Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Didn't get a thank you note AIBU

251 replies

lilypoppet · 28/12/2019 13:21

Might have to leave a few details out, because it's a bit sensitive. I went to a family wedding and gave £50 on the wedding list website towards the honeymoon; other members of the family gave money as well. I didn't receive a thank you note. I have recently seen the bride and she didn't even thank me personally. I noted that she sent thank you cards to her bridesmaids, but not to the more general guests. I thought that was terribly rude. But perhaps these days brides don't thank everyone? AIBU?

OP posts:
FairytaleofButlins · 29/12/2019 11:21

The only people I hear winging about not receiving a thank you note is when it’s aimed at the wife and is just seen as wife work

really? Most people would say exactly the same following a gay wedding. It's easy to whinge about "wife work" but it's strictly not true.

I got a (lovely) thank you card following the last gay wedding I was invited to, and signed by both - exactly the same as cards sent by straight couples...

NemophilistRebel · 29/12/2019 11:23

But that’s a gay wedding we are talking here in general about all weddings and the op specifically said bride

DickKerrLadies · 29/12/2019 11:25

Ahh, I see now.

I don't receive presents through the post, only from people who hand deliver so we say thank you when we receive them.

If I received them through the post and knew who they were from I'd probably send an email when they arrived to say thanks.

Personally, I'd find it a bit rude to wait to see what I'd got before saying thank you, but I seem to have these things backwards sometimes.

Inanothertime · 29/12/2019 11:26

It's rude OP.
There is no excuse for not making time. They have a list of people who attended and their addresses (wedding list).
I don't know why it takes some people several months to organise.
The truth is. It's not a priority for them. Rude.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 29/12/2019 11:29

May I ask those who hand-wrote thank you cards and married men, did they write half the cards?

I wrote thank you cards to "my" people (i.e. my family, friends of mine etc) and DH did "his". We shared mutual friends. Isn't that what most people do?

BlouseAndSkirt · 29/12/2019 11:57

It is OK to say thank you in person, by e mail or card / note.
It is not OK to not say thank you at all.

And I can’t for the life of me see why someone who receives 200 cash gifts should think themselves less obliged to show gratitude than someone who receives 10 or 20.

roiseandjim · 29/12/2019 11:58

It took me about 6 months to get mine out

ooooohbetty · 29/12/2019 12:00

It doesn't matter if you gave £5 or £5000 a thank you note should follow within a month of the ceremony.

NemophilistRebel · 29/12/2019 12:01

Within a month? Lots of people wouldn’t have returned from honeymoon!

NemophilistRebel · 29/12/2019 12:02

Some gifts our guest gave didn’t get to us for months themselves

What’s with all this worry about timings?

NemophilistRebel · 29/12/2019 12:03

I had a friend who used to call up in a grump if she hadn’t heard from you with gratitude and thanks on the day you received a posted gift from her

Half the time you hadn’t even had the chance to collect it from the sorting office so didn’t even know a gift would be from her

Absolute fruit loop

kingkuta · 29/12/2019 12:53

greenlavender I have absolutely no idea why you have @ me and called me entitled for saying I don't expect the B&G to write me a note. Do you even know what entitled means?
FWIW I either sent thank you cards or phoned to thank people after my wedding but I care not one jot whether I receive one for someone elses. Same as I don't expect a thank you note for a birthday/xmas/christening/communion/anniversary present. I would honestly rather the B&G didn't waste their money on those photo cards that just go straight in the bin.

Alsohuman · 29/12/2019 12:58

It’s incredibly rude not to thank people for gifts of any kind. It bloody outrages me. About six weeks is the absolute maximum I’d expect to wait.

Southmouth · 29/12/2019 13:08

I do think £50 is a lot, and very generous. But regardless of how much you gave I think it’s still polite to send a thank you, whether that’s a letter/text/call or face to face when you saw her.

Whiskeylover45 · 29/12/2019 13:23

It is rude. Its take no time to make a note of who sent what and say thank you. I sent all of ours out to all guests two days after the wedding. It's good manners and as granny always taught me, and I teach DS manners cost absolutly nothing

Whiskeylover45 · 29/12/2019 13:24

Some people are just bad mannered though unfortunatly. I'm not fussed about written thank you notes, as we have text and email now. But thanks should be given

Yousicktwistedfruit · 29/12/2019 13:40

I got married in October and thanked everyone on the day of the wedding and again on SM but I also sat and wrote out thank you notes that unfortunately I haven’t had chance to post out but I will do.

AlexaAmbidextra · 29/12/2019 17:33

Some people are just bad mannered though

Yes, and many of them seem to be on here. ☹️

Delatron · 30/12/2019 10:13

Sigh. They have three months. If after that time has elapsed and not just one month then you can come back and declare them rude. Otherwise you actually can’t. What if you get a thank you card next week? Not good enough for you? Not prompt enough?!

Well done to all those writing them on their honeymoon. Doesn’t make you any more polite than someone who takes up to three months though.

FairytaleofButlins · 30/12/2019 10:56

most people don't take a 3 months honeymoon, so it's really not an excuse for not sending thank you cards.

As repeatedly said before, the couple found the time to organise an entire wedding - may it be 20 or 200 guests. Funny how they are suddenly short of time to write a few lines Grin

Delatron · 30/12/2019 11:03

Maybe they’re a bit exhausted after said wedding so shock horror will send the thank you cards out in a month or so. Maybe they are clued up on etiquette (unlike others on here) and know it’s perfectly acceptable to send thank you cards out within the three month window.

FairytaleofButlins · 30/12/2019 11:04

Maybe they’re a bit exhausted after said wedding
Grin Grin Grin

maybe if they got married at the top of Mount Everest...

CareOfPunts · 30/12/2019 11:08

It’s rude not to send thank yous but maybe as others have said they still will. I think it took a couple of months for us to send all ours.

CareOfPunts · 30/12/2019 11:09

May I ask those who hand-wrote thank you cards and married men, did they write half the cards?

Maybe not exactly half but he did his “side”, yes.

FairytaleofButlins · 30/12/2019 11:32

so did my DH. We wrote our own cards, then he signed "my" cards, I signed "his".

It didn't take us more than a week to write to our 150ish guests plus others and we were both working full time. You just pour yourself a glass of wine and get on with it. It was quite nice actually.