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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry at my family going to Glastonbury?

483 replies

rosess · 27/12/2019 15:18

Brother and sister in law informed everyone yesterday that they got tickets to Glastonbury this year, and they will be going for the full duration. Which means they are going to miss out on not only their daughters 15th birthday which is on the Saturday of the festival, but also my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, which has been arranged since last year that we will be hosting a party for them on the Sunday. Their two eldest children who are 20 and 23 also bagged tickets along with their mates, so they also won't be there.

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates.

They have said they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get, however if they do, they'll then take their youngest who is 12, and can get in for free. So potentially the whole family will be absent.

I'm furious. They have ruined the party already, they should of never of even thought about getting tickets, it's so unfair for my parents.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go, my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 30/12/2019 01:15

rosess: they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get
.......
I have connections and might be able to get a ticket for them, if your sil is on MN ask her to PM me.

I've been to festivals but never to Glasto and won't now but know plenty who have, particularly one person who has been about three times; apparently it's a lovely festival and has a very good family vibe. It is expensive now, it used to be free years ago.

I will join the op's relatives in spirit whilst watching the highlights on TV.

MAFIL · 30/12/2019 01:57

I can understand why you are upset about the 50th wedding anniversary party. It is rather unfair of your brother to have allowed the arrangements to have been made and then pull out. He probably thought it was unlikely that they would get tickets, but if he had just said " We might be away that weekend actually. I am not certain, but is there any chance we could have the party the weekend afterwards, to be on the safe side?" then the issue would have been avoided. I do think that if the anniversary is important to your parents, then their children should attend if at all possible even if it isn't to their taste. If other family members are making the journey from America it does seem sad that your brother is prioritising something else. I think I would be upset too.
But the rest of it is none of your business really. I have never been on a holiday without my children, or at least not until they had left home, and nor would I want to. But loads of people do and seem to enjoy it. It isn't a particularly unusual or outrageous thing to do. Your brother and SIL have made arrangements for appropriate care of their younger children and it doesn't impact on you. I would keep well out of it or you risk alienating your brother's family and making things very awkward at a time when your parents would presumably like family relationships to be as harmonious as possible. I would just focus on doing what you can to make the anniversary a happy and enjoyable occasion. It may not be exactly how you would like things, but it will be a lot worse if the anniversary is memorable because of a huge row between you and your brother.

lovepickledlimes · 30/12/2019 02:56

YANBU to be annoyed at brother. In my opinion just have the party without them and stop trying to make an effort. Tell your brother you are sorry you won't be able to make it to his bbq as you are washing your hair.

I learned long ago not to make an effort for family that don't put any effort back. Karma will get him in the end as children often copy their parents so I would not be too surprised if once all having their own lives his children no long bother with him either. Selfish git.

Leflic · 30/12/2019 03:22

Organising a large party is a massive effort.Even more so when it’s the one chance to get a large number of family together. I see why you’re angry Op.
I also think it’s a bit sad that Glastonbury trumps a once in a blue moon family get together. You never know who will be around and for him long. Of course it’s an iconic festival but the reality is it’s going to be saying you were there rather than anything else. And Maccer as headliner..rather them than mel

Aridane · 30/12/2019 13:43

OP - look on the bright side - you could have @ReanimatedSGB as your brother 😧

Sceptre86 · 30/12/2019 13:56

Leaving their child at home on her birthday to go to Glastonbury is shady in my opinion but they are the parents so that is their issue. With regards to your parents anniversary it is poor of your brother to prioritise going to Glastonbury over it. If cousins from abroad can make the effort to attend then it doesn't look great that their own son isn't arsed however that again is his problem. He might well be planning on making it up to them at a later date and whether he does or doesn't is up to him. You can't control your brothers relationship with your parents only your own. Yes, in your shoes I would find his behaviour selfish but take a deep breathe and let it go. Enjoy the party and instead of focusing on people who are not there rejoice with those that made the effort to come!

Poorolddaddypig · 30/12/2019 14:32

YABVU! I’m glad I’m not in your family if people overreact like this and think they can boss each other around and control each other!

Poorolddaddypig · 30/12/2019 14:42

Also, when I was 15 I’d have been thrilled if my parents went away for a weekend - even more so if that weekend fell on my birthday!

Poorolddaddypig · 30/12/2019 14:43

Also - I can’t believe someone would fly to another country for someone else’s wedding anniversary.

Leflic · 30/12/2019 15:03

Poorolddaddypig Perhaps it’s difficult to believe if you can’t be bothered with
family.

The overseas contingent will understand that a large family party has been organised and it’s a chance to meet far flung family, very probably the last time they will all get together.
Frankly as rare as Glastonbury tickets are they are still more common than your parents and the chance to give them a good night.
It’s not even where the brother is going - people will have come over to see him as well as the parents.He is being dick although I guess he wasn’t actually expecting to get tickets.

Hobbesmanc · 30/12/2019 15:11

Bloody hell. I have rarely felt so out of touch with the prevailing opinion. Surely for any family, a golden wedding anniversary is a really big deal? My Grand-Parents made the local paper. And what parent wouldn't be totally gutted if their children and grand children chose to go to a festival instead of the big family do (that they'd already all agreed on)

Forget the niece's birthday- focus on the indefensible decision of the son. He could easily compromise and enjoy the Glastonbury experience but come home on Sunday. Plus there's family travelling from the States. Has he no interest in spending time with them?

