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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my lodger’s partner round on NYE?

173 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 28/12/2019 22:22

An old friend of mine is currently lodging in my spare room.

She has recently gotten involved with a man that I just do get along with. I knew him through friends before they even met and I disliked him from the start. He is absolutely sex obsessed, always posting statuses about women he wants to “fuck”, he disparages my religious belief (I’m a practicing Anglican) nearly every time he sees me, and he just can’t take a hint about overstaying his welcome.

I’ve decided I don’t want him on my property anymore; but now my friend and lodger has become romantically involved with him she has invited him round for drinks before they go out on NYE.

WIBU to put my foot down and say, no I don’t want him on my house?

OP posts:
PhilCornwall1 · 05/01/2020 09:04

Best to ask her to find somewhere else to live before you end up falling out completely over the boyfriend.

I'd be falling out with her quite easily. She's taken the piss and I wouldn't want somebody like that as a friend.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 05/01/2020 09:09

Tell her to move out.
CF.

Polkagirls · 05/01/2020 09:14

Difficult to criticise her new bf without spoiling your friendship with her. However - did she remember what her bf said and apologise for his behaviour? She either needs to agree to no guest rule or leave.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/01/2020 09:22

Her not bring able to go to his place isn’t your problem. This is not working out. Please tell her to leave.

Inforthelonghaul · 05/01/2020 09:26

She’s not a lodger she’s a friend you’re helping out therefore it’s your home and she’s a guest, she doesn’t get to make the rules.

Jokie · 05/01/2020 09:36

What's happened this morning @Throwawaytheatre? Have they appeared yet?

I think you can quite easily say that his comments last night and her attitude are the straw that broke the camel's back and they need to both get out of your home. Immediately ideally.

museumsandgalleries666 · 05/01/2020 09:42

Tell her the boyfriend isn't welcome and she's got 2 choices, either they stay elsewhere/ book a hotel room when they want to spend time together or she moves out to somewhere more suitable for them, as the current arrangement doesn't suit you.

The friendship is going to end either way - either she stays and the current situation makes you uncomfortable and unhappy, or she's forced to leave.

GabriellaMontez · 05/01/2020 09:46

Is she really your friend? Is she the kind of friend you want in your life? Is this how you treat your friends?

Chunkers · 05/01/2020 12:26

If you can’t do confrontation, then write her a letter.

I asked you not to bring your boyfriend but you did anyway. I just spent the most uncomfortable night in my own home and this can’t continue.

I would like to remain friends, but this arrangement is over. I would like you to move out by (insert date).

However you word it, leave no room for manoeuvre. Good luck.

CocoMay · 05/01/2020 17:28

Sounds like an awful situation OP. As a friend, the fact that her boyfriend makes you feel uncomfortable should have been more than enough justification for her to agree not to bring him into your home, regardless of any perceived rights on her part.

The fact that he has now made such intimidating comments about getting into your bed is appalling. Unless she is very apologetic when reminded of this once sober, and promises he will never cross the doorstep again, you really have no choice but to tell her to leave.

In the circumstances, I think giving her a weeks notice would be more than fair.

MolnMal · 05/01/2020 17:31

You need to tell her to move out.... be assertive even if it feels uncomfortable for you. Because what’s the alternative? Continuing to feel uncomfortable in your own home for possibly years to come? Is it worth it?

A few minutes of uncomfortable having the convo with her v god knows how long feeling uncomfortable being disrespected and intimidated in your own home.

CrimsonCattery · 05/01/2020 18:13

This is horrendous OP. He needs to be banned or she needs to go.

messolini9 · 05/01/2020 18:29

I decided when he came round last time and didn’t get the hint I wanted to go to bed.

You would have been better off forgetting the hints & plainly stating your wishes. "It's late & I want my bed, time to say goodnight, bye."

My lodger is currently telling me I can’t dictate who she has in the house;
This, from the CF who is only paying a 'nominal' sum toward rent so that she can save? I would have told her that yeah, sure I can - & if she doesn't watch her manners & entitlement it will be her who is banned next.

Has she entirely forgotten what a favour you are doing her?

SugarPlumLairy2 · 05/01/2020 18:33

Oh lawd 😱time to give her notice. She knows exactly what she’s doing and how it affects you but doesn’t care. She gets to live practically rent free and knows you’ll wimp out of a confrontation so she can do she likes.
Pleeeeeeease make it your new year resolution to have her leave. She can go stay at her boyfriends mum place.

messolini9 · 05/01/2020 18:36

You can't dictate who a lodger has round.

Of course you bloody can.
"I don;t like Mr X & do not want him in my home, so you will have to meet him elsewhere."

OP is already doing huge favour that is costing her more than the £100 a month her lodger is contributing. I think the lodger needs reminding of that, & could also use putting a kind friend's wishes above some misogynistic tosspot she happens to fancy.

messolini9 · 05/01/2020 18:40

It doesn't sound to me like this person has done anything so horrific to be excluded permanently

Totally irrelevant.
Op does not like him, & does not want him in her home.
OP is entitled to say so & expect to have her wishes respected.

So either you get rid of a good lodger
OP does not HAVE a good lodger.
She has a friend who is taking the piss, laying the law down like an entitled teenager, & paying less that what it is costing OP in monthly overhead costs to have her there.

mbosnz · 05/01/2020 18:46

I'm a bit worried that your CF friend, and her boyfriend are now going to feel they have complete licence and free rein to tromple all over you.

Fr0g · 05/01/2020 19:06

I made a show of going to bed; and he replied “if you feel anything in the night that’s just me slipping into your bed” - AnotherEmma's Reply: "Please leave now"

Sounds rather polite - 'Get out now before I call the police" would be more appropriate - Unpleasant git.

jimmyjammy001 · 05/01/2020 19:34

If she's paying you little to no rent then you have the final say, if she is paying the market rate then it's fair to say that she should be able to invite who ever she likes around unless you have a lodger agresmdn5in place

WineOrGinOrBoth · 05/01/2020 19:42

I hope you are ok OP. He sounds disgusting.

Bluerussian · 05/01/2020 19:44

This is not good, Throwaway, the man is vile and he is intimidating you.

Your 'friend' must go and see him somewhere else while she is looking for a place but if you have someone, a good strong minded person, to back you up, invite them round to your place.

Good luck.

Scarydinosaurs · 05/01/2020 19:47

She is not your friend.

comesavemenow · 10/01/2020 19:13

OP I hope you called the police on him. He was harassing you in your own home. And I do hope you also get rid of this 'friend' of yours who clearly is not your friend.

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