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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my lodger’s partner round on NYE?

173 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 28/12/2019 22:22

An old friend of mine is currently lodging in my spare room.

She has recently gotten involved with a man that I just do get along with. I knew him through friends before they even met and I disliked him from the start. He is absolutely sex obsessed, always posting statuses about women he wants to “fuck”, he disparages my religious belief (I’m a practicing Anglican) nearly every time he sees me, and he just can’t take a hint about overstaying his welcome.

I’ve decided I don’t want him on my property anymore; but now my friend and lodger has become romantically involved with him she has invited him round for drinks before they go out on NYE.

WIBU to put my foot down and say, no I don’t want him on my house?

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 28/12/2019 22:25

Sorry YABU. If it was all evening, fair enough. But just a bit before they go out-I’d either be in bath or go out myself!

BillHadersNewWife · 28/12/2019 22:26

You say you've decided you don't want him in your house...did you tell your lodger that before she invited him? YANBU by the way. Tell her no. She can go to his.

GoFiguire · 28/12/2019 22:26

Get rid of your lodger

2020BetterBeBetter · 28/12/2019 22:26

Can you say to her that you want the place to yourself after 8pm so any predrinks need to have finished by then?

BillHadersNewWife · 28/12/2019 22:27

Hag are you kidding? OP is NOT unreasonable! This is her home! He's a disgusting person by the sound of it. Her home, her choice.

BillHadersNewWife · 28/12/2019 22:28

Better why should she? This man is rude to her about her religion and posts gross Facebook statuses.

OP just tell your lodger that no, he can't set foot over your threshold.

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 28/12/2019 22:28

I decided when he came round last time and didn’t get the hint I wanted to go to bed. He stayed until 2 in the morning.

My lodger is currently telling me I can’t dictate who she has in the house; and I’m replying that I can when I own the house!

OP posts:
Olliephaunt4eyes · 28/12/2019 22:29

I think if you want that level of control over who is in the building, you maybe shouldn't be renting out rooms.

BillHadersNewWife · 28/12/2019 22:29

SHE cannot dictate who you have in the house! Tell her NO and tell her if she doesn't like it she can move out.

BillHadersNewWife · 28/12/2019 22:29

She's a lodger. Not a renter. She may not realise the difference.

Dollywilde · 28/12/2019 22:30

This guy sounds like a knob and I wouldn’t want him in my home either, but if you have a contract with her and she’s paying money then I’m afraid you don’t really have much recourse.

kinsss · 28/12/2019 22:31

Some lodgers think they are tenants.

Ground rules set down from the start is the way to go.

Weenurse · 28/12/2019 22:31

Tell her to move out

VolcanionSteamArtillery · 28/12/2019 22:31

Do you have a contract?

adaline · 28/12/2019 22:32

@olliephaunt4eyes

OP's friend is a lodger not a tenant - there's a huge difference!

Dollywilde · 28/12/2019 22:32

Of course, as she’s a lodger you can kick her out for any reason, so if you care enough about this then you can do so. May be a problem if you want to keep the friendship though.

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 28/12/2019 22:34

There isn’t a contact or lodger agreement, she couldn’t afford to rent a house on her own so I agreed she could stay with me while she saves up for a nominal sum each month to cover the increased gas/electric/water... there is nothing in writing. I’ve known this woman since we were three!

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 28/12/2019 22:34

Tell her he is simply not welcome in YOUR home. She can choose to move out if that doesn't suit her.

Poorolddaddypig · 28/12/2019 22:34

Why would you not be able to go to bed because her guest is still there? I think YABU and you’re going to destroy this friendship. Why can’t you leave them alone to spend some time together?! I don’t get why you’re even there?

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2019 22:34

He is absolutely sex obsessed, always posting statuses about women he wants to “fuck”

You're friends with him on Facebook, despite being unable to stand him?

Canadianpancake · 28/12/2019 22:38

Tell her he is simply not welcome in YOUR home. She can choose to move out if that doesn't suit her.
I'd say this. You are allowed to hold your own boundaries and she should respect them.

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 28/12/2019 22:38

@WorraLiberty not anymore but I used to be. I assume he still does; since the last time he came round he made sexual comments about literally any woman that appeared on the television...

OP posts:
ConfCall · 28/12/2019 22:38

She is likely to prioritise him over you, as it’s a new romance and she’s probably smitten. It’ll be so awkward in future if you dislike him. It’s probably time to ask her to find new lodgings.

I don’t understand why you had to be awake until 2am though. Why not go to bed and leave them to it?

1Morewineplease · 28/12/2019 22:39

Tricky. You can’t dictate who your lodger is friends with but if you don’t want this particular person around then you can only make a generic ban, ie no one after a certain time, but you should have made this clear in your rules from the start.
You cannot pick and choose your lodger’s friends
I know that it’s your house but your lodger does have some rights.
You either ban all visitors or don’t. But your lodger should have been aware from the start.
If you want to take in lodgers then you need to think about the rights and consequences.
You clearly haven’t shut the stable door on this issue.

Babynamechangerr · 28/12/2019 22:39

I think I would send her a WhatsApp / text and politely state the reasons for not wanting this person in your house which are reasonable enough. Inform her that you can dictate the terms in which she stays with you as she's a lodger,and politely say that if she's not happy with that perhaps it's best she finds her own place.

I think a blanket ban on her having any guests over would be easier to follow.