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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my lodger’s partner round on NYE?

173 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 28/12/2019 22:22

An old friend of mine is currently lodging in my spare room.

She has recently gotten involved with a man that I just do get along with. I knew him through friends before they even met and I disliked him from the start. He is absolutely sex obsessed, always posting statuses about women he wants to “fuck”, he disparages my religious belief (I’m a practicing Anglican) nearly every time he sees me, and he just can’t take a hint about overstaying his welcome.

I’ve decided I don’t want him on my property anymore; but now my friend and lodger has become romantically involved with him she has invited him round for drinks before they go out on NYE.

WIBU to put my foot down and say, no I don’t want him on my house?

OP posts:
Honeybee85 · 29/12/2019 02:05

You only have to allow your lodger access to your home and anyone who isn’t can stay outside if you don’t want them there, regardless of the reason. It’s your home after all.

It doesn’t matter that the lodger is your friend; she didn’t bother to ask you first after you told her that he isn’t welcome anymore so she has completely overridden your boundaries by inviting him.
You’re absolutely not to blame for not accepting this cheekiness.

IdleBet · 29/12/2019 02:06

She's not a lodger, she's a friend that OP is letting stay with her.

Tell her you don't want him in your home. If she doesn't like it she can find another friend to live with.

elmosducks · 29/12/2019 08:09

I would be telling her that your agreement doesn't work for you anymore.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/12/2019 15:15

"My lodger is currently telling me I can’t dictate who she has in the house; and I’m replying that I can when I own the house!"

You are in the right. And I think it's time for your friend to stand on her own two feet, you've subsidised her long enough - £100/month? She's taking the piss. Sadly, this does seem to be common, where we should feel gratitude towards someone we somehow stubbornly rebel and start biting the hand that feeds us.

nowaypose · 29/12/2019 15:22

She isn’t really a lodger, she’s just a friend you’re helping out. You’re doing her a massive favour really and she should respect your wishes or move out. The guy sounds like a prick.

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2019 15:24

My lodger is currently telling me I can’t dictate who she has in the house; and I’m replying that I can when I own the house!

She’s not your lodger, she’s not even your friend.

Tell her to sling her hook.

BMW6 · 29/12/2019 16:09

Time she moved out OP. TBH I'd be questioning maintaining a friendship with her as she has piss poor standards to want to be with such an awful person.

Wauden · 29/12/2019 17:44

I'm not sure that she is a lodger at all since you say that she is just covering costs. A lodger would be charged the local going rate.

GabriellaMontez · 29/12/2019 17:51

I'd give her 24 hours notice of a new 'no visitors ' rule.

If she doesn't like it she knows what to Do.

She's a CF.

Winterdaysarehere · 29/12/2019 17:53

Suggest she enquires about his spare room...

CottonSock · 29/12/2019 17:55

She's not a lodger though, barely paying rent. Up it to market rates from 1st Jan. And say no to the guest.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 29/12/2019 18:10

How long has she been living with you paying 25quid a week towards everything?

How long more does she expect to need to live with you?

Surely 1 month of living only paying that amount of rent should be plenty to have a deposit saved for a new houseshare.

Sounds like she's getting VERY comfortable in your house. Comfortable enough that she feels entitled to dictate to you how things are going to go.

Tell her she needs to be out by the end of Jan and in the meantime he is not allowed in your house.

If she doesn't like that, she can always go elsewhere, although I guess she won't find another sucker friend to take her in for £25 a week.

20 years ago I lived with relatives when I first moved away for work. I paid £30 a week. And that was a total bargain... 20 years ago!!!

MulticolourMophead · 29/12/2019 19:12

OP isn't renting out rooms, she's doing a massive favour for a friend. In those circumstance she's 100% entitled to dictate who comes into her house. She's especially entitled to say she doesn't want a sex-obsessed manchild hanging around till 2 a.m.

And also when the actual "lodger" has already gone to bed. I certainly wouldn't be wanting a wazzock like this wandering freely round my home. Once the friend had gone to bed, the BF should have gone.

GabsAlot · 29/12/2019 22:00

Who said shes a good lodger- op was helping out a friend she loses nothing by the lodger moving out

ReanimatedSGB · 30/12/2019 00:07

How did this arrangement come about in the first place, though? Did the friend beg to move in because she couldn't afford a home of her own? Or did OP offer? Some people like doing 'favours' because they see it as an opportunity to control others: the recipient of the favour is supposed to be obedient and grateful, and the person doing the favour gets to show off about how kind and wonderful they are...

ALLMYSmellySocks · 30/12/2019 00:10

I was against you until I read a bit more, she's barely covering her bills let alone paying rent and she sounds like she's completely ungrateful. Why doesn't she move in with her prince charming boyfriend and leave your house in peace?

cstaff · 31/12/2019 19:43

Hey OP. As it is now new year's eve I was just wondering what the outcome was with your friend / lodger.

Did you work something out?
Is she still staying with you?
What are his plans for tonight?

Hope you got sorted. Wine

ButtonandPickle19 · 31/12/2019 20:12

I think you tell her he can’t visit and if she doesn’t like it she’ll need to move out. But it will end your friendship.

Or you suck it up and hope that if he’s the knob he is she’ll get it sooner rather than later and keep your friend

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 04/01/2020 16:35

I didn’t realise that people wanted an update! Sorry!

In the end, he “couldn’t be bothered” to get on the bus so he didn’t end up coming. He supposed to be meeting us at the pub tonight; but since were in a group of mutual friends I won’t mind it as much...

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 04/01/2020 17:03

It's good that worked out, but you now need to clarify the ground rules

A lodger has fewer rights than someone renting
e.g. may not be allowed in some rooms, or to have guests after certain hours

She isn't even a lodger with a contract, just a mate who doesn't appreciate the big favour you are doing her
100 quid monthly is an incredible deal for her

Religion is a protected characteristic, just like race
So of course he - or your friend - can be banned from your home if they ever make fun of your religion there

In fact, you can ban any visitors you dislike, because it's your house - she's not a tenant

MolnMal · 04/01/2020 19:31

Yanbu

For £100 a month you are doing her a favour and she should see that and not take the Mick. It would be different if it was a formal agreement and contract with a lodger paying the going rate, then I would think they should be able to have a partner to stay (within reason and not all the time.)

I had a similar problem, I rented out a spare room to a friend, £60 a week though so more a going rate than your lodger. She started meeting random people from tinder and wanting to bring them back the first night she met them
Which I wasn’t comfortable with. This led to the same argument you’ve had where she said I couldn’t dictate who she had to stay. In the end I thought the extra £60 a week wasn’t worth me feeling uncomfortable or unsafe in my own home with random men being brought back so I asked her to move out.

Our friendship has been better since she moved out and got her own place. I bet in the long term you and your friends would be too.

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 04/01/2020 23:28

Guy in question ended up coming here after drinks at the pub. I made a show of going to bed; and he replied “if you feel anything in the night that’s just me slipping into your bed”

I’m hiding in my room. Feel so uncomfortable, really want to march downstairs and ask him to leave but too much of a wimp.

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 04/01/2020 23:29

I told my friend I don’t want him here,
But just no good at confrontation.

OP posts:
SmileyGiraffe · 04/01/2020 23:35

You dont want her there either. Once that stupid arsehole has gone, you'll not have to put up with his rapey behaviour either.

HelloDulling · 04/01/2020 23:36

Ugh. OP, he sounds grim. In the morning, tell her that he made you feel uncomfortable in your own home, and he’s not welcome. It’s up to her what she does next.

Why can’t she go to his?