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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my lodger’s partner round on NYE?

173 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 28/12/2019 22:22

An old friend of mine is currently lodging in my spare room.

She has recently gotten involved with a man that I just do get along with. I knew him through friends before they even met and I disliked him from the start. He is absolutely sex obsessed, always posting statuses about women he wants to “fuck”, he disparages my religious belief (I’m a practicing Anglican) nearly every time he sees me, and he just can’t take a hint about overstaying his welcome.

I’ve decided I don’t want him on my property anymore; but now my friend and lodger has become romantically involved with him she has invited him round for drinks before they go out on NYE.

WIBU to put my foot down and say, no I don’t want him on my house?

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 04/01/2020 23:37

She can’t go to his cos he lives with his mother

OP posts:
Porpoises · 04/01/2020 23:42

Ugh that's disgusting. Have you got anyone who can support you in chucking him out? And give your friend notice that she needs to move out. Someone who ignores your boundaries while you are doing her a massive favour is not a friend.

Doman · 04/01/2020 23:58

Ugh. He's repulsive. Did your lodger/friend hear the comment about him slipping into your bed? How did she react if so?

As PPs have said, you can establish the rules. Explain to your friend that you find him sexually aggressive and do not want him in the house. If she can't agree to that, then you are giving her 2 weeks' notice with immediate effect. It's nothing personal between you and her, just about him.

And as for tonight, barricade your door.

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 05/01/2020 00:02

She heard it and asked if I if a double bed, when I replied yes she giggled. To be fair to her she is off her face drunk. I’ve used the lock on my bedroom door for the first time since I bought the house.

He has a really loud voice and I can hear him putting the moves on her from downstairs and I want to be sick.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 05/01/2020 00:05

When she's sober tomorrow you need to ask her to leave, whilst she's in a 'relationship' with this sick pervert it's going to happen again and again.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 05/01/2020 00:10

How long has she been living with you? How much has she saved?
How long more does she/you think she'll need to stay?

ALongHardWinter · 05/01/2020 00:22

Well,if he's as awful as you've described him,YANBU at all! Although you can't dictate who your friend has as her friends/partners,it doesn't mean that you have to put up with them.

billy1966 · 05/01/2020 00:48

You need to ask her to leave.

You then need to.have a hard look at yourself OP, for you own safety.

In your own house you feel unable to ask someone as awful as him to leave.

Take this as a really cheap lesson.

I think you are very very vulnerable to being taken advantage of and treated badly in a relationship.

Please have a think and mind yourself.💐

Wellintentionedreader · 05/01/2020 01:00

You are not feeling safe in your own home even behind your locked bedroom door and your houseguest is 'off her face drunk' so I don't think she's safe from this sexually threatening man either .
It's going to be a long night for you , I hope you have your phone charged and to hand .
When she has sobered up and has had enough time to get over her hangover , please have the difficult conversation with her - tell her to move out .
YANBU

katewhinesalot · 05/01/2020 01:40

She has a choice. Make her make it.

Lanurk · 05/01/2020 01:48

You don’t ask her to leave, you tell her to. Give her a 2 week notice if you want to be nice otherwise 48 hours. She’s not a tenant and she’s not got a lodging agreement so she has zero rights in this situation.

When she makes a fuss point out that you set boundaries that she’s refused to stick to and then enjoy your nice and peaceful house, free of creepy guy. Also I’d be changing your locks when she’s gone, just in case

PhilCornwall1 · 05/01/2020 08:05

Good god, and she's still there? Confrontation or not, him coming out with that would have got him his arse kicked out there and then!

Your friend doesn't give a shit, so she'd be going too. Using a lock on your bedroom in your own house? No way would I be doing that.

She's no friend, she's just a sponger who'd be given her orders to leave as well.

Why are you putting up with this?

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 05/01/2020 08:23

OP are you ok? I've read the latest update and I was genuinely worried about your safety. You urgently need to take control of this situation.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 05/01/2020 08:29

Kick her out.

She laughed at him making rapey comments? Fuck that noise. Out on her arse.

LIZS · 05/01/2020 08:30

He's a sleaze at best and she is no friend. Horrid to feel vulnerable in your own home. Tell her to leave and you give her a week to do so.

londonrach · 05/01/2020 08:33

Ask her to leave op. This morning after he left

jamjarglow · 05/01/2020 08:38

How are you?

AnotherEmma · 05/01/2020 08:39

Give her reasonable notice to leave. I suggest one week. No guests in the meantime or she will get 24h notice.

And next time, do a written lodger agreement (including a clause about guests).

Upstartcrones · 05/01/2020 08:41

In the nicest possible way you are being a doormat. She is your problem not him. She should be stopping him making you feel uncomfortable in your own home and when he makes inappropriate comments she should be shutting him down. Instead she is throwing you under the bus to get laid. Not much of a friend.

Also she is financially taking advantage of you, £100 per month is a joke. Instead of thanking you for helping her out she is throwing it back in your face. You say she is an old friend so you want to help her, it seems she doesn't feel the same about you. That might be a harsh reality to face but this woman isn't really your friend deep down. She doesn't care what you think or feel.

You need to get her to move out or this pattern will continue to repeat itself. Wait until he is gone then tell her the situation isn't working for you and give her a week to move out.

TheWernethWife · 05/01/2020 08:42

OP, only you can sort this out. After his remark about slipping into your bed you should have shown him the door and not go hiding in your room. All this shilly shallying about is stupid, why did you allow him to enter your house?

AnotherEmma · 05/01/2020 08:44

I made a show of going to bed; and he replied “if you feel anything in the night that’s just me slipping into your bed”

Reply: "Please leave now"

If you're not willing to tell people to leave (or not let them in in the first place) you shouldn't have lodgers.

NigellaAwesome · 05/01/2020 08:45

So you've said to her you don't want him in your house. She goes ahead and brings him back and he makes rape jokes to you?

Fuck that. Tell her to move out. Week's notice if feeling generous. Where she goes isn't your problem.

Misscromwellrocks · 05/01/2020 08:52

I'd be having strong words with your extremely cheeky friend and showing her the door. She's treated you with contempt after you've done her a huge favour. Is she always dúch an ungrateful taker?

leostar1994 · 05/01/2020 08:54

His comments are absolutely disgusting.

The way I read the situation is that you are doing her a favour by letting her stay with you at a low cost. As such, she should respect the rules of your home and you are perfectly entitled to be able to say who you do and don't want there.

I think that this could potentially be a sticking point when it comes to your friendship. Best to ask her to find somewhere else to live before you end up falling out completely over the boyfriend.

plumpmom · 05/01/2020 09:02

Get rid of the lodger. Shes taking the piss. I used to be a lodger and there was a strict “no guests” policy.

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