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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Didn't get a thank you note AIBU

251 replies

lilypoppet · 28/12/2019 13:21

Might have to leave a few details out, because it's a bit sensitive. I went to a family wedding and gave £50 on the wedding list website towards the honeymoon; other members of the family gave money as well. I didn't receive a thank you note. I have recently seen the bride and she didn't even thank me personally. I noted that she sent thank you cards to her bridesmaids, but not to the more general guests. I thought that was terribly rude. But perhaps these days brides don't thank everyone? AIBU?

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 28/12/2019 14:48

If it was in November you may still get a note. Could be on their 'things do on the new year' list. They'd have had their wedding, honeymoon and then Christmas to contend with so quite a lot on. I wouldn't assume no note will come just yet. I do agree that thank you'd should be made following a wedding but I think you have to allow a bit more time.

Genzeee · 28/12/2019 14:49

Thank you notes are very old fashioned in this day and age.

Sunflower20 · 28/12/2019 14:50

Extremely rude.

Mammyloveswine · 28/12/2019 14:52

I just sent texts/phone call/Facebook message when we got married! Was pregnant soon after so planned to send them in an announcement but with a busy full time job and difficult pregnancy I never got chance!

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee · 28/12/2019 14:52

I’d get over it - it is rude but these days people don’t often get their thank yous
out for months and maybe remember the reason you gave the gift in the first place - to give the gift to them not to get a thank you for you.

mrsjg · 28/12/2019 14:53

@isittheholidaysyet is bang on the money.

I have never given a thank you note in my life and probably never will. I thank them in person when I receive the gift. I don't expect to receive them either and care not a jot if I don't.

ClemDanFango · 28/12/2019 14:54

TrueRefuge I’m sorry if that was us. My DF suffered a major stroke a few weeks after our wedding and thank you cards just got forgotten in the chaos that ensued.

hereiamagain84 · 28/12/2019 14:55

I’ve been to 6 weddings this year,give £150 each time and I only received one thank you. The groom usually says thanks in the speech 🤷🏻‍♀️

BoxedWine · 28/12/2019 14:56

Agree genzee, I just find them really outdated and pointless.

FullOfJellyBeans · 28/12/2019 14:57

My Sister in law's Sister in law was like this. Had a huge, high end wedding in an inconvenient location;guests had to pay to stay over, was very formal so had to wear very nice outfit etc and lots of her family weren't well off. She seemed to think because she was having an expensive wedding (the meal cost £X a head) she was entitled to expensive gifts. The thing is the expensive wedding was her choice and because she wanted to show off, most guests would have been happier with a simpler do close to home. She didn't write thank you notes either as she felt it was too much after the stress of the wedding. No one said anything as far as I was aware (sil didn't anyway) but lots of people were annoyed and much less generous when it came to future gifts.

IamFriedSpam · 28/12/2019 14:58

Agree genzee, I just find them really outdated and pointless.

Wow what a selfish attitude would you generally accept gifts without a word of thanks? They're not pointless because they show your guests that you received the gift and are grateful.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 28/12/2019 14:59

£50 barely pays what it costs to have you at a lavish wedding.

midnightmisssuki · 28/12/2019 15:03

My brother had about 800 guests at his wedding.......

Betterbegoing · 28/12/2019 15:03

Goodness. I am genuinely really surprised at how many people think it’s acceptable to not send thank you notes. I’ve never been to a wedding, either all day or evening only, and not received a thank you note.
I married in the summer and sent thank you notes t everyone, handwritten, regardless of whether they gave a gift or not.

Betterbegoing · 28/12/2019 15:04

And it wasn’t a small wedding really. 100 to the day and a further 400 odd to the evening

sayingno · 28/12/2019 15:05

We're still waiting from September and July. Yes, people are rude now.

NewName73 · 28/12/2019 15:06

Very bad manners of the B&G. Especially not to even say anything when she saw you.

IamFriedSpam · 28/12/2019 15:07

£50 barely pays what it costs to have you at a lavish wedding.
This is exactly the kind of entitled attitude that is becoming more common. People don't pay to attend your wedding. They're your guest. Of course you need to feed them and give them a drink or two because they're your guests, they've often had loads of costs incurred by even getting to the wedding in the first place. The gift isn't some way of scrabbling back the wedding costs. People have lavish weddings because they want them and the guests don't usually benefit. (I could get a much nicer meal elsewhere for £50 a head and I'd get to actually choose what I ate!). I think it's incredibly crass to spend loads of money on a posh wedding then behave rudely towards your guests by not thanking them. I guess money can't buy class!

gamerchick · 28/12/2019 15:08

Meh, anyone who expects money as a wedding gift I would expect to be a tosspot over a thankyou. It's time this outdated present bollocks was put to bed. People shouldn't expect anything.

ShellieEllie · 28/12/2019 15:10

We're still waiting from July. We travelled for 6 hours to get there and as it was in the middle of nowhere we also had the expense of trains/taxis/hotel. We didn't really mind that at the time but when they can't even be bothered to say thanks it makes you wonder why you bothered. Rude, just bloody rude in my opinion. I thought we'd at least get a little note in the Christmas card so was waiting for that but they didn't even send them this year - must have been the expense of the wedding!

HardofCleaning · 28/12/2019 15:10

If you can't afford a lavish wedding without using the wedding gifts to claw back some profit and if you've invited so many guests you cant be bothered to thank them all for the gifts then you should have had a smaller cheaper wedding! Very rude!

BoxedWine · 28/12/2019 15:11

Why would you conflate not communicating thanks using one specific, old fashioned method with not communicating thanks at all iamfriedspam? That's very odd of you.

As for the reasons you give for them not being pointless, sending a thank you note certainly doesn't imply gratitude. Especially not if it's the expectation. I guess if for whatever reason the donor isn't already aware you received their gift and you've chosen to eschew other ways of telling them, there's some point there, but the idea that this is the best method is bizarre.

livefornaps · 28/12/2019 15:12

Send her a crap in a box

DickKerrLadies · 28/12/2019 15:12

Meh, I'm not arsed about thank you cards, particularly if people only do them to avoid seeming rude. It's not real gratitude then IMO.

I give gifts on the assumption that the receiver will be grateful. I don't assume that they are ungrateful until they prove otherwise. Personally, I find that rude.

But I am usually on my own on threads like this!

FairyBatman · 28/12/2019 15:12

We sent cards with a photon to our guests so it took a while. Thinking about it I don’t think I’ve received a thank you card or note from any wedding in about the last 10 years. Maybe it’s fallen by the wayside a bit.