Didn't get a thank you note AIBU

[lilypoppet]

Might have to leave a few details out, because it's a bit sensitive. I went to a family wedding and gave £50 on the wedding list website towards the honeymoon; other members of the family gave money as well. I didn't receive a thank you note. I have recently seen the bride and she didn't even thank me personally. I noted that she sent thank you cards to her bridesmaids, but not to the more general guests. I thought that was terribly rude. But perhaps these days brides don't thank everyone? AIBU?

I have voted YANBU, I certainly believe a formal thank you is the correct etiquette but I agree that November is not long ago and your card may still be in the pipeline.

@OneDay10

That's incredibly rude, it was probably expensive for guests to even attend the wedding and then they spent significant money on a gift too and you couldn't be bothered to send Thank you notes?! If you can't be polite to 200 guests then don't invite so many!

I wouldn't expect a thank you note, honestly, it's a pain in the ass to write them all. Especially on the lead up to Christmas.

I'm still waiting for a thankyou from DHs nephew who got married in July. We gave them several hundred pounds but not even a phone call to say thanks - let alone a card.

I think it is rude not to send them, but if the wedding was only Nov then it's possible they're working their way through them. I know it took me about 2 months to do ours. But everyone got one in the end.

There is no excuse for such rudeness. To me, it betrays a really entitled attitude.
When we got married, we didn't ask for anything but we guessed people might buy us something or give money (totally up to them, it was not expected).
I bought a stack of nice thank you cards and stamps in advance. They were written and sent as soon after the wedding as possible and before the honeymoon. People appreciated it, especially older attendees.
It is the least a couple can do.

The last two weddings we went to we gave very generous gifts, didn’t get a thank you from either. It was a couple of years ago so it’s not like they haven’t had time.
Seems some people don’t bother these days. Very rude.

Why do you say in your op that perhaps brides don’t thank everyone rather than the couple? Why should it be down to just the bride?

November is very recent- give them a chance. You sound very uptight.

They might have done separate ones for bridesmaids or be waiting for the photos for cards but personally I think it's rude to not get them done ASAP.

Wow some people are so rude and entitled. I do think it's a slightly modern thing people thing that it's such an honour to travel miles, buy an outfit and expensive gift to attend their wedding they don't deserve a thank you note. Even if 300 people attended your wedding it wouldn't take more than an afternoon to sit down and write thank you notes. I bet you spent longer than that ringing up caterers, sorting out flowers, photographers etc. If you're so selfish you can't even be bothered to send Thank you notes when people give you generous gifts you should probably just elope.

That said November is quite recent so you'll probably still get one.

Why do you say in your op that perhaps brides don’t thank everyone rather than the couple? Why should it be down to just the bride?

Sounds like it's the bridge who OP knows and is close to since she's the one she's seen recently so naturally the bride is the one she holds to account.

"She probably can't remember exactly what each person gave to thank them in person."

That's just plain grabby. The least a person can do is note down who gave what. I sent thank you notes for all my engagement and wedding presents, even if just a few lines. I did the engagement ones as they trickled in and then when I opened wedding gifts, made a list and then wrote them. Yes, it was time consuming but I felt it was important to thank those who had taken the time to give something.

People don't prioritise courtesy anymore, as even demonstrated on this thread. She should have remembered to thank you op.

So bloody rude, it really shouldn't take that long. No one wants to wait for photo cards, they want to know their gift has been received. @kingkuta - of course everyone should be thanked, what an entitled attitude. You could pick up the phone, text, email, WhatsApp if snail mail is a bore for you.

@Ginger1982

To be fair she probably did note down who sent what and is planning to send individual thank you notes (I hope otherwise how rude) she just probably doesn't keep the note with her at all times so might not have knows exactly what OP gave when she saw her.

We gave £100 to dhs niece. Never got a thank you, by message or word of mouth.

I think the website records what you gave? I hope she didn't think the amount l gave didn't cover the meal etc it did seem to be quite an expensive wedding, but other members of my party gave money in a card, so hopefully it was enough.

£50 is plenty. It was rude but these days not unusual

"she just probably doesn't keep the note with her at all times so might not have knows exactly what OP gave when she saw her."

@InACheeseAndPickle no I understand the not knowing off the top of your head when you see someone, but i was responding more to any suggestion that a bride just generally wouldn't remember what she was given by people (though I appreciate the person I quoted didn't mean that).

You'll probably get a thank you note.
We send personalised handwritten cards to all our guest but not immediately after the wedding & honeymoon when we were still on a high / recovering! They went out 3 and a half months later.

When I got married we got a few really generous gifts from people I wasn't expecting - not necessarily huge sums of money but amounts I know were significant to them. I made sure to write a detailed thank you note to everyone, letting them know how grateful we were and what we were putting the money towards. I would be mortified to just accept gifts like that without a word. I hate people who are martyrs about their wedding - insist on having a huge affair, however inconvenient for guests, than also act like the business of having the wedding they chose to have is so stressful they don't need to be kind or considerate to their guests either. Awful.

We're still waiting for a thank you for a cash gift we gave to a family member on their wedding day five years ago. I don't think they're going to thank us now, especially as their divorce has just been finalised.

You should stop thinking this was not enough. Weddings are a total rip off these days and people who mostly already have things they need to set up home are very greedy. To say we have stuff so give us money towards abc is outrageous. Its also nothing to do with the cost of the food etc, you are supposed to be a guest not a net contributer. They should have a smaller wedding

@Ginger1982 Sorry in that case I definitely agree. I always make a note of who gave what at my child's birthday parties can't imagine not bothering at a wedding when people are often very generous.

November really wasn’t long ago. Normally it’s within three months. It was rude of her to not thank you in person, and odd that the bridesmaids have had their thank you cards but I would reserve judgement for a little longer if I were you.