesn’t mean you will always get it right, or that your friendship is undermined as a result.

Some people are much more hung ho about choosing presents and don’t put in much thought. That doesn’t mean they don’t hold you and your friendship dear, if they are a good friend in other ways.

Have an ill chosen bunch of crappy garage flowers from me as you are having a tough time

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2019 11:13

I'd say nothing at all. Then I'd regift the perfume back to her on her birthday.

“The gift that keeps on giving”.

beautifulstranger101 · 29/12/2019 11:14

“The gift that keeps on giving

Exactly!

Icecreamsoda99 · 29/12/2019 11:17

As pp said perfume reacts differently on different peoples skin so it is an unwise gift. If she is such a good friend then of course you can say "let's cut down on gifts" (even if she wasn't you still have every right to say it). From your OP about having only three gifts to open it sounds like you want your rich friend to continue buying you expensive gifts and are disappointed you got something you didn't want or may have been regifted. I also would assume she thought you liked the perfume as why would you get someone a perfume you personally didn't like unless they had asked for it?

MamaGee09 · 29/12/2019 11:20

Housinghelp101 “ I actually regift most of my presents, it really wouldn't bother me if people regift mine. I do however have the decency to make sure the original giver will not be the recipient.”

If I found out someone I spent time on choosing a present regifted most of their gifts I would stop buying them gift. It’s so ungrateful!

To the OP maybe she 5ought you liked the perfume so bought you a bottle too.

IdiotInDisguise · 29/12/2019 11:22

Erm... not to derail the thread but have you considered she may have moved on quite a bit in the years you have been apart? I’m certainly not using the same kind of perfume, jewellery, clothes or colours I did back then, neither am I inclined to spend a lot of money sending gifts to people who are far away (and yes, I resent receiving expensive gifts as I cannot contribute in equal form without getting a bit out of financial balance).

Try not to think much of it. But honestly, don’t over spend in sending gifts abroad if it is no longer afordable to you. Nobody is expecting them really, a card nicely written with an update of your year is far more valuable.

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2019 11:24

If I found out someone I spent time on choosing a present regifted most of their gifts I would stop buying them gift. It’s so ungrateful!

How is it ungrateful?

Do you ask recipients in advance what they would like and then buy them that?

I donate to charity gifts that I don’t like/want/need fairly regularly. It’s either that, regift them (equally acceptable if I think the recipient will like them) or throw them in the bin.

MadameButterface · 29/12/2019 11:24

“ For her birthday in August I bought her some perfume, spent a bit more than normal and bought duty free coming back from holiday “

Op you’re managing to afford holidays yourself? And far from cutting down you ‘spent a bit more than normal’? And bought perfume which is a highly personal thing to buy for someone else, big risk of getting it wrong.

Honestly if you have known her that long it should be easy to find something that is thoughtful but fits your budget. You stretching yourself to spend loads on friends is on you and no one else. I’m a single mum too and i wrapped myself a £5 revolution blusher palette up from my kids, it is what it is. I feel like your anger is misdirected. Have you had a big dip in lifestyle since your split? Are you maybe a bit jealous of her?

Stick it on facebook marketplace and buy something you actually want but there’s no need for all this handwringing and feeling sorry for yourself.

Witcher · 29/12/2019 11:27

Unless you outright ask her you cant know for sure it was regifted.. I regift most of my smellies from friends and family... but I make them into a little hamper I'll add a candle/chocolates /wine /face masks/ scarf/ earrings/ depending on the friend and to what they like...

nettie434 · 29/12/2019 11:30

I don’t want to be the one to suddenly say let’s stop buying gifts as it looks like I’m the one being tight.

But you are not the one being tight as you bought her an expensive birthday and Christmas present. I really empathise with how you feel. Presents from friends become really important once you are over the age you get ‘big’ presents from parents and if you don’t have a partner. However, not everyone feels the same way. We also have different ideas about what is a good present. I got an expensive candle this Christmas. I personally would have chosen something else but other people would think it was a perfect gift.

Could you make a joke of it, as others say, and remind her it’s the same brand you got her? You could then suggest that you stop buying presents for each other. In your position, I would still feel a bit hurt and wished she had thought ‘I really must get something scubadive will really like. Things have not been easy for her’. That’s the problem with presents - we all attribute different financial and emotional values to them. She can still be a good friend in other ways.

bringincrazyback · 29/12/2019 11:33

To those who are saying how do you know it was regifted, I'd have thought a clue would be whether the cellophane is still on?

CaptainCabinets · 29/12/2019 11:33

You sound very ungrateful and actually quite jealous of your ‘friend’, moaning about her holidays and trips out. So what if she enjoys herself?

I reckon she thought you liked the perfume if you bought it for her, so she got you the same.

You just don’t sound very pleasant.

dottiedodah · 29/12/2019 11:33

Perfume does have the effect of smelling different on different people though! Thats the problem .Why did she re gift to you ? Many people who appear well off ,can be quite tight ,(how they afford all those balls /holidays etc!) I think to buy something less expensive ,than a beautiful bracelet! Your circumstances have changed .And if she is a true friend wont expect expensive gifts surely?

StoppinBy · 29/12/2019 11:34

I got perfume for xmas this year and I hate it, I can't even bring myself to pretend to like it and out it on when the person visits. Perfume is only a good gift if you know the person likes that particular perfume already IMO.

I would just casually ask her if she liked the perfume you gave her last year and see what she says lol.

Bouledeneige · 29/12/2019 11:36

You don't know its the bottle you gave her. You are in a difficult and emotional place - I know Christmas is very hard after a divorce. But don't let this get in the way of your friendship. And don't fixate on her 'perfect' well off life. Forget it - friendship is more important than the gifts you give each other.

nitgel · 29/12/2019 11:37

just accept graciously and move on.

cantfindname · 29/12/2019 11:39

For people saying they would never buy perfume as a gift.

I worried and wondered about buying some for my daughter this Christmas. I no longer know her 'favourite' as it has changed so often so spent hours researching descriptions on Amazon until I found some I thought might work.

Very nervous giving it to her. BUT... she loved it!! It really suits her and I am so thrilled.

Never going through that worry again though. Could so easily have been a disaster.

MadameButterface · 29/12/2019 11:41

I think if the cellophane was off op would have mentioned it. She seems in a headspace where she is very determined to see herself as a victim despite that not necessarily being the case (eg resents friend’s holidays but still has her own holidays, spends more than usual and more than she can afford but doesn’t see how that is entirely her own choice to do so)

It is a crappy time of year to be single and skint(er than you’re used to - i know many single mums myself included who have not been able to go on holiday at all for many years) and i do get how it’s easy to slip into feeling sorry for yourself, but fixating on perceived slights and nurturing resentment of others is not the way to get yourself feeling better i’m afraid 😐

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Swipe left for the next trending thread