To be so angry at my family going to Glastonbury?

[rosess]

Brother and sister in law informed everyone yesterday that they got tickets to Glastonbury this year, and they will be going for the full duration. Which means they are going to miss out on not only their daughters 15th birthday which is on the Saturday of the festival, but also my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, which has been arranged since last year that we will be hosting a party for them on the Sunday. Their two eldest children who are 20 and 23 also bagged tickets along with their mates, so they also won't be there.

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates.

They have said they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get, however if they do, they'll then take their youngest who is 12, and can get in for free. So potentially the whole family will be absent.

I'm furious. They have ruined the party already, they should of never of even thought about getting tickets, it's so unfair for my parents.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go, my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

What jerks, leaving their own kids behind for a crap festival.

You know your option though? Refuse to babysit. They probably won't be able to go then if no one will look after them. Their problem to solve after all, right?

Kirsty it is the op brother so his parents anniversary.

I understand their approach tbh

my parents had a 25th, 30th, 40th, 50th wedding anniversary party and quite honestly I can't differentiate one from another. Well, a little bit because the first one was when they found out I'd managed to smoke out of my bedroom window as teen

but Glastonbury - if that's their thing - and OMG how lucky are they this year - will be something they will remember for the rest of their lives. I could never go to that, but I understand that if you are that person, it will be absolutely beautiful.

in terms of important life events, my parents' wedding anniversary - or anyone else's! - ranks ...nowhere.

Cruel and unkind for your siblings to do this to your parents. Family get togethers at a larger scale are precious and take a lot of hard work.
Your parents no doubt went without on many occasion/turned up for many events etc for your siblings and this must be very hurtful for them.
Relatives travelling from overseas will want to see everyone surely? And now their great-niece and nephew will unlikely attend if parents are off dancing in a field for the whole weekend!
You have my sympathies.

I see were you're coming from.

I'd love to go Glasto, never got a ticket, but my Grandparents 50th was a huge deal in my family, and in fact the very last time that entire side was all together at once.

Had I said I was jacking it for a festival and I was prime festival age at the time, I think my grandparents would have been justifiably upset.

However you getting worked up about it will only create drama.

If your parents are upset about it, it's their call to address it with their son.

I do think it's massively off to go off and have a Trendy Mum and Dad jolly with two out of 4 kids when there's a long standing family celebration you are sacking off for it, but you can't police other people, however poor their etiquette is.

Had this happened last year, our 50th, I would have been fuming, that they were going without us! Sounds far more fun than a tedious family get together.

Is the party at your house as you said you're hosting? Are the Aunt and cousins only over for the weekend? When was the party arranged? When was your brother informed?

I think YABVU. Family events are not compulsory, they'll probably do something with parents on their own. It's up to them what they arrange to do with their daughter re her birthday. It seems a massive over-reaction to me.

If the 15 year old is like normal 15 yr olds, she won’t care her parents aren’t there

Really? As someone who turned 15 years old without her parents there (very different circumstances I will admit) I can assure you I cared very much. What I didn’t care about was when I was the one blowing them out.

It’s a funny age but I also recall my friends and my own various perceived slights over seemingly nothing that sometimes set the tone for our adult relationships with our parents.

15 year olds are establishing their independence from their parents in a fairly safe and stable relationship. It’s a risky strategy for the parents to start essentially rejecting their own children’s needs at that age tbh. That doesn’t mean martyring yourself but it does mean not making thoughtless and hurtful choices.

Perhaps you should get tickets for the whole family and then you can all take drugs together in a muddy field listening to Taylor Swift. I can't think of a better way to celebrate a 50th wedding and 50th glastonbury anniversary.

Alternatively, should you force your brother to miss out on a weekend of music and hedonism, I will take those ticket off his hands, as an act of kindness.

I'd say YABU, it's a shame about your parents do, but not everyone prioritises these things - my far bigger concern is that they're dumping their 12(!!) and 15 y/o's for a week (with whom??) and missing their 15 y/o's birthday. I'd have been really hurt if my parents had done that to me.

Which they wouldn't (my DPs that is), because they're not overgrown kids who'd have prioritised a music festival over their children...

Just do it without them. Their loss!