I don't want to be all Victorian but presumably they have a good relationship and the son should feel a sense of duty towards his parents. Sure a festival might be more fun but showing respect and love for your parents must come first?

Astrabees · 30/12/2019 15:36

Some of my Canadian relations flew over to attend my mother's funeral, it just left me wondering why they didn't fly over to see her when she was alive. The visitors from America will be there for a week, so brother may be able to catch up with them before they go to Glastonbury. Brother is obviously quite well off as glamping at Glastonbury is mega bucks. I expect he will be able to take parents out or visit at a quieter time when there are less people around, which will be better for him and better for parents than just being one of many at a big family do. A lot of fuss about nothing.

lovepickledlimes · 30/12/2019 16:57

@Astrabees it was meant to be major family event. At the end I guess the main thing is how the parents feel about it. By the sounds of it they are quite hurt which is understandable. I think the issue is not so much the going of the festival but that the brother has pretty much indicated that a festival is more important to him then a major milestone for his parents. Even if dates were shifted now fact remains when put to the choice he felt the festival was more important then not hurting his parents.

BackforGood · 30/12/2019 18:36

Also - I can’t believe someone would fly to another country for someone else’s wedding anniversary.

Can't you see that the wedding anniversary is the 'hook' onto which the large family gathering is being hung?
People who live in different countries do travel to the UK once in a blue moon. Why wouldn't you make sure you do it at a time when you are going to be able to meet up with the most people - potentially some of whom you might not have seen for years, or even decades ?

@Astrabees - when my dsis worked abroad, the employers would fly them home for a funeral. Her friend argued that she would prefer to go for her mother's upcoming 90th birthday, and spend that time with her whilst she was alive, rather than waiting until she had died. She got them to agree. Makes a lot more sense to me.

@Poorolddaddypig - unless the relatives in America are wealthy enough to fly to the UK every couple of years, this may well be their last opportunity to come and spend time with the OP's parents (and potentially OP's Aunts and Uncles - I don't know who else is in the family. With many of us, it is good to use 'big birthdays' or 'big anniversaries' to arrange for family and friends to get together, otherwise you go on thinking "Oh yes, we must get together soon" and not getting round to it. Pretty normal in my world to celebrate other people's big anniversaries.

Allabitmuchisntit · 30/12/2019 18:45

Will it matter in five years?

lovepickledlimes · 30/12/2019 18:55

@Allabitmuchisntit actually it will. OP and OPs parents will forever know just how little the brother values family and that he thought a festival was more important then a family milestone.

NataliaOsipova · 30/12/2019 18:59

Will it matter in five years?

This is one of those things which I suspect probably will.... It’s something that, by the sound of it, neither the OP nor her parents will forget in a hurry.

birdsarecute45 · 30/12/2019 19:55

It will matter in five years.

Everyone on this thread knows about how family legends are born. How the grooves of family life are dug. FGS, I spoke on another thread about how a single very minor car shunt 30 years ago is still talked about in my family as if it were current. Every single person on this thread knows about family legends - or even society legends- that have grown up.

So yes, the time where DB chose to go to Glasto over his parents special event will still be spoken about in 5 years. No-one will forget. Because every single person unless they are astonishingly progressive and their families are astonishingly progressive just play out the well-trodden grooves of family interaction. How many of us revert to the role we had when we were growing up when we were in our families? Most of us. MN is full of threads detailing this every day.

LovePoppy · 30/12/2019 20:22

It will live forever

Because people love being in others business.

Brother and family will never “live it down” or be forgiven

LovePoppy · 30/12/2019 20:24

Why is an anniversary a “family milestone” and not a couple milestone?

lovepickledlimes · 30/12/2019 20:39

@LovePoppy Because it is about the parents having been together as a family unit, raised the kids together, hopefully brought them up to be decent people (some could argue they failed with brother) and want to share this special achievement with the people they care about and thought cared about them too. It's not just about them but about the family unit and what it symbolizes

saraclara · 30/12/2019 20:43

Why is an anniversary a “family milestone” and not a couple milestone?
Because their family loves them? And at least some of them would not be here if it wasn't for that marriage.

I do understand that some people don't get it. Hell, if I hadn't married into a wonderful and loving in law family, I wouldn't have got it either. My own family just wouldn't care one way or another, and nor would I have. My parents marriage wasn't something I'd ever want to celebrate.

But if you do have a close family, and relatives you like who live on another continent, of course it's great to have something to celebrate that brings people together.

LovePoppy · 30/12/2019 21:05

Then why why only celebrate that they are still married if it’s about the family they made?

Family would still be there if they divorced?

LovePoppy · 30/12/2019 21:07

I think the fact that it’s an anniversary is a red herring.

Just call it a family reunion

Less pressure

Less insanity if someone can’t attend.

Then, if, as you say, it’s about family, they are there.

lovepickledlimes · 30/12/2019 21:10

@LovePoppy if they were divorced then no the family unit as it currently is would not exist. It is a celebration of the family having stuck together through the years

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