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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Didn't get a thank you note AIBU

251 replies

lilypoppet · 28/12/2019 13:21

Might have to leave a few details out, because it's a bit sensitive. I went to a family wedding and gave £50 on the wedding list website towards the honeymoon; other members of the family gave money as well. I didn't receive a thank you note. I have recently seen the bride and she didn't even thank me personally. I noted that she sent thank you cards to her bridesmaids, but not to the more general guests. I thought that was terribly rude. But perhaps these days brides don't thank everyone? AIBU?

OP posts:
OldEvilOwl · 28/12/2019 13:23

How long has it been since the wedding? Sometimes they take a while

TheTrollFairy · 28/12/2019 13:24

Very rude I think yo not send even a text

Drum2018 · 28/12/2019 13:24

When was the wedding? Maybe the couple haven't written/emailed/text all their thank you messages yet. However if it was months ago then yes, it is downright rude not to thank you, be that by note/text or in person.

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 28/12/2019 13:26

It was really rude of her not to thank you when you saw her.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 28/12/2019 13:27

The wedding was in November. I know £50 was not a lot, I'd have liked to have given more but it was all I could afford.

OP posts:
AppropriateAdult · 28/12/2019 13:29

November is very recent; IME wedding thank-yous tend to come several months later.

SchoolPanicTime · 28/12/2019 13:29

The time allowed for thank you notes after weddings is generally much longer - some people say up to 6 months although I think that's too long (since the couple are generally off on honeymoon and have so many to thank). She probably can't remember exactly what each person gave to thank them in person. She should definitely send a thank you note though. Some couples wait till they have the wedding photos back and send a nice photos of you/your family along with the thank you note which I think is cute but probably takes longer to organise.

kingkuta · 28/12/2019 13:29

I wouldn't expect a thank you letter from the bride and groom. You're talking about 100s of guests at most weddings and I just don't think it's necessary.

TrueRefuge · 28/12/2019 13:30

We're still waiting on one from August 2018..... That's rude! Grin

I'd give it until March and then be officially pissed off. £50 is a lot and very generous of you, so not at all unreasonable to feel annoyed at no acknowledgement.

simplekindoflife · 28/12/2019 13:37

November is still very recent, plus Christmas as well. Give them a chance!

user1471449295 · 28/12/2019 13:45

November is a very recent wedding. They are probably waiting on photos to do official thank you cards to all guests. However she could have verbally said thank you when she saw you as well

lifibrown · 28/12/2019 14:05

We didn’t get our photos for 12 weeks so didn’t do thank you cards until after that. Think YABU to expect a formal thank you so quickly.

Rosebel · 28/12/2019 14:12

I sent thank you notes 2 weeks after our wedding so yes I think it's rude but maybe they still will thank you after New Year.

Sweetpea55 · 28/12/2019 14:12

I think she should have thanked you, £50 isn't a small amount.
Its a bit rude and grabby

SnorkMaiden81 · 28/12/2019 14:15

Sorry I don't understand the correlation between getting your wedding photos back and sending thank you's to guests.....

isittheholidaysyet · 28/12/2019 14:16

If you had known beforehand you wouldn't get a thankyou, would you still have given the gift?

Did you give because you like/want to help/love them?

Or did you only give because you wanted recognition?

Freshnewus · 28/12/2019 14:17

I would give it another month or two before you are pissed off.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 28/12/2019 14:17

YABVU. The wedding was 2 minutes ago! Give them at least 6 months, if not longer as it has been Christmas. They will not have had time to do thank yous with Christmas pretty much straight after the wedding.

You give to give anyway, not to receive.

chuck7 · 28/12/2019 14:18

I think it's early still. I went to a wedding in August and got a thank you beginning of Dec once they'd received their photos and designed personalised thank you cards

DisorganisedOrganiser · 28/12/2019 14:18

Snork, people often do thank you cards with their wedding photos on them.

SchoolPanicTime · 28/12/2019 14:19

Sorry I don't understand the correlation between getting your wedding photos back and sending thank you's to guests.....

People often include a personal photo of the guest in question to go along with the Thank you note (or just have thank yous printed sing a wedding photo). The personalised photo is nice as I don't often have photos of our family taken by a professional photographer when we're all dressed up so I've liked this in the past.

OneDay10 · 28/12/2019 14:20

Why do you expect a special thank you. I'm sure sending notes to lots of people is unecessary and time consuming. You attended the wedding, gave a gift and shouldnt expect more. I had 200 people at my wedding. Sent not a thank you and no one seemed offended many years later. I have also given gifts, I would expect people have better things to do.

Lochroy · 28/12/2019 14:21

Wow, talk about impatient! They might not even have received the gifts yet.

The bridesmaids thank you might have been thanks for being bridesmaids rather than for presents, which in my experience are written in advance to be given out on the day.

It's not ideal, but I think up to four months after the weeding is not unreasonable.

PooWillyBumBum · 28/12/2019 14:21

We received thank you cards from a May wedding a couple of weeks ago. The cards had the couples wedding photo on and they’d enclosed a few prints of us at the wedding too. Probably takes a while to organise with honeymoon and general life getting in the way.

To be honest I hadn’t really thought anything of it - and we travelled abroad for several days for the wedding and gave them £100!

mastertomsmum · 28/12/2019 14:22

November? Give them longer

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