YANBU to be annoyed but it's not your fight. It is between your parents and brother.
Does your brother have previous for this behaviour? My siblings do and my parents just accept it, so I grit my teeth and keep out of it. Just make it a special time for them and don't get involved, you'll end up getting blamed for spoiling the fun.
I hope you have a lovely time with your parents and get to celebrate many more wedding anniversaries with them.

Arseholes, aren't they?! I mean, what is he, 14?!

Make it the BEST party, lots of photos.

Assuming your folks are older if a ruby wedding, your brother will massively regret not making this memory with the wider family when they are gone. Glasto is glasto, has been there forever, will be there forever, they can do that any year (and this year Paul thunderthumbs McCartney headlines so that's a vintage year ). Ruby weddings, less so. I'd bet he's the youngest, spoilt and doesn't help look after your parents now, right? It'll come back to bite him. Again, what an arsehole. I'd never view the selfish twonts in the same light again.

ChristmasSweet Fri 27-Dec-19 16:15:29
What jerks, leaving their own kids behind for a crap festival.

You know your option though? Refuse to babysit. They probably won't be able to go then if no one will look after them. Their problem to solve after all, right? smile
...
Op has already said they've made arrangements for a relative to stay at their house to look after who is left home while they are away.

Glastonbury is not a crap festival, it's difficult to get tickets nowadays and expensive.

They can celebrate the parents anniversary before or after and I doubt their fifteen year old gives a toss as long as she has something good for her birthday - they would have discussed it with her anyway.

Drabarni Fri 27-Dec-19 16:02:46
Maybe they would "have" preferred not to "Have" to attend a party at your house.
Surely, they can do what they want for your parents anniversary and their own child's birthday.
.......
Quite agree. A lot of fuss about nothing.

Do your parents have a lot of parties for things? Mine do and I got fed-up of going to them.

We’re they involved or consulted on the plans for the wedding anniversary? If it was given as a fait accompli then you are being entirely unreasonable.
Up to them to decide their priorities. I couldn’t get excited about a 15 year olds birthday being celebrated on a different day. Aren’t they generally anyway because of school commitments?
Would I choose Glastonbury over a party for 75 year olds that was foisted upon me? It would depend on whether I’d been involved in the planning. Glastonbury isn’t my thing at all but two of ours have tickets and think it’s a huge deal. I wouldn’t begrudge them missing a family event for their grandparents.
If however they had set the date and chosen the venue etc then I’d be a bit miffed at them dropping out after committing. I’m assuming they had said they would definitely be there and helped with the plans?
I’d go ahead without them and not worry. Not everyone can make every event whenever it is. I only think it’s rude if they had chosen to make a firm commitment and then reneged on it.

They can't celebrate the anniversary before or after because relatives are already booked on flights from America.

I think it's shitty behaviour of the brother and some grandchildren.

Meh I'd be disappointed on my parents behave but I do think your anger is disproportionate. They see your parents all the time I assume and I wouldn't even register the daughters birthday as a issue. If they plan on celebrating with her the week before instead. Most 15 years I know would be more interested in their gift than anything else and will probably be out with their friends. I assume that you were heavily involved in the organising of the party in the first place that you have taken this so personally ?

🤣 this thread is bloody hilarious. You need to find something else to do - worrying about something happening End of June and what other people chose to do with their time!!

15th birthday,you have a point.50th anniversary no,its not their anniversary its only important to the couple imo.

YABU

Tickets are hard to come by. It's up to them how they prioritise events in their lives. I can see why you'd be 'a bit miffed' but furious is an overreaction.
If you can move the party to fit in with the other family flights, great. If not, just go ahead without them. They've made their choice.

I agree with the poster that says you sound a bit hard work. I couldn't be dealing with this much drama over a family party.

Surfer "your brother will massively regret not making this memory with the wider family when they are gone"

I regret having wasted so much time on this sort of thing - I mean family obligations etc. My dad is dead and I have no regrets. The time I spent with him while he was dying was incredibly important; parties where everyone rushes about and hardly communicates, not so much.

Do they usually go to Glastonbury?

If they usually go and you know the festival to have some meaning to them YABU and you probably could have foreseen the clash before arranging the anniversary party and chosen a different weekend.

If this is literally the first time anyone in their family has been to Glastonbury then I agree it is a bit unreasonable of them to choose this year, when there was something else planned for the same date, to go